A one legged man in an arse kicking contest.

To describe a useless object or person.

About as useful as a one legged man in an arse kicking contest...

by hteb78 November 27, 2012

Sculpting Water

A term used to describe something that is impossible to do

1) it's like trying to sculpt water.

2) I have more chance of sculpting water then....

by hteb78 November 27, 2012

Jelly Ladder

To describe a useless object or person

About as useful as a Jelly ladder........

by hteb78 November 27, 2012

As genuine as a 40 pence piece

A term used in the UK when someone is desperately trying to convince you that their piece of information or version of events is correct to gain your trust but you know that they're blatantly lying through their teeth. Or someone is trying to sell you the latest designer object (watch, trainers, handbag etc.) and you can clearly see it's a fake. It's as genuine as a 40 pence piece. There is no such thing as a 40 pence piece in UK currency so if someone tried to give you one you'd know it wasn't real money.

A woman looking at handbags on Ebay: "oooo have you seen this lovely designer handbag it's only £10"
Friend: " narr mate it's a fake"
Woman: " it looks genuine to me"
Friend: " genuine! It's about as genuine as a 40 pence piece"

Or

A man after been told someone unreliable information: " rubbish! what a load of old tosh"

The informer: " narr mate it's absolutely genuine"
Man: "yeah about as genuine as a 40 pencepiece"

by hteb78 January 23, 2024

Leg of Salmon

A leg of salmon is usually used as a joke in the work place and is generally used to test the gullibility of a new employee. It starts off by the manager or someone of senior authority asking the unsuspecting employee to carry out a personal favour for them. In this case the boss has asked the new employee if he/she minds going to the fish mongers to collect the leg of salmon that the boss had ordered earlier. Wanting to impress his/hers new boss the new employee (not giving a second thought of what he/she has been asked to do) willingly obliges to go on the errand only to be told by the fishmonger (in the tone of 1+1=2) that salmon don't have legs and return back to their place of work (usually to be greeted by hysterical laughter) looking as pink as a salmon.

Boss: "Jimmy"
Jimmy: "Yes Sir."
Boss: "Could I ask a favour?"
Jimmy: "Certainly Sir."
Boss: "The CEO has called a meeting this afternoon and I have ordered a leg of salmon from the fishmongers over the road, please could you collect it for me, as I wont have time after the meeting. All you have to say is "I have come to collect the leg of salmon reserved for Mr Smith".
Jimmy: "Oh yes Sir. I'll do it straight away Sir."

by hteb78 October 19, 2014

Powdered Prune

An old lady who wears an excessive amount of foundation, making her wrinkled skin look like someone has just dusted a prune with powder.

Did you see ninety year old Vera at the Ladies Tea Dance on Saturday, she had so much foundation on, she looked like a Powdered Prune.

by hteb78 February 28, 2025

Darken the doorstep

To Darken the Doorstep is when you go to someone's home and you cast a shadow over their doorstep. It usually used to describe the action of someone you know and haven't seen for a while unexpectedly turns up at your home or it's something you tell an unwanted visitor not to do ever again.

Sue: "OMG, you never guess who had the nerve to darken the doorstep this morning."
Pat: "Who?"

Sue: "Jo!"
Pat: "Jo, Jo who?"
Sue: " you know the one that coursed all that trouble at my party."
Pat: " Oooh! That Jo, haven't seen her around here for ages, did you invite her in?"
Sue: " No I did not! Told her to clear off and to never darken my doorstep again."

by hteb78 November 16, 2017