scott trowbridge's definitions

ivoryonics

n. a dialect of English spoken by rural southern caucasians. Actually quite closely related to Ebonics.

Ivoryonics.
Server: Y'awnt sum vittles? Hah'bout sumpin ta wet-cher-wissle?
Patron: Ah rekkin all git uh coldbeer and some tots, y'a dont mind.

Translation to English.
Server: Do you want something to eat? What about something to drink?
Patron: I suppose I will have a beer and some hash-browns, if that is alright.

by scott trowbridge July 8, 2006

marital device

a conservative euphemism for sex toys.

Republican Husband: Honey could we have intercourse please?
Republican Wife: Well dear . . . I'm not aroused, but if we got out the marital device I could be.

by Scott trowbridge July 6, 2006

alts

gaming: An alternative character, as opposed to one main character you play in a game. Many online games allow the user to make multiple characters. People that make alts to an extreme are said to be altoholics.

XxLord Dark Evil BlacknessxX: Hey, any1 got a healer? we rly culd youz a healr on this mish.
Mistress Dark Blood Necro Fairy: Ya, i kan log onto 1 of mai alts, brb.

by Scott Trowbridge October 2, 2008

plummering

When a guy's butt crack is visible when he bends over. Related to the term plummer's crack. Apparently many plummers butt cracks have been visible while working in client's homes.

Man1: Dude, cover that up!
Man2: what?
Man1: your ass crack, you're plummering something fierce.

by scott trowbridge June 11, 2006

smurfed

Means fucked. Etymologically derived from the fact that the word fuck is used as all parts of speech. For example, "I'm going to fucking fuck your fuck-nut face up you fuckity fuck-wad." Similarly, Smurfs would use Smurf with the same versatility. For example, "Gargamel, I'm going to smurfing smurf your smurfing smurf-nosed face, and then smurf your cat Azriel."

Person1: So you really like this guy?
Person2: Yeah, he's not insane, smart, has a job, and he smurfed me like a school-girl.

by scott trowbridge July 8, 2006

forensic anthropomophologist

Broadly, a person who gathers evidence about how an inanimate object that resembles a human died. Generally, one who investigates how a doll or stuffed animal was murdered.

news reporter: Sources today reported that Billy's teddy bear was found decapitated in his bedroom. The authorities have sent a forensic anthropomophologist to look for clues.

by scott trowbridge September 6, 2008

shuffleboard

Once upon a time white people played a game called shuffle board at racially segregated country clubs. When most country clubs became desegregated, the white people stopped playing the game because it was too embarrassing for anyone outside their imagined aristocracy to know about.

Hubert: Mildred would you like to play some shuffleboard.
Mildred: That would be swell Hubert.

by scott trowbridge June 11, 2006