flatster's definitions
Breaking down a process or system into smaller modules to make it more accessible/easier to comprehend.
On the other hand, it also mean over-complicating a simple process to the extent of being anal in the extreme.
On the other hand, it also mean over-complicating a simple process to the extent of being anal in the extreme.
Normal Bloke: Here you are Old Lady, let me help you across the road.
Old Lay: Thank you, young man!
Project manager: Now then Normal Bloke, we need more granularity here. Firstly, what road are you referring to? Next, is there any traffic on said road and if so, at what speed is it travelling? We also need to define the camber of the edges and the traction factor of the tarmac under the temperature of the day to ascertain the breaking distance of the road users in case of a Normal-Bloke-Old-Lady-slippage scenario. Next, we need...
Normal bloke: Fuck this, I'm off to Macdonalds.
Old Lay: Thank you, young man!
Project manager: Now then Normal Bloke, we need more granularity here. Firstly, what road are you referring to? Next, is there any traffic on said road and if so, at what speed is it travelling? We also need to define the camber of the edges and the traction factor of the tarmac under the temperature of the day to ascertain the breaking distance of the road users in case of a Normal-Bloke-Old-Lady-slippage scenario. Next, we need...
Normal bloke: Fuck this, I'm off to Macdonalds.
by flatster December 19, 2008
Get the granularity mug.The 21st century Gestapo. Will love you long time whilst going through your work to make sure everything is on the up-and-up but then will stab you in the back with an electrified letter-opener.
Scum of the office-world. The little prick who can hide behind company policy and get a hard-on when they find the dot above your "i" was 2 microns bigger than your company would like it to be
Scum of the office-world. The little prick who can hide behind company policy and get a hard-on when they find the dot above your "i" was 2 microns bigger than your company would like it to be
Auditor: "So pleased to be working with you! Could I see your ledger please?"
Worker: "No, fuck off you back stabbing, pedantic shit-stirrer. Come near me and I'll strangle you with your shoe laces".
Worker: "No, fuck off you back stabbing, pedantic shit-stirrer. Come near me and I'll strangle you with your shoe laces".
by flatster December 16, 2008
Get the auditor mug."Clangers" are two different things.
One is a 70's BBC children show where a family of Clangers lived on small moon with the soup dragon, the iron chicken and the froglets et al. When they spoke, they sounded like someone playing a swanee whistle. They ate blue string pudding.
The second definition is that one has made a mistake and "dropped a clanger". This is Cockney, not Mockney by the way.
One is a 70's BBC children show where a family of Clangers lived on small moon with the soup dragon, the iron chicken and the froglets et al. When they spoke, they sounded like someone playing a swanee whistle. They ate blue string pudding.
The second definition is that one has made a mistake and "dropped a clanger". This is Cockney, not Mockney by the way.
Example one:
Auntie Clanger: WoOowowowoOwOOOowoOOwooo wooo OOoo?
Baby Clanger: OoO.
Other Clangers: OOOOoooo.
Example two:
Bloke 1: Shit.
Bloke 2: What?
Bloke 1: Forgot the whife's birthday.
Bloke 2: Dropped a right fucking clanger there, mate.
Auntie Clanger: WoOowowowoOwOOOowoOOwooo wooo OOoo?
Baby Clanger: OoO.
Other Clangers: OOOOoooo.
Example two:
Bloke 1: Shit.
Bloke 2: What?
Bloke 1: Forgot the whife's birthday.
Bloke 2: Dropped a right fucking clanger there, mate.
by flatster January 19, 2008
Get the clangers mug.1) An industry created from nothing that creates nothing.
2) Sarbanes Oxley is also a swear word.
3) Something to hide behind when you need introduce bureaucracy to the nth degree.
2) Sarbanes Oxley is also a swear word.
3) Something to hide behind when you need introduce bureaucracy to the nth degree.
SOX dweeb: Do have everything under control?
