Yet Another Josh Cohen's definitions

manage expectations

corporate doublespeak for "we don't want to do our best, so let's make sure people think we're doing our best without revealing that we're not doing our best" -- anything in which you have to "manage expectations" means you could probably devote more time and effort to making things better, but you just don't feel like it

Marketing has to manage expectations of our new software package so that the boss doesn't make us do any more work.

by Yet Another Josh Cohen January 13, 2007

yogurt spooge

The spray of yogurt drops that flies out and gets all over your desk or clothes when you open a container of yogurt.

Tracy: Ugh, dude, what's that white stuff all over your shirt?

Mike: That's yogurt spooge. Want some? (offers spoon)

by Yet Another Josh Cohen March 17, 2009

standard cycle

The graphable curve by which men can measure the frequency with which they receive blowjobs over the lifetime of a relationship.

If x=days spent in relationship and y=number of blowjobs-per-month, then as x increases, y decreases. The curve usually looks like the positive side of a hyperbolic graph, starting with y being very high and eventually reaching somewhere between 0 and 1, actually hitting zero if the relationship is in the marriage phase.

Dude 1: I used to get a lot of blowjobs, but they tapered off and eventually stopped happening. The standard cycle.

Dude 2: My standard cycle is a straight line that never goes above one.

Dude 1: Your wife sucks.

Dude 2: No, she doesn't, and that's the problem.

by Yet Another Josh Cohen December 4, 2009

ass-to-pants ratio

The percentage number that indicates how nice someone's ass looks inside their pants, shorts, bathing suit, skirt, dress, or underwear. The closer to 100%, the better that ass looks. May be abbreviated as ATP.

"Denise always buys the pants that make her butt look perfect. Every day, she's got a 100% ass-to-pants ratio."

by Yet Another Josh Cohen December 9, 2007

poop friend

A friend you're close enough to that you can talk about poop -- having to poop, the smell of it, that you just fired off a big one, that sort of thing. Very valuable.

"Ugh, I still feel like crap. I fired one off 10 minutes ago and it didn't help."
'What, a poop?'
"Yeah... we're poop friends, right? I can tell you that, right?"
'Uhh... yes?'

by Yet Another Josh Cohen October 30, 2007

facebook singing

The practice of, when you see a song lyric on Facebook or another social networking website, singing the next lyric. Usually someone will add a third, then a fourth, and so on.

(originally coined by Sethual Chocolate)

Jeff Smith says I believe I can fly

John Jones says I believe I can touch the sky

Kim German says I think about it every night and day

Phyllis Seymour wants to spread my wings and fly away

Andrew Rickenbacker just doesn't understand all this facebook singing.

by Yet Another Josh Cohen March 30, 2009

mrha

"Message received, humor acknowledged." On the internet, everyone types lol when they really aren't laughing out loud. This is a way to say "I am making you aware that I have received your link/message/quotation and discovered that it was indeed humorous. I did not, however, laugh out loud."

You: "Hey, check out this picture on the FailBlog!"

Me: *click click click* "mrha"

by Yet Another Josh Cohen January 18, 2009