stormsworder's definitions

daddy longlegs

Despite popular belief, a daddy longlegs is a spider with a small body and long, spindly legs. What most people think of as a daddy longlegs is actualy called a crane fly. Spiders like daddy longlegs are most common in summer, especialy during hot summers when there are a lot of insects about.

Don't kill a daddy longlegs, or any other kind of spider. They eat household pests.

by Stormsworder April 22, 2007

arachnid

Surely one of the most successful groups of animals in the history of this planet. There are arachnids on every continent (except Antarctica, obviously). Arachnids include spiders, scorpions, mites, ticks and the like. Though it is very rare for soft-bodied animals to survive, in fossil form, the oldest known fossil spider is 380 million years old, and there are even older fossil scorpions and sea scorpions known. Whenever I watch a tarantula or scorpion I can't help feeling I'm being given a viewpoint on an early age of life on this planet.

An example of an arachnid: a tarantula, a member of the oldest group of spiders which did not spin webs, merely used silk to line their burrows.

by Stormsworder November 16, 2006

encyclopedia dramatica

Supposedly an online encyclopedia, this is little more than a haven for porn, obscenities and rather childish insults. Presumably someone who was banned from wikipedia for thinking crude language and playground behaviour was an alternative to facts or humour has set up his own website in which he can be spiteful and pathetic until the cows come home.

Man #1: "I want to start posting things to an online website, but unfortunately I have no knowledge about anything and have the sense of humour of a boat hook".
Mam 2#: "Never mind. There's always encyclopedia dramatica".

by Stormsworder June 7, 2007

education

Education is what the current UK government and its puppet-masters want only the children of the rich to have. Britain is in very real danger of ending up with an entire generation of uneducated underclass. The middle school I went to years ago was practically a borstal, where bullying went ignored, where teachers either blamed the victims or carried on smoking their cigarettes. The deputy headmaster was a stroppy, loud-mouthed oaf and the headmistress was a poisonous old witch who threw people out of assembly for not standing up quickly enough. People were reprimanded for being late, but I can remember being sent to see the deputy head who told me off (naughty boy, arriving late indeed, etc) and then arriving at class for registration to find out the teacher hadn't arrived yet. Said teacher was forever late, and we had to stand outside the building waiting for her to arrive to let us into class no matter what the weather was like. Once she turned up, tardy as ever, saying "you're late, class". In another school everyone was called to assambly once to be given a stern lecture about bad language. That had real moral authority, considering more than one teacher used the f-word in front of the class. I don't know quite what those schools are like by now. I shudder to think. I know of teachers who say how impossible to teach anyone. What with the 'rights without responsibility' culture which goes hand-in-hand with New Labour, no teacher is allowed to reprimand any bully or disruptive individual.

So I'm sure school teaches us. It teaches us that authority is a case of hypocrisy and double-standards, that the guilty are rewarded and the innocent made to feel they are worthless scum.

These days standards have fallen to the point where this country's education system is the laughing stock of the world. Once it was the envy of everyone. People with the money to do so all used to come to the UK to be educated in our universities. Now, thanks to a succession of useless governments, everyone in the UK with the money to do so goes abroad to university. Tony Bliar and his masters con the public into thinking the UK's children are educated by making exams so easy a 5-year-old can attain a dozen A-stars (despite calling for education to be down to the lowest denominator, New Labour ministers send their own children to expensive private schools). And only the rich can go to university. Anyone else will find themselves in debt for the rest of their natural lives.

"Here's a piece of education. This school was named after a lord mayor".
"Good grief. If he was alive today he'd sue the place for every penny. Fancy having your name associated with a dump like that".

by Stormsworder November 16, 2006

Tittybangbang

Proof that the BBC couldn't give a toss about its audience. They refused to make any more series of decent shows like Red Dwarf and yet churn out dreck like this. Basically each show consists of the same characters telling the same jokes. Shows like this can work if the characters have depth to them and there's something to laugh at other than just mind-numbing catchphrases (Little Britain, for example, the funniest sketch show in many years). But here we have one-dimensional characters you couldn't care less about, swearing and obscenities as an alternative to humour and sketches like Salty Tales, the Rasta fans and the movie stars which don't seem to have any kind of point to them at all. The real shame is that, with two female leads who can do a wide range of characters and a star-studded supporting cast, this could have been great. Unfortunately someone forgot that comedy sketch shows are actually supposed to be funny.

Due to the unique way the BBC is funded by you, the licence-payer, we can show shit like Tittybangbang and don't even bother if nobody watches it because we'll still have got your money.

by Stormsworder June 22, 2009

justice

Something only people who can afford it ever get. This generally involves lawyers in court playing word games and generally twisting everything the accused/victim/witness says. That's assuming the case even reaches court. Thanks to the Con party, the UK legal system is burdened down by the CPS (that's Criminal Protection Service) who tie the police up with red tape, give them countless pointless forms to fill in and generally make sure as few cases as possible reach court.

Mother: "It's about time you stopped believing in Father Christmas, the Tooth Fairy, fairies at the bottom of the garden and monsters under the bed".
Son: "But they're all real!"
Mother: "And then there's justice".
Son: "Oh come on. I stopped believing in that when I was about four and a half.

by Stormsworder November 23, 2006

michael howard

A politician in the UK's Conservative party. When he was Home Secretary he was frowned on for locking a lot of people up. However, when the Blair governmnent released them all again, people realised maybe the general public were safer whilst violent criminals were behind bars. Howard was the victim of the lookist spin-doctor culture who used the "something of the night about him" comment to great effect. He became leader of the opposition when the Tories suddenly realised they had forgotten to elect a new leader after their 2001 defeat, and lasted almonst a fortnight (which is quite good by modern Tory standards).

"Why would anyone bother boting for Michael Howard the vampire? We've already got the New Labour bloodsuckers, after all".

by Stormsworder October 20, 2007