Yet Another Josh Cohen's definitions

manage expectations

corporate doublespeak for "we don't want to do our best, so let's make sure people think we're doing our best without revealing that we're not doing our best" -- anything in which you have to "manage expectations" means you could probably devote more time and effort to making things better, but you just don't feel like it

Marketing has to manage expectations of our new software package so that the boss doesn't make us do any more work.

by Yet Another Josh Cohen January 13, 2007

suicide lane

A lane on a roadway that, depending upon the time of day, changes direction of travel. Sometimes, as in Snellville, Georgia, the direction of travel is noted by an electric sign every 200 feet hanging across the highway. Other times, as in parts of Maryland, there is nothing but a sign.

Example:

| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 |

From 5am to noon, lanes 1, 2, 3, and 4 are Southbound, lane 5 is a turn lane, and lanes 6 and 7 are Northbound. From noon to 8pm, lanes 1 and 2 are Southbound, lane 3 is a turn lane, and lanes 4 through 7 are Northbound.

The suicide lanes on 78 always creep me out just a bit.

by Yet Another Josh Cohen December 28, 2005

fuckerware party

A party, usually attended by women or couples (but almost never just by men, and single men are almost never invited unless they're of the homosexual occasion). It is held at one person's house. That person may or may not be the host. Whomever the host actually is will come to the party with several large plastic bins filled with sex toys, lingerie, lubricants, and oils.

Kind of like a Pampered Chef, Tastefully Simple, or Tupperware party.

Ever since my wife came home with all that stuff from the fuckerware party, she hasn't had sex with me.

by Yet Another Josh Cohen April 12, 2006

prius tetris

When driving a Prius, you can view a bar-graph of your fuel consumption over the past 30 minutes. A "prius tetris" is when you go five consecutive minutes (or more) at 99.9 miles per gallon. This shows on your bar-graph as a long, straight bar, similar to the four-high bars in Tetris.

No wonder you don't need any gas! You're always getting a prius tetris!

by Yet Another Josh Cohen March 10, 2009

viking funeral

An overblown, overpriced funeral for a public figure -- such as a musician, politician, actor, or athlete -- that is vastly disproportionate to how much attention s/he needed to receive.

Peter: "Hey, did you see Paris speaking at the Michael Jackson funeral?"

Stewart: "How could I not? That viking funeral was on every blasted channel!"

by Yet Another Josh Cohen July 14, 2009

safe call

1. An outgrowth of the BDSM safeword, by which you arrange with a friend before meeting someone new that you'll call him/her at a certain time. If your friend receives this call, all is well. If your friend does NOT receive this call, it is the friend's sworn duty to call the police and report a problem. Very popular in a world where you meet someone from the internet who might be crazy.

2. A friend you can call when you want to evoid someone else. You can literally call and start a conversation mid-stream, and your friend knows what you're doing and plays along.

1. Herbert, you'll have to uncuff me so I can make my safe call.

2. It may sound weird when Susan's on the phone, but that's because I'm her safe call.

by Yet Another Josh Cohen October 28, 2005

yogurt spooge

The spray of yogurt drops that flies out and gets all over your desk or clothes when you open a container of yogurt.

Tracy: Ugh, dude, what's that white stuff all over your shirt?

Mike: That's yogurt spooge. Want some? (offers spoon)

by Yet Another Josh Cohen March 17, 2009