When you're so desperate for a dump that you struggle to keep it in before reaching the sanctuary of a toilet. Also known as 'Touching cloth', 'pulling tongues', 'turtles head', 'getting a black eye', 'squeezing and 8 ball' etc...
'Can you hurry up in there mate, trap one has shit on the seat and i've got a monkeys toe out here?'
by chesterpest January 22, 2010
'Has anyone seen my April edition of 'MILF times', there's a Jazz crooner on page 42 that looks just like Mavis from accounts?'
by chesterpest January 17, 2010
A typical welshman/woman who bang on about their nationality and how 'welsh and proud' they are, naively oblivious of the biggest irony of all: that they nearly always come last at everything. On the rare occasion that they win something like a rugby match they get several years mileage out of it and often canonise the try scorer giving them fucking ridiculous names like 'Merve the swerve'. Another sad irony is that the most vociforous of these creatures can't even speak fucking welsh.
Have you heard that Dave now spells his name 'Dafydd' and has just posted a picture of a dragon on his facebook. Apparently his Nans, Uncles Father in Law was welsh - what a fucking daffodick!!!!
by chesterpest January 22, 2010
A smutty round robin email (usually slideshows of womens genitalia made to look like kebabs or turkeys), which successfully evade the attentions of the office IT police.
Geoffs latest scudmail was a powerpoint slideshow of really drunk tramps who had apparently shit themselves - it went down a storm in with the accounts boys.
by chesterpest January 22, 2010
'Right then Barry' declared sharon 'first things first, I want to see you talking to the captain before you stick that cock up me - its not all about you!!'
by chesterpest January 22, 2010
Contravertial alcoholic, dickie-bow wearing, TV Chef/funnyman who used his outdoor cookery programme as a weak pretext to travel the world, patronise and insult the local tribesmen, take advantage of local hospitality and get totally shitted on the local 'tipple' whilst simultaneously attempting to cook (and often fail spectacularly) their regional speciality dish. Sadly now deceased after years of alcohol abuse ravaged his slowly pickled body into submission.
Can we watch 'Keith Floyd around the Med' at 9pm tonight, apparently he's in Tunisia this time and apart from cooking lamb tagine with apricots he's going to be getting ripped to the tits on their local brew and taking the piss out of some local goatherders?
by chesterpest January 17, 2010
Alternative name for iladies breasts. Also known as ladylumps, mezulas, tatties, puppies, waps, tonkas, bullwinkles noses, tits, paps, threps, jugs, melons, funbags, etc
Gary had never imagined that a woman could cultivate such an award winning set of 'babies breakfasts', pity it was his sister.
by chesterpest January 17, 2010