Office bloke: Yes
SOX dweeb: Can I see the documentary evidence?
Office bloke: We don't keep hard copy
SOX dweeb (smugly): The you have failed your control and I must report you to the highest possible echelon within the organisation who will inform of your failure and sack you. Sarbanes Oxley (SOx) is the alpha and the omega.
Office bloke: So fucking what? DIE!
/bang
SOX dweeb dies in a pool of it's own blood. Much rejoicing ensues.
Office bloke: Yes
SOX dweeb: Can I see the documentary evidence?
Office bloke: We don't keep hard copy
SOX dweeb (smugly): The you have failed your control and I must report you to the highest possible echelon within the organisation who will inform of your failure and sack you. Sarbanes Oxley (SOx) is the alpha and the omega.
Office bloke: So fucking what? DIE!
/bang
SOX dweeb dies in a pool of it's own blood. Much rejoicing ensues.
by flatster October 24, 2006
Get the sarbanes oxley (SOx) mug.1) To drive a car through a shop window in order to illegally procure goods from aforementioned emporium.
2) Ulgy people can look like they've been ram raiding on motorcycles.
2) Ulgy people can look like they've been ram raiding on motorcycles.
1)
Chav: Lookit! Burbree! Lessnickit!
Chavette: 'right Kev! Puya foo' darn n ram raidit!
Chav: aight! Arma ram raider, me!
2)
She was so fucking ugly, she looked like she'd been ram raiding on a motorcycle.
Chav: Lookit! Burbree! Lessnickit!
Chavette: 'right Kev! Puya foo' darn n ram raidit!
Chav: aight! Arma ram raider, me!
2)
She was so fucking ugly, she looked like she'd been ram raiding on a motorcycle.
by flatster October 23, 2006
Get the ram raider mug.The second poxiest kind of "music" on the planet, rap being the number one all-time shitest. I won't even go into why; just listen to some and feel your IQ decrease and your brains slop out from your ears. You may want to wear a cap sideways after the experience and that also makes you like a nob.
Pure talentless drivel. If someone said I should listen to some I'd rather, and I quote, "stick my wedding tackle in a lions mouth while whipping it's love spuds with a wet towel".
Pure talentless drivel. If someone said I should listen to some I'd rather, and I quote, "stick my wedding tackle in a lions mouth while whipping it's love spuds with a wet towel".
by flatster October 9, 2006
Get the hip hop mug.Speedball was one of the greatest games on the Commodore Amiga computer (and ST but let's not talk about that POS - spit).
Written by the Bitmap Brothers and published in 1991, it combined elements of the film "Rollerball" and... a computer game. Extreme violence coupled with super-smooth graphics and crunching sound ensured a two-player contest between you and your best mate ended up in fisticuffs.
A sequel was written, Speedball 2, which captured all of the elements of the first game but introduced eight-way scrolling, extra ways to gain points and even more violence.
Luvverly.
Written by the Bitmap Brothers and published in 1991, it combined elements of the film "Rollerball" and... a computer game. Extreme violence coupled with super-smooth graphics and crunching sound ensured a two-player contest between you and your best mate ended up in fisticuffs.
A sequel was written, Speedball 2, which captured all of the elements of the first game but introduced eight-way scrolling, extra ways to gain points and even more violence.
Luvverly.
You: "Oi! Twat! Wanna game o' Speedball?"
Best Mate: "Ya! I'll fuckin' cream ya!"
You: "You reckon?"
5 minutes later
You: "Fuckin; cheat!"
Best Mate: "Bollocks! My joystick is better!"
You: "Mine got stuck! Cunt!"
Best Mate: "Ya! I'll fuckin' cream ya!"
You: "You reckon?"
5 minutes later
You: "Fuckin; cheat!"
Best Mate: "Bollocks! My joystick is better!"
You: "Mine got stuck! Cunt!"
by Flatster May 24, 2006
Get the speedball mug.