a ripple is a disturbance to the air resulting from a fart. typically sinusoidal in form, ripples vary in frequency and periodicity in accordance with the velocity and #stinkprofile of a given assblast. on rare occasion, a ripple may double back on itself, taking the form of a parametric curve. in this case, the vibrating farticules may produce intensities of stink that are frankly immeasurable.
while ripples were first described in rudimentary form by maimonides, and subsequently by leonardo davinci, it was not until the late nineteenth century that johnald g. stinkefeller, then seven years old, first documented the shape of a ripple using a device of his own devising known as a #blastmeter. forty years later, his calculations were confirmed by Albrecht A. Anustain.
while ripples were first described in rudimentary form by maimonides, and subsequently by leonardo davinci, it was not until the late nineteenth century that johnald g. stinkefeller, then seven years old, first documented the shape of a ripple using a device of his own devising known as a #blastmeter. forty years later, his calculations were confirmed by Albrecht A. Anustain.
todd: doth you smell-witness a stink in this chambre?
barry: doth i.
todd: where art the blastmeter?
barry: blast it open.
todd: i just shit my drawers. i can feelst the ripple.
barry: doth i.
todd: where art the blastmeter?
barry: blast it open.
todd: i just shit my drawers. i can feelst the ripple.
by trilliam turdsworth August 15, 2023
the study of the interrelations between fart and place.
by analogy: as "terroir" is to wine, so is fartography to flatulence.
the most skilled fartographers are able to identify with uncommon specificity not only the ethnic background of the individual who authored a particular fart, but also the kind of food that person ate, whether or not his or her ancestors grew up near a farm or at high altitude, and whether he or she is lactose intolerant.
fartography is a fascinating discipline whose implications are only now becoming clear.
among pioneering practitioners, Johnald G. Stinkefeller is notable for his contributions to the field.
by analogy: as "terroir" is to wine, so is fartography to flatulence.
the most skilled fartographers are able to identify with uncommon specificity not only the ethnic background of the individual who authored a particular fart, but also the kind of food that person ate, whether or not his or her ancestors grew up near a farm or at high altitude, and whether he or she is lactose intolerant.
fartography is a fascinating discipline whose implications are only now becoming clear.
among pioneering practitioners, Johnald G. Stinkefeller is notable for his contributions to the field.
civilian: jesus! what the hell is that smell?
fartographer: indeed, indeed. that most certainly is an emission from a person of subcontinental origin.
civilian: goodness gracious! well, i daresay...
fartographer: moreover, said person seems to have a particularly hearty meal of boeuf bourguignonne. the sulfuric notes suggest a person with a severe allergy to gluten, as well as a miniaturized anal aperture which undoubtedly contributes to the floral top note. i would suggest that the person in question is...
civilian: damn you, stinkefeller!
fartographer: you. you farted. and that's how fartography works, son.
fartographer: indeed, indeed. that most certainly is an emission from a person of subcontinental origin.
civilian: goodness gracious! well, i daresay...
fartographer: moreover, said person seems to have a particularly hearty meal of boeuf bourguignonne. the sulfuric notes suggest a person with a severe allergy to gluten, as well as a miniaturized anal aperture which undoubtedly contributes to the floral top note. i would suggest that the person in question is...
civilian: damn you, stinkefeller!
fartographer: you. you farted. and that's how fartography works, son.
by trilliam turdsworth December 23, 2018
a gaseous emission occurring during or shortly after the consumption of significant quantities of cannabis. true cannafarts have the potential to produce psychedelic effects in those who inhale their fumes. in eastern Ukraine, rural villagers participate in a practice wherein five to ten men gather in a small cedar sauna, eat copious quantities of beans while smoking bongs of hashish, and cannafart themselves into oblivion, colloquially known as the Slavic hotbox.
person one: did you just cannafart?
person two: why do you ask?
person one: suddenly, this room smells like a fresh turd and i'm super high.
person two: as a matter of fact, i did. i cannafarted.
person one: thanks for being honest about it. do you think you have another stored up?
person two: sure do. rips fat stinker
person one: nice. thanks.
person two: why do you ask?
person one: suddenly, this room smells like a fresh turd and i'm super high.
person two: as a matter of fact, i did. i cannafarted.
person one: thanks for being honest about it. do you think you have another stored up?
person two: sure do. rips fat stinker
person one: nice. thanks.
by trilliam turdsworth December 31, 2021
when a white ass country club motherfucker takes his lil prick out and flicks it around in the face of an unwilling woman. usually performed after said country club assho' has done a few keg stands and given gay head to his friend tobin.
a: brett got pretty kavanasty last night
b: really?
a: yeah, he took his little winkledick out again and got up in a girl's face with it.
b: man, that kid sucks.
a: let's make him a supreme court justice.
b: okay cool.
b: really?
a: yeah, he took his little winkledick out again and got up in a girl's face with it.
b: man, that kid sucks.
a: let's make him a supreme court justice.
b: okay cool.
by trilliam turdsworth October 01, 2018
a portmanteau of the words "stink"and "pinkerton."
stink refers to something smelly, namely a fart.
pinkerton refers to a private detective.
thus, a stinkerton is a private detective hired to investigate the origins of a particular rip. the best stinkertons have backgrounds in fartography. if a trained fartographer is present at the scene of a true stink, undoubtedly he/it/they will be able to identify who released the rotten wind.
stink refers to something smelly, namely a fart.
pinkerton refers to a private detective.
thus, a stinkerton is a private detective hired to investigate the origins of a particular rip. the best stinkertons have backgrounds in fartography. if a trained fartographer is present at the scene of a true stink, undoubtedly he/it/they will be able to identify who released the rotten wind.
cadwallader: i lit'rally just dumpt unto my trousers.
triebwasser: shall we ring up a stinkerton?
cadwallader: wha'for, dear man? i just confessed to the smell-crime.
triebwasser: fair enough, my liege. 'tis a true abomination of the senses.
triebwasser: shall we ring up a stinkerton?
cadwallader: wha'for, dear man? i just confessed to the smell-crime.
triebwasser: fair enough, my liege. 'tis a true abomination of the senses.
by trilliam turdsworth November 05, 2019
on certain occasions, after one has consumed a particularly elegant meal—for example, of curried mussels with sausages, french fried potatoes, and port wine drunk from pig's bladders—one may seek to capture the essence of one's gaseous excretions in a flask. this typically happens only once or twice in a decade. the very best farts are known "body-spirits," or "esprit-de-corps," in the original french. such ripples will gain in complexity during the years they spend in the bottle, acquiring notes of dogshit, turpentine, penis sweat, and shark farts.
jamal: shall or shan't we uncork a few vintage farts this eve?
edgar: but of course, my good man.
jamal: i'll let you do the honors.
edgar: let me just take a dump right quick.
jamal: yeah no prob.
edgar: just opened it. smells so friggin good. just smells just like a dick.
jamal: cool.
edgar: yeah sick.
edgar: but of course, my good man.
jamal: i'll let you do the honors.
edgar: let me just take a dump right quick.
jamal: yeah no prob.
edgar: just opened it. smells so friggin good. just smells just like a dick.
jamal: cool.
edgar: yeah sick.
by trilliam turdsworth July 22, 2021
if a person blows a fat brown wind, and a bit of shit trickles out into the underpence, that's a stainfart, otherwise known as #squirtblast.
by trilliam turdsworth February 28, 2023