WatcherMark's definitions

Walking in on yourself

A term used to describe when a person suddenly realises what a mistake probably making by asking "What are you doing?" to themselves as if they'd just walked in to witness themselves acting this way.

Tim: I just had a moment of clarity, you know, I woke up. It's like... you know when you have an orgasm on your own? You know, you're sort of lying on the sofa watching some porn movie you bought on a drunken lonely night in Soho, and you're lying there and everything's going really great, you're getting totally turned on by these absurdly graphic images, everything seems so right, and suddenly - phht! Bingo! You wake up. And you're lying there sweating, desperately looking for the tissue which you know is still in your pocket, and the remote control which is somewhere on the floor, and it's like walking in on yourself, you know? It's just like "What're you doing?" That's how I felt tonight feeling my heart miss a beat everytime the door opened. "What the fuck are you doing?"

by WatcherMark January 14, 2019

Silent retreat

You've had a night out, you got drunk and went home with someone to their place. Sex was had and you went to sleep happy, satisfied and wasted.

You wake up the next day and suddenly realise what you did. Full of regret (for whatever reason), you then try to make a silent retreat so last night's partner doesn't notice you leaving and ask any awkward questions (like "can I call you?")

Henry: It felt so right at the time, me and Sarah had this huge argument, this girl was all over me and pretty soon we're back at her place.

Eddie: Oh geez...
Henry: Yeah. I wake up next morning to find myself next to this complete stranger lying asleep and text messages from Sarah telling me how sorry she is.
Eddie: What did you do?
Henry: Make a silent retreat. Last thing I needed was her asking me for my number.

by WatcherMark May 23, 2019

yoko ono syndrome

Yoko Ono Symdrome is used to describe when someone chooses to hate and vilify another person for the crime of dating a celebrity they find attractive, regardless of the massive odds of that person ever getting together with said celebrity themselves. Typically occurs to fans of teenage boybands.

The term comes from the massive hate Yoko Ono received from female fans of the Beatles following her relationship and marriage to John Lennon.

"I'm worried about my daughter, she keeps writing blog posts about how she hates anyone dating Harry Styles because she wants him for herself. I think she has Yoko Ono Syndrome."

by WatcherMark August 2, 2016

Hooked

When a person (the 'Hooker') starts stringing along someone who they know is romantically interested in them, turning them down while still leaving a small possibility of a relationship (with excuses such as "It's a bad time at the moment"). In reality however the Hooker is really waiting for someone more desirable to become available (with the person on the receiving end being the 'Hookee'). The Hooker may also use the Hookee to enjoy some of the benefits of a relationship (such as paying for nights out).

Dave: So, did you ask Jen out?

Marty: Yes, she said she really likes me but isn't looking to date 'at the moment'.

Dave: Aw man, she's got you hooked!

by WatcherMark September 21, 2012

Mansplaining

A term used to describe an instance where a man will attempt to explain something to a woman as if they're talking to a young child. In many cases, what the man is trying to explain is something which the woman already understands... or at least, has a better understanding of than the person who believes it is his duty to school her.

Fiona: Just the other day my boyfriend tried to explain to me the right way to cook and prepare dinner.
Jessica: But... you're a chef!
Fiona: I know, but that didn't matter to him. I had to listen to him mansplaining to me the right way to do it. From a guy who only knows how to nuke ready meals in the microwave.

by WatcherMark January 4, 2019

lockdown beard

A phenomenon that occurred over the majority of 2020 where people have grown beards during their time in lockdown during the COVID-19 pandemic (either because they wanted to try a new look, couldn't be bothered to shave or a combination of the two).

"I haven't done much during the last few months, just grew a lockdown beard and that's about it.

by WatcherMark November 4, 2020

Heart of the Cards

The idea that an inanimate object can someone provide you with exactly what you need at exactly the right time.

The term comes from the popular Japanese anime/toy advert Yu-Gi-Oh, which centres around a card game played by the titular hero. Often when playing, Yu-Gi-Oh will call on the Heart of the Cards to provide him with the precise card(s) he needs to win the game, which it somehow usually does.

Doug: (thinks during a poker game) I have three queens and a jack. If I believe in the Heart of the Cards, the deck will provide me with the jack I need.
(Doug pulls a two)
Doug: DAMMIT

by WatcherMark September 19, 2019