Ubeenbamboozledson's definitions

Bait and Switch

A form of humor where the audience expects something obvious to happen, but then something else happens/appears out of nowhere.

Bait and Switch Example:

(ASDF)

Bully: "Hey, you four-eyed freak!"

Guy with glasses: "Ah..."

(The screen zooms out, revealing a third person; a midget who LITERALLY has four eyes)

"...Don't listen to him!"

(The guy with four eyes screeches at him)

by Ubeenbamboozledson March 8, 2022

Captain Sofa

A position of authority where you have full control of a sofa and who sits on it. Nobody is allowed to sit on the sofa unless they say, "Permission to board, sir?"

"Captain Sofa" originated from a Pickles comic:

Opal: *Sits on the sofa*

Earl: *Clears throat*

Opal: Forget it. I don't care if you ARE Captain Sofa. I'm not saying "Permission to board, sir?" every time I sit down here.

by Ubeenbamboozledson March 8, 2022

Why didn't you go with him?

When you don't realize a person is dead and you suffer a severe case of foot-in-mouth disease.

Earl: "I'm such an idiot. I saw our neighbor Mrs. Lundgren at the store today, so I asked her how her husband was doing. I didn't know he was dead. She said 'he's gone' and I thought he was on a trip. So I asked, 'Why didn't you go with him?'"

Opal (horrified): EARL!!!

~ "Pickles" by Brian Crane

by Ubeenbamboozledson March 8, 2022

Ben Stiller is not Batman

One of the funniest moments in the history of the Vanoss Crew, where Terroriser states that Ben Stiller is Batman instead of Ben Affleck.

Terroriser (In his Terminator voice while shooting Batman NPCs): HELLO! AHHH, FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU, BEN STILLER! FUCK YOU, BEN STILLER! COME ON, YOU FUCK!

Panda (After Terroriser kills them all): I have to point out something...BEN STILLER IS NOT BATMAN!

(Everyone starts laughing)

Terroriser: What? I SAID BEN STILLER??

Wildcat: Ben AFFLECK!

Terroriser: Ah, fuck! I called Zoolander "Batman"!

Panda: You stupid bastard!

by Ubeenbamboozledson March 8, 2022

Doorstopper

A book that is so comically large, it can literally be used as an actual doorstopper.

My doorstopper of a book is just shy of 1,000 pages. And the pages are HUGE.

by Ubeenbamboozledson March 9, 2022

Like Baptizing A Cat

Extremely difficult and painful.

Dealing with a Karen in your workplace is like baptizing a cat.

by Ubeenbamboozledson March 11, 2022

Facebook Probation

When Facebook punishes you by placing sanction(s) on your account to restrict what you can do instead of just putting you in Facebook Jail.

"Why didn't you comment on my post bro"

"I can't. I'm on Facebook Probation and can't comment on any posts until Monday"

by Ubeenbamboozledson March 12, 2022