telephony's definitions

asshole thermometer

Another name for a rectal thermometer.

Hey Jerry, don't put that fucking thing in your mouth cos it's an asshole thermometer!

by Telephony May 15, 2016

Santa Flush

What some people (esp. young children) call Sani Flush toilet bowl cleaner crystals.

Mom, I think you need to put some Santa Flush in the toilet; it smells funny.

by Telephony December 23, 2021

Bar Rescue

A program shown on Spike TV that's a documentary / reality show where a man named Jon Taffer finds bars that are going down the toliet for some reason or other (shitty sanitation, crappy management, poopy bar food, seedy crowds, problems with the liquor, hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt, etc. and then retrains the bar & kitchen staff for new food & drink recipes and rebuilds the bar itself in hopes that the new branding and new food & bar menus will bring back customers.

I'm gonna watch Bar Rescue on the telly tonight to see if Jon Taffer can pull The Purple People-Eater out of the dumper.

by Telephony April 24, 2015

muckie

Mud; usually combined with at least 50% animal waste such as pig poop, horse puckey, bull shit, elephant dung, rabbit pellets, etc.

♪ The Candyman makes, ♪
♪ Everything he bakes, ♪
♪ Really really fucking yucky. ♪
♪ You'll end up knee-deep in muckie, ♪
♪ What a big load of horse puckey! ♪

by Telephony September 29, 2019

Uranus

The seventh planet from the Sun, classified as an ice giant. Uranus is basically a large ball of hydrogen, methane, helium, and, to a lesser extent, ammonia which imparts a blue color. It is also very cold, with temperatures in the neighbourhood of 357° F (-216° C).

The name has become the butt (pun not intended) of many ass jokes; I think you can see why.

Some astronomers pronounce it, "ūr′·ə·nəs" (YERR'uh ness) in order to help stem the tide of Uranus-related ass jokes while others still prefer the original pronunciation, "ū·rā′·nəs" (your ANUS).

Look in this new Celestron telescope! See that little blue thing? That's Uranus.

by Telephony February 20, 2018

carafay

Carafay (pron. "\'KER-uh-fey"\): How some people pronounce the word, "carafe" (pron. "\kə-ˈRAF\") -- you know, like one of those glass coffeepots from a coffeemaker or a glass wine decanter.

Don't forget to douche out that carafay before you start a new pot of coffee!

by Telephony July 12, 2014

uronium

Chemical symbol: Un.
Atomic number 327.
An odoriferous brown substance that usually exists between the toliet seat hinges and the bowl.
Uronium may also appear around the bolts that hold the toliet to the floor.

Some people choose to ignore uronium; choosing instead to mask its unique odor with Glade® Plug-Ins® or Wizard™ aerosol.

by Telephony October 24, 2010