Definitions by Toast.Jerviss
Righteous Social Media Health Services Narcissist
(noun)
A person (purposeful Buzzkill) who weaponises niche or overly specialised—often out-of-context, incorrect, inaccurate, or incomplete—medical information as social currency. They deliver unsolicited, alarmist health warnings to satisfy a narcissistic need for superiority, establishing a moral hierarchy in which they are the enlightened expert and everyone else is an uninformed consumer. The behaviour functions entirely as a performative ego boost, masked as public advocacy.
A person (purposeful Buzzkill) who weaponises niche or overly specialised—often out-of-context, incorrect, inaccurate, or incomplete—medical information as social currency. They deliver unsolicited, alarmist health warnings to satisfy a narcissistic need for superiority, establishing a moral hierarchy in which they are the enlightened expert and everyone else is an uninformed consumer. The behaviour functions entirely as a performative ego boost, masked as public advocacy.
(Jordan is happily eating a hot dog at a backyard barbecue.)
Alex: "You know, eating processed meats is incredibly reckless. The sodium nitrites actively mutate your cells and cause an immediate spike in your LDL cholesterol, which..." (continues spewing medical info no one asked for or cares about)
Jordan: (Lowers hot dog, looks Alex dead in the eye) "Man, shut the fuck up. You’re being a textbook Righteous Social Media Health Services Narcissist. Weaponising and mansplaining unsolicited medical bullshit no one cares about, just to ruin something everyone else is enjoying for a quick ego boost. It's pathetic.”
Alex: "You know, eating processed meats is incredibly reckless. The sodium nitrites actively mutate your cells and cause an immediate spike in your LDL cholesterol, which..." (continues spewing medical info no one asked for or cares about)
Jordan: (Lowers hot dog, looks Alex dead in the eye) "Man, shut the fuck up. You’re being a textbook Righteous Social Media Health Services Narcissist. Weaponising and mansplaining unsolicited medical bullshit no one cares about, just to ruin something everyone else is enjoying for a quick ego boost. It's pathetic.”
Righteous Social Media Health Services Narcissist by Toast.Jerviss September 25, 2026
Social Justice Arsonist
A person who desperately wants to be the hero of a moral crisis, but reality has inconsiderately failed to provide one, so they manufacture the emergency themselves.
They take something harmless, ordinary, or mildly ambiguous, pour assumptions over it, sprinkle on imaginary symbolism, strike a match labelled “I KNOW WHAT THIS REALLY MEANS”, and announce that civilisation is burning.
Then they heroically arrive with the fire extinguisher.
For the fire they started.
It is hero syndrome with Wi-Fi: create the problem, “discover” it, publicly battle it, then expect applause for defeating the crisis you invented because apparently Tuesday was too peaceful.
If someone points out there was never actually a fire, congratulations: they are now “part of the problem”.
Suddenly there are secret codes, hidden meanings, suspicious angles, screenshots with red circles, and twelve-minute videos explaining why an ordinary object is evidence of systemic evil.
Every explanation becomes “proof”. Every disagreement becomes “complicity”.
At that point, you are not fighting injustice. You are writing outrage fan fiction: casting yourself as the hero, inventing the villain, supplying your own evidence, and demanding a medal.
A Social Justice Arsonist commits moral arson, investigates their own fire, appoints themselves first responder, holds a press conference about their courage, and gets furious when nobody nominates them for Firefighter of the Year.
They take something harmless, ordinary, or mildly ambiguous, pour assumptions over it, sprinkle on imaginary symbolism, strike a match labelled “I KNOW WHAT THIS REALLY MEANS”, and announce that civilisation is burning.
Then they heroically arrive with the fire extinguisher.
For the fire they started.
It is hero syndrome with Wi-Fi: create the problem, “discover” it, publicly battle it, then expect applause for defeating the crisis you invented because apparently Tuesday was too peaceful.
If someone points out there was never actually a fire, congratulations: they are now “part of the problem”.
Suddenly there are secret codes, hidden meanings, suspicious angