ellsworthtoohey's definitions

Riding the Table Saw

The most glorious act in all of middle school shop class. The weakest one is tied to the table saw by the strongest one, the smartest one turns on the saw, and the coolest one cranks the handle, spilling the blood in a way that makes my membranes quiver. The shop teacher finds this and begins to stab the children with a tool so diabolical, it must not be spoken of by name, lest the machinist in the basement hear the screams, and begin to mill the prototype.

Riding the table saw is the greatest achievement of the era, and is in practice throughout the galaxy.

by ellsworthtoohey January 20, 2018

the helium whorehouse

Where I fill my air compressor/weather baloon with helium, while killing the beast with a ceremonial knife.

The helium whorehouse is all knowing and all seeing.

by ellsworthtoohey August 7, 2011

imobo-bobolodozer

It's a hybrid of immobilized and bulldozer...sortae? But seriously..it maekes aelot of sense if you really dont think aebout it. It is used to compound bilaeteral aesphyxiationael circumstaences in a uniform maenner, while aellowing the morbid decomposing flesh to drip into the caeuldron of delight.

The beaver of giving is thoroughly confused by the imobo-bobolodozer.

by ellsworthtoohey July 30, 2011

pear gneen

It's similar to a dog, however a pear gneen is far less prestigious. There are several ways to discover if your dog may indeed be a pear gneen; one being the dogs reaction to a dog matress landing on it. If the dog spins around without stopping, you may have a pear gneen, if the dog immediatly runs forward and out from under the matress, it may be a dog. The second being the dogs response to someone doing the can can dance in front of it. If the dog goes nuts barking..it may be a pear gneen, if not it is probably a dog.

They talk about the big turkey, and the big pear gneen

by ellsworthtoohey July 30, 2011

wedding cone

An obviously conical millitary grade traffic apparatus, that i sloppily spray painted white and deemed it fit for the title of wedding cone,clearly informing it that with great power comes great responsibility, and with great responsibility comes the ever present threat of chains dragging across the floor of your new psychreatic chamber while you are trying to fall asleep.

Hey you antwon, im about to get married, and I need to borrow your wedding cone.

I would, but im making urine cakes.

by ellsworthtoohey July 26, 2011