Not-so-phantom faeces

when the methane emitted does actually contain feaces molecules, this may result in the unconciousness of people in your imediate vicinty

liam: fuck, that girl just dropped down dead

Gary: yeh, i just let out a not-so-phantom faeces

by flangeface March 27, 2011

Lythigate

1. To seize hold of, take without prior permission.
2. To gain possession with or without force.

Said either derogatorily or as means of alert.

a) My car has been taken by a Lythigator!
b) Here comes the Lythigation squad!
c) Every time I go past his house he lythigates my lighter

by FlangeFace June 23, 2013

crusty vag

crusty vag is when the walls of the vagina are lacking in moisture, in rare occasions when the vagina is at its upmost crustiness the vagina walls begin to fall apart, out of the entrance of the vag (vagina) a solution to crusty vag is to submerge the vag in warm tea for 4 - 6 hours, earl grey is best. the tea must be kept warm, this can be acheived by using a small candle or bunsen burner, or if you are lucky enough to have a bath in your kitchen you can use the hob.

geoffrey: what is that smell, smells like a jar of old foreskins thats been sitting under a radiator for 10 years
izzy: i dont know, its definitly not my vag

(izzy gets off her chair and scratches her vag)

geoffrey: there are smelly flakes falling out your skirt, you have crusty vag you vile slut

izzy: omg, no , this is so cringe, can you arrange a bath of earl grey for me

by flangeface March 09, 2011

Anal Hangings

after an abnormally large penis or other exceptionally large phallic shaped object has ascended through your rectal opening, and been withdrawn again in a repeated fashion, your areshole may lose some of its natural elasticity (in scientific terms, you have pushed it beyond its elastic potential) and rigidity, thus resulting in the inside of your anus now being the outsides of your anus, if this does happen, in mild cases a forefinger is enough to push the hangings back inside the anus, however in severe cases a plunger may be needed to reinsert your rectum, it is essential that you do not secrete feaces whilst experiencing anal hangings, also very important that you do not panic and remove the anal hangings with a sharp object. if all else fails, you can always submerge the hangings in warm earl grey tea for 4 - 6 hours and they will gradually retract.

gareth: jonathan i double dare you to insert this extra large cucumber into your anus until it has been fully engulfed by your rectum

Jonathan: gareth i dont think thats a good idea seeing as i only just got rid of my anal hangings from your last dare

gareth: dont worry jonathan i have a plunger in my bag and some earl grey on the stove, ready to tend to your AH

Jonathan: well seeing as you are so ready prepared for my inevitable anal hangings, i will insert this cucumber into my anus.

by flangeface March 26, 2011

anal regrets

when you hold in a fart for an extended period of time until it can be held in no more and when you finally let it go you gag at the stench.

wilfred: i just had a 4 hour meal with my girlfriend and her parents, major anal regrets when i got in my car

by flangeface March 27, 2011

White Chicken Pox

When a filthy slut is so shit faced that after performing oral sex and allowing her partner to seminate all over her face she passes out before cleaning her self up, resulting in a face full of crusty white spots in the morning

kelly: what did you do last night christine?

Christine: not much really, stayed in, watched a film with my mum.

kelly: oh really? how do you explain the white chicken pox then you filthy whore

Christine: fine! i took a face full spunk last night!

by flangeface March 27, 2011

Phantom Faeces

When you have a methane experience that is so moist you are actually convinced some faeces came with it

tom: think i might have just shat myself, i need to go clean myself up

dave: nah dont bother, probably just a phantom faeces

by flangeface March 27, 2011