Yet Another Josh Cohen's definitions

suicide lane

A lane on a roadway that, depending upon the time of day, changes direction of travel. Sometimes, as in Snellville, Georgia, the direction of travel is noted by an electric sign every 200 feet hanging across the highway. Other times, as in parts of Maryland, there is nothing but a sign.

Example:

| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 |

From 5am to noon, lanes 1, 2, 3, and 4 are Southbound, lane 5 is a turn lane, and lanes 6 and 7 are Northbound. From noon to 8pm, lanes 1 and 2 are Southbound, lane 3 is a turn lane, and lanes 4 through 7 are Northbound.

The suicide lanes on 78 always creep me out just a bit.

by Yet Another Josh Cohen December 28, 2005

noodle incident

Something that happened in the past. No one talks about it, no one knows exactly what it was. But everyone agrees that it was something embarassing or bad.

From "Calvin and Hobbes".

(At a 20-year High School Reunion)
Wife: Why is everyone looking at you funny?
Husband: They must not have forgotten the noodle incident.
Wife: You never told me about that. What was it?
Husband: ... ... it was... the noodle incident. (looks away shamefully)
Wife: (goes off to find someone to explain this to her)

by Yet Another Josh Cohen September 22, 2006

lolcat

A photo of a cat doing a seemingly-innocuous thing, with large text superimposed. Sort of an offshoot of the orly owl. Also called cat macros

"I made you a cookie but I eated it", "ceiling cat is watching you masturbate", and "I see what you did there" are good examples of lolcats.

by Yet Another Josh Cohen February 11, 2007

fuckerware party

A party, usually attended by women or couples (but almost never just by men, and single men are almost never invited unless they're of the homosexual occasion). It is held at one person's house. That person may or may not be the host. Whomever the host actually is will come to the party with several large plastic bins filled with sex toys, lingerie, lubricants, and oils.

Kind of like a Pampered Chef, Tastefully Simple, or Tupperware party.

Ever since my wife came home with all that stuff from the fuckerware party, she hasn't had sex with me.

by Yet Another Josh Cohen April 12, 2006

yogurt spooge

The spray of yogurt drops that flies out and gets all over your desk or clothes when you open a container of yogurt.

Tracy: Ugh, dude, what's that white stuff all over your shirt?

Mike: That's yogurt spooge. Want some? (offers spoon)

by Yet Another Josh Cohen March 17, 2009

ass-to-pants ratio

The percentage number that indicates how nice someone's ass looks inside their pants, shorts, bathing suit, skirt, dress, or underwear. The closer to 100%, the better that ass looks. May be abbreviated as ATP.

"Denise always buys the pants that make her butt look perfect. Every day, she's got a 100% ass-to-pants ratio."

by Yet Another Josh Cohen December 9, 2007

standard cycle

The graphable curve by which men can measure the frequency with which they receive blowjobs over the lifetime of a relationship.

If x=days spent in relationship and y=number of blowjobs-per-month, then as x increases, y decreases. The curve usually looks like the positive side of a hyperbolic graph, starting with y being very high and eventually reaching somewhere between 0 and 1, actually hitting zero if the relationship is in the marriage phase.

Dude 1: I used to get a lot of blowjobs, but they tapered off and eventually stopped happening. The standard cycle.

Dude 2: My standard cycle is a straight line that never goes above one.

Dude 1: Your wife sucks.

Dude 2: No, she doesn't, and that's the problem.

by Yet Another Josh Cohen December 4, 2009