douglas young's definitions

alpha male

1. The (male) leader of a pack, usually earned his place through instilling fear in others. The pack is usually smarter than the alpha male, but is more afraid to have him as an enemy than a friend. Through evolution, however, the original alpha male behavior is becoming different; what was once fear of the leader himself, has now become fear of whatever the alpha male considers a threat to him. Despite the rank or power the alpha male may achieve through his methods in society, it is still a primitive role to have, due to the selfish nature of his life. Rest assured, if the pack ever had the chance, they would probably remove his role from their society without hesitation.

2. The dudes that pick who they want on their shitty teams in gym class. Arch nemesis of the nerd-people.

1. President Bush is an alpha male, if you know what I mean.
2. Greg, the alpha male, picked Scott for his dodgeball team; everyone thinks it's because Scott is well-built, but really Greg is just a closet homosexual and will jerk off to a picture he has of Scott when he gets home. He will then watch Sex in the City and drink cranberry juice.

by Douglas Young October 6, 2007

basement talker

An individual who is so bad and awkward at conversing that the only logical explanation is that their mind is focused on the fresh dead bodies they've got in their basement. They're thinking about:
- How many they've got
- If anyone knows
- If you know
- If you'd be a good addition to it
- About how much jail time they'd be sentenced to if they were ever caught

Greg: So you cut down trees? Ever have any accidents?
Basement Talker: Yes, many.
(Awkward pause)
Greg's Mind: (Shit, a basement talker. I'd better leave this conversation)
Greg: I have to, um, leave.
Basement Talker: Yes. Leave.

by Douglas Young February 8, 2008

tmz

A celebrity news source comprised of achingly annoying paparazzi and are completely oblivious to how pathetic and boring their news is. They will disturb a celebrity so much to simply get an aggravated reaction to report on. The organization on the whole is like a car crash-- you can't look away (at least for a minute) because of how stupid they are, which is why they're still around.

(Real Example)
TMZ Reporter 1: Johnny Knoxville was at LAX with a stuffed panda bear.
TMZ Reporter 2: What was he doing with a stuffed panda bear?
TMZ Reporter 1: I dunno.
TMZ Reporter 2: THOSE CRAZY CELEBS. PRINT IT!

by Douglas Young January 13, 2008

swords

Don't fuckin' touch swords!

Swords'll cut your fuckin' hands off!

by Douglas Young October 7, 2007

concessionist

Someone who works in concessions-- typically at a movie theatre. It's technically not a word according to most dictionaries, and usually gets the red squiggly line from most spell-checkers; but you can refer to this unofficial definition as your own little victory knowing that, as far as the rest of the world is concerned, it's a real word.

Harvard Grad: Excuse me, but a girl who works in your concessions spit in my cup before serving it to me.
Management: Don't you mean a concessionist?
Harvard Grad: That's not a fucking word you imbecile.
Management: (begins making a loogie)...let me see that cup.

by Douglas Young December 29, 2007

barbecue

The first thing a cashier will guess if you're buying hot dogs and buns, when really you're just a fucking bachelor.

Cashier: Having a barbecue?
Bachelor: ...no.

by Douglas Young October 27, 2007

railing

Played in the subways, railing is when you bolt down the train tracks right after a train has left the station, all the way down to the next station. The objective, of course, is to make it to the next one alive. The traditional round is played directly after the last passenger train has left, which is trailed then by the midnight express.

I hate railing in Russia, too many cables along the tracks; you're bound to trip cost you the game!

by Douglas Young January 26, 2008