13 definitions by evelyn waughfare
In-depth definition, PART NINE:
Charvae should not be mistaken for Geordies, who are a noble, radical and propsperous people. Neither should they be mixed up with other poor or low-income people in general, or with well-meaning people with learning difficulties who try their best. Charvism is in fact a very distinct form of social disease and a good way to imagine charvae if you do not live in Newcastle is to think of remedials from school, then imagine them interbreeding in class rather than learning to read. Testament to the other Geordies' will to help lift charvae above their wretched, hopeless status was the wonderful 'Let's take a charva much, much farva' campaign of 2001, which helped to raise over £63,000 for this unfortunate forgotten group. The campaign would still persist today with the famous 'HELP A CHARVA TODAY - THEY CAN'T HELP THEMSELVES' t-shirts, but all of the kindly donated money was pissed up the wall paying for tabs, pizza and SKY once it had been chored from the campaign headquarters by charvae.
The best way to upset a charva is to laugh at their poor clothes and unfortunate looks and the best way to destroy one is either to get them beaten up by a homosexual Goth in front of a laughing crowd of children, to paint 'nonce' right across the front of their house or to post their addresses in airports as havens for asylum seekers. The ultimate fate of all charvae is to be left on Earth to devolve back into the Dark Ages of random low-tech warfare, while the rest of humanity takes to the stars.
Despite being the pathetic, doomed, non-achieving cracker-spawn of multiple generations of unwanted children, charvae do have value, as they are walking, breathing examples of the importance of birth control.
Charvae should not be mistaken for Geordies, who are a noble, radical and propsperous people. Neither should they be mixed up with other poor or low-income people in general, or with well-meaning people with learning difficulties who try their best. Charvism is in fact a very distinct form of social disease and a good way to imagine charvae if you do not live in Newcastle is to think of remedials from school, then imagine them interbreeding in class rather than learning to read. Testament to the other Geordies' will to help lift charvae above their wretched, hopeless status was the wonderful 'Let's take a charva much, much farva' campaign of 2001, which helped to raise over £63,000 for this unfortunate forgotten group. The campaign would still persist today with the famous 'HELP A CHARVA TODAY - THEY CAN'T HELP THEMSELVES' t-shirts, but all of the kindly donated money was pissed up the wall paying for tabs, pizza and SKY once it had been chored from the campaign headquarters by charvae.
The best way to upset a charva is to laugh at their poor clothes and unfortunate looks and the best way to destroy one is either to get them beaten up by a homosexual Goth in front of a laughing crowd of children, to paint 'nonce' right across the front of their house or to post their addresses in airports as havens for asylum seekers. The ultimate fate of all charvae is to be left on Earth to devolve back into the Dark Ages of random low-tech warfare, while the rest of humanity takes to the stars.
Despite being the pathetic, doomed, non-achieving cracker-spawn of multiple generations of unwanted children, charvae do have value, as they are walking, breathing examples of the importance of birth control.
