37 definition by Uncle Joosie

Karla bumped in to old-friend Susie on the street, with her three-month-old, Emmett, decked out in a sailor suit, giggling endlessly. "He is so adorable in that get-up that I just want to slap him," Karla remarked to Susie, who quickly explained that she was suffering from Violent Affection Syndrome (VAS). Susie took Emmett and kept walking down the street.

in recent testimony, Brett said he was super sure he's never sexually assaulted anyone and started phony kavanaugh tears when realizing his dream to get on the supreme court was going down the shitter.

early one morning, Timothy took a noticeably low-volume crap, and then flushed and washed his hands. A few minutes later he realized it was an Opera Poop—one that required a second and possibly a third visit to the toilet.

Travis noticed a lanky guy walking down the street and used his trusty Size Queen Radar to determine that yes that dude was hung like a rhino.

Tucker Carlson was interviewing Glenn Greenwald on Fixed Noise with resting constipation face as they both slammed Hillary for sending some email.

Cletus the HysteriCon heard about a baker being forced to make a cake for a gay wedding and was so enraged that he camped outside the bakery with a gun; wrote a letter to the editor; and upvoted some nazi posts on Reddit.

Brindy was in the CNN production room during a live broadcast when she committed an act of Chyronalism; from a quick Google search she found Donald Trump to be a lying shitbird and corrected him on-screen in the chyron.