templegate's definitions

brora bridge toll

the price you pay for daring to cross the brora bridge by foot due to drunks tapping you up for owl for vodka

“i need to go shopping but i can’t afford it due to the brora bridge toll… its fucking cheaper crossing the forth road bridge”

by templegate April 5, 2023

how's your whippy

a genuine interest as to the health of a man's penis

hey ronnie, how's your whippy today - did the cream you bought off marketplace do the trick?

by templegate February 27, 2023

paddy boot

a state of complete vagrancy and utter drunkenness

"hey cakey, i thought you were paddy boot earlier you were that mortal"

by templegate March 3, 2023

coalstones

black-coloured stones, sold on the pretence of being combustible coal

“Hey Wong, i’m paying you for coal you arsehole and you’ve given me coalstones, I may as well set fire to a brick”

by templegate March 11, 2023

Sutherland cocksucker

a golspie trooper, a cunt of extreme proportiona

just travelled on the A9 and seen a whole load og Sutherland cocksuckers in the Stags Head

by templegate March 17, 2023

billy’s fish

the guarantee of copious volumes of free merchandise that never ever materialises

Billy: “Hey George, I’m starting at Campbell’s next week, I’ll be able to get you a freezer-full of fish”

20 years later

Jake: “George, did you get billy’s fish”?

George: “Absolutely fuck all, not even a fucking prawn. Freezer is still full of air”

by templegate March 18, 2023

the most unseen

The act of becoming, and then swiftly unbecoming, ‘seen’. Typically occassioned through regular trips to Spar for discreet half bottles of vodka to then slam and become ‘unseen’ for a prolonged period

“i have just seen the most unseen, high-stepping with a bottle-shaped package and definitely ‘not without’, heading south… i think he will be living up to his name until at least Monday.

by templegate March 18, 2023