jonimethfan's definitions

Xhosa

The international language of choice for Call Centres.

I phoned up to pay the Gas Bill and the bloke at the other end told me a filthy joke in fluent Xhosa while he was processing my transaction.

It went 'click, pop, phut, tonk, whir, ptow.

I have to admit it now... I pissed myself!

by jonimethfan October 26, 2011

Och ma heed

A Scottish mantra. Most associated with imbibing to excess in the recent past.

Englishman no. 1See that guy over there? The redhead collapsed in the street, conveniently over a drain, wearing a kilt with a sporran, whilst spastically hugging a Whiskey vomit soaked set of Bagpipes?

Englishman no. 2 You mean that strange chap that last night staggered into a nearby biker pub in London's East End threatening to kill everybody?

Englishman no. 1 Yes! Well... you know what? I reckon there's a fair chance he might be Scottish! Listen! He's feebly chanting 'och ma heed'.

by jonimethfan October 8, 2011

Foaming at the Fingertips

To be so enraged by an Internet personality, that one cannot wait to dash off a foully abusive, electronic missive.

That twat on www.wind_up_merchant.com had me so pissed off I started Foaming at the Fingertips.

by jonimethfan October 7, 2011

David Icke

A person who believes that Alien Lizards are taking over the Earth. He doesn't convincingly explain as to why they, with their presumably far superior power and technology don't take over 'Just Like That' and be done with it. Indeed these lizards must be mega-tolerant not to have eaten old Ickey alive already. I mean, what have they got to lose?

Thank God David Icke comes from Leicester. Just imagine the sort of mindless, evil, twaddle he'd be coming out with if he'd come from Manchester instead.

by jonimethfan October 29, 2011

tooter

A university employee that is tasked with leading students astray rather than 'Rounding them out intellectually'.

My tutor is a crazy weird dude. I mean wow, mine taught me everything I needed to know about cocaine abuse in a single 'tootorial'. He is one mother of a tooter.

by jonimethfan October 8, 2011

Freudian Slip

An obscene, crotchless female undergarment, popular among the elite of early 20th century Vienna. Worn especially whilst holding a sensuously supine position upon a Chaise Lounge in full view of a cigar chomping psychoanalyst.

Old Siggy found himself overheating somewhat, when nubile but disturbed Frau Grossgash flourished an oft noted

Freudian Slip.

by jonimethfan October 18, 2011

corbygate

A notoriously transparent scam, whereby 'A powerful local interest group', for opaque reasons, bribed the publishers of 'The 10 Worst Places in the Entire Universe' to move 'Corby in its' entirety' down 9 places to... YES, you guessed it! Ninth place!

How on Earth The Bagpipe Mafia ever thought they'd get away with Corbygate is totally beyond me.

by jonimethfan October 10, 2011