flatster's definitions

lorks

A very mild exclamation for use in polite company. The fuller version is "Lorks a lordy" if you have a need for a more vernacular expression.

"Lorks a Lordy! My bottom's on fire!"

***Courtesy of "The Young One's"***

by Flatster October 28, 2005

happy slappy

Criminal acts, often caught on mobile video phone's and passed around to other children to witness. Often these are scenes of bullying, rape, and, in some cases murder.

Newspaper headline: "Happy slappy incident: gang of 19, average age 12, gang rape girl, 13".

by Flatster November 26, 2005

jelly jewelry

The creation of jewelry consisting of semen.

Rings: during hand-shandy's
Necklace's: when she doesn't swallow
Bracelets: when she gives you a hand-shandy

She was tugging hard the other night and I shot me load, giving her some nice rings and plenty of other jelly jewelry as well...

by Flatster November 10, 2005

carpet kaleidoscope

The puddle of vomit on the floor. Typically indoors hence the "carpet" prefix.

Show's evidence of one's last meal and therefore consists of many colours. Hence, "kaleidoscope".

Strangely, all spew consists of carrot's and tomato skins regardless of what one has eaten.

"I feel sick..."
"Don't you being doing no carpet kaleidoscope in my house!"
***barf***"
"eeeuuuwww duuuuude!"

by Flatster October 28, 2005

bollocks on a bulldog

Something that stands out and is very visible. The bulldog's testiclar region is extremely prominant and hence the reference.

Bloke 1: "Fuck me sideways! She's had a tit job!"
Bloke 2: "Like bollocks on a bulldog mate!"

by flatster November 12, 2005

war face

Wide-eyed, adrenalin-filled psycho grimace on one's face as you charge in to battle/a fight/game of chicken. Exemplified by "Full Metal Jacket".

HARTMAN
Let me see your war face!

JOKER
Sir?

HARTMAN
You've got a war face? Aaaaaaaagh! That's a war face. Now let me see your war face!

JOKER
Aaaaaaaagh!

HARTMAN
Bullshit! You didn't convince me! Let me see your real war face!

JOKER
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!

HARTMAN
You didn't scare me! Work on it!

by Flatster May 18, 2006

auditor

The 21st century Gestapo. Will love you long time whilst going through your work to make sure everything is on the up-and-up but then will stab you in the back with an electrified letter-opener.

Scum of the office-world. The little prick who can hide behind company policy and get a hard-on when they find the dot above your "i" was 2 microns bigger than your company would like it to be

Auditor: "So pleased to be working with you! Could I see your ledger please?"

Worker: "No, fuck off you back stabbing, pedantic shit-stirrer. Come near me and I'll strangle you with your shoe laces".

by flatster December 16, 2008