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telephony's definitions

douchepail

A douchepail is some complete and total asshaberdasher who exhibits more douchebaggery than a douchebag, but less than a douchebucket.
The logic here is that a pail is generally smaller than a bucket.
Linda is such a fucking douchepail for stuffing up all of the shitbowls in Dorm C with Scottowels!
by Telephony February 23, 2021
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You bet your sweet patootie

It means the same as the phrases, "you bet your ass" and, "you bet your dick and balls".
That is, you're absolutely, positively, 100% certain about the final outcome of a situation.
{Seen on a website about flashlights, LEDs, and lasers}:
I tried to cut through the outer casing to bare metal with the blade of a Swiss army knife, and with some minor difficulty, I was able to do so. This shows the unit has a Type II anodized finish to it (...)
Would I really cut up a brand spanken new $450.00 laser? You bet your sweet patootie I would, if it's in the name of science.
by Telephony May 30, 2015
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bloody hatchet wound

Slang term for the female cunt; esp. if that pussy's owner is on the rag.
Don't fuck Jessica tonight; she has a bloody hatchet wound and you'll get your dick covered in her menstruation!!!
by Telephony September 30, 2018
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douched out

Any ground-based vehicle (such as a bicycle, motorcycle, car, truck, van, bus, train, etc.) that has crashed or is in the process of crashing.
Drake: See that twisted heap of metal over there?
Josh: Yeah!
Drake: That was a minivan that douched out a few days ago.
by Telephony December 6, 2011
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Master Bator

A Master Bator is somebody who, because of the sheer number of times they have masturbated (choked the chicken, administered corporal punishment to a primate {spanked the monkey}, jacked off, beat off, jerked off, beat their meat, whacked off, played pocket pool, wanked off, etc.), has become an expert at it -- a true master masturbator (or Master Bator).

Works better when written or typed vs. when spoken.
Hozay hasn't gotten any tail in such a long time that he's become a true-to-life Master Bator!!!
by Telephony August 22, 2012
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toliet Nazi

Some assclown who leaves only a couple of little pieces on the roll of bungwipe (just enough to cover the merferator) so that when you go to wipe, there isn't another roll and your fingers are subsequently besmudged with feces.
Son of a bitch motherfucker cocksucker! The last one that used the head was a toliet Nazi so I had to rip the roller towel down and wipe my bunghole off with that!
by Telephony December 31, 2013
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carperpetuation

The act of, when vaccuming, running over a piece of lint or string eight or nine times with the vacuum cleaner, picking it up, examining it, then throwing it back down to give the vacuum one last chance.
Repeat as frequently as necessary.
Linda!
You're doing carperpetuation again!
Just take that fucking piece of string over to the wastepaperbasket or flush it away in the shitbowl instead of pissing away the whole goddamn day trying to vaccum it up!
by Telephony August 6, 2014
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