Definitions by YAWA

...in the 'fridge

The euthanasia-induced, temporary repository for a beloved, yet incontinent, demented and disease-riddled family pet that has succumbed to the unfortunate ravages of time...

Ok kids, 'Boots' is ...in the 'fridge; we gotta get her out and into the ground before the Vet charges us for another month of 'storage'...go get yer shovels...

...in the 'fridge by YAWA May 30, 2018

Roomba trail 

When your newly purchased, exquisitely autonomous technology discovers a big fat pile of dog shit during its 3am 'time to clean' wake-up programming and proceeds to generously distribute the filth in a robotically inspired carpet dance throughout your entire household.

Guess what? I just followed a dog shit roomba trail covering every room in my house...when did that fucker learn to climb stairs!!? We're done with the robot thing...hell no to that!!

Roomba trail by YAWA May 26, 2018

Southernectomy 

A strenuous, hopeless attempt to remove abject ignorance--thinking borne out of systematic and pervasive, life-long misinformation, confirmation bias and offensive, contemptible ideology--found almost exclusively below the Mason-Dixon Line.

The Southernectomy failed! We simply couldn't save her from herself. She will remain forever enslaved by the failed, backward-thinking, knuckle-dragging mentality of bible-belt ideology.

Southernectomy by YAWA May 23, 2018

Sicko Coach 

A term befitting even the most successful athletic coach after a history of illicit predatory sexual behavior is discovered and publicly exposed.

Q-Did your kids sign up for gymnastics yet? Our team just won sectional championship for the first time!!
A-Not yet. I'm waiting to see if all of the publicity will expose a sicko coach; I'd prefer that my daughter not be molested.

Sicko Coach by YAWA May 23, 2018

equal misery 

The supreme balance achieved only when professional, social and family interactions reach equally profound levels of distaste and offense.

Yo! It's celebration time y'all! Timmy has finally reached equal misery! Now he's genuinely depressed at work, at home and at the bar... YAY!!

equal misery by YAWA May 12, 2018

ecumenically contrived 

A proven willingness to creatively modify scripture, oppress alternative translations and categorically deny contrary, dis-confirming evidence ... all in a desperate attempt to satisfy the criteria of messiahship.

If you came to understand that the 'virgin birth' was ecumenically contrived, would you still need to believe it? What about walking on water...?

ecumenically contrived by YAWA May 4, 2018

SHUT'YER MUSH 

A phrase uttered in abject despair as an attempt to arrest further non-sensical commentary by the genuinely clueless.

Oh, it's obvious that everything happens for 'a reason' , that god is in the trees and that the universe wants you to have anything you desire!!
(looking skyward with out-stretched arms): SHUT'YER MUSH

SHUT'YER MUSH by YAWA May 3, 2018