carl j. maltese's definitions

United Provinces of America

From the movie "Deathrace: 2000"
Comprising all of North America and several overseas possesions and ruled by a 'Big Brother' type leader known as 'Mr. President.' The only political party in the UPA is known as the 'Bipartisan Party,' and order is maintained by a purple tuxedoed Secret Police.
The flag of the UPA consists of 13 gold and red stripes and small field of white in the upper left hand corner sporting a large gold open hand, as if ordering "halt!" surrounded by two gold lightening bolts.
The dulled and jaded popullace of the UPA gets it's only enjoyment from the annual Cross Country Road Race, aka The Deathrace, in which the various racers score points by running down pedestrians.

"I, your beloved Mr. President, have made the United Provinces of America the greates power on earth!"

by Carl J. Maltese April 18, 2007

should have polished the wood

What you should have done...instead of getting her pregnant!

He: "Damn! I should have polished the wood instead of knocking you up!"

She: "You were. But you forgot I was there!"

by Carl J. Maltese November 9, 2007

Civil Air Patrol

See: Wannabe's.
See also: Over-privledged high school boys; Overzealous subscriber to "Soldier of Fortune" magazine; Weekend paintballer with too much free time.

"Tony joind the Civil Air Patrol because he was too old for the Boy Scouts and too young for the Air Force. What a lame-ass wannabe!"

by Carl J. Maltese May 20, 2007

toasterphobia

Toasterphobia is the dreaded fear of sticking a fork into a toaster even after it's been unplugged....because sometimes the toaster remembers!

Mike: "Because of my severe toasterphobia, I have continuous nightmares about being chased by a giant toaster and a giant fork wearing running shoes!"

Art: "Dude, you're f**king wacked!!"

by Carl J. Maltese April 21, 2007

noitatami

"Imatation" spelled backwards. Used as a seemingly harmless word to describe someone of either gender who is: an annoying braggart, a B.S. artist, an egotist, is shallow, fake, two faced, and/or self-centered, and/or all of the above. Usually said "person" is so-full-of-themselves that they never figure out what the word is or means!

"Ha! Listen to that Mikey talken' about single-handedly winning the football game! Like we didn't help. What a noitatami!!"

by Carl J. Maltese April 29, 2007

religidiot

"Religidiot," rhymes with "Village Idiot."
Derogatory term for a Christian Fundamentalist...who usually deserves it.

"This was once a nice, quite town of tolerance and intellectualism until the religidiots took over and burned all the books in the public library."

by Carl J. Maltese March 31, 2007

Eastasia

One of the three world superstates as described in George Orwell's "1984." Eastasia consists of China, Mongolia, India, parts of the middle-east not occupied by Eurasia, Indochina, Malaysia, New Guinea, Korea, all the Japanese islands, and all the remaining pacific islands not occupied by Oceania. A description of their flag is unknown.
All three superstates have the exact same styles of government, with the same ideologies, but with different names. Oceania calls it "Ingsoc" (English Socialism in newspeak), Eurasia calls it "Neo-Bolshevism," and the Eastasian term translates as "death-of-the-self."
Ostensibly, the three superstates are waging continuous war for the contol of Central Africa, Madagasgar, the middle-east, Indochina, and the north and south polar ice caps.

See also: Oceania, Eurasia, 1984, and George Orwell.

"We are at war with Eastasia. We've always been at war with Eastasia."

by Carl J. Maltese April 24, 2007