A good way to imagine a charva if you haven't seen one is to think of remedials from school, then imagine them interbreeding in class rather than learning to read
by evelyn waughfare November 29, 2003
In-depth definition, PART FIVE:
The language of charvae has bewildered linguists the world over, as no-one has been able to identify its roots. It seems to consist of a constant nasal whine that sounds like 'aaaaaa', which occasionally morphs into approximations of existing English words delivered in an extended manner, very much akin to Siberian throat-singing but with an undertone of suppressed rancour. A variation of this is the machine-gun-like delivery that accompanies an amphetamine session that often features the endless repetition of the words 'proper', 'how', 'ch', 'here, man', 'shan' and 'hollible'. The usage of these amusing jazz words by non-charvae is a source of constant chagrin to the charva
The language of charvae has bewildered linguists the world over, as no-one has been able to identify its roots. It seems to consist of a constant nasal whine that sounds like 'aaaaaa', which occasionally morphs into approximations of existing English words delivered in an extended manner, very much akin to Siberian throat-singing but with an undertone of suppressed rancour. A variation of this is the machine-gun-like delivery that accompanies an amphetamine session that often features the endless repetition of the words 'proper', 'how', 'ch', 'here, man', 'shan' and 'hollible'. The usage of these amusing jazz words by non-charvae is a source of constant chagrin to the charva
by evelyn waughfare November 29, 2003
In-depth defintion, PART FOUR:
Popular charva hobbies and pastimes include theft, fraud, fire and accruing large amounts of debt from Crazy Georges (now Bright House) which gives way to one of their favourite pursuits of all - moving house and changing their identity for the purposes of obtaining more credit. Most charvae hence owe anywhere upward of £20,000 and have multiple warrants out for their arrest. They are also keen larceners. However, competing over the most comprehensive and colourful criminal record is perhaps the most enduring folk-sport among charva-kind. At leisure (or in cells), favourite charva TV shows include 'Police, Camera, Action', 'Hard Bastards' and the profound observations aired by Trisha give them their early morning thinking-matter, which braces them for a hard day of drinking and teaching their toddlers to swear while simultaneously smacking them for asking questions. Charvae on the whole do not own cars, though a popular pursuit is to steal one to see how the other half live, then torch it out of envy. Charvae also do not enjoy carrying weapons of any description, against the popular belief. This is only because most cannot afford them, plus the fact that no-one will sell them to charvae in the wise belief that they would deploy them for sport at a moment's notice.
Popular charva hobbies and pastimes include theft, fraud, fire and accruing large amounts of debt from Crazy Georges (now Bright House) which gives way to one of their favourite pursuits of all - moving house and changing their identity for the purposes of obtaining more credit. Most charvae hence owe anywhere upward of £20,000 and have multiple warrants out for their arrest. They are also keen larceners. However, competing over the most comprehensive and colourful criminal record is perhaps the most enduring folk-sport among charva-kind. At leisure (or in cells), favourite charva TV shows include 'Police, Camera, Action', 'Hard Bastards' and the profound observations aired by Trisha give them their early morning thinking-matter, which braces them for a hard day of drinking and teaching their toddlers to swear while simultaneously smacking them for asking questions. Charvae on the whole do not own cars, though a popular pursuit is to steal one to see how the other half live, then torch it out of envy. Charvae also do not enjoy carrying weapons of any description, against the popular belief. This is only because most cannot afford them, plus the fact that no-one will sell them to charvae in the wise belief that they would deploy them for sport at a moment's notice.
Popular charva hobbies and pastimes include theft, fraud, fire and accruing large amounts of debt from Crazy Georges
by evelyn waughfare November 29, 2003
See mumpa. This is the word in the ascendance to describe a charva.
Synomyms: Wretched, pathetic, in-bred, teenage parents, examples of the need for birth control, catalogue-shoppers, fraudsters, debtors, doomed, cracker-spawn, unwanted, under-nourished, foolish, narrow, ultra-plebian, bastard children, unloved.
Synomyms: Wretched, pathetic, in-bred, teenage parents, examples of the need for birth control, catalogue-shoppers, fraudsters, debtors, doomed, cracker-spawn, unwanted, under-nourished, foolish, narrow, ultra-plebian, bastard children, unloved.
'Mumpas like to pretend to be rich, but they are in fact the poorest and most wretched people in the whole of the British Isles'
by evelyn waughfare December 4, 2003
Of, pertaining to or sharing characteristics with the work or ideas of Noam Chomsky
see also Chomskian
see also Chomskian
'Chomskyan in tone, the idea suggests that America isn't the innocent 1-dimensional young adolescent it paints itself to be, resulting in a reappraisal of what patriotism means - does it mean putting up with abhorrent lies blindly and thus being corrupt and false, or does it mean a love for the values of democracy?'
by evelyn waughfare November 26, 2003
'Charvae think they're scary and hard, but in fact they're just very, very, VERY funny' or 'charvae are like larvae, except they don't grow'
by evelyn waughfare November 24, 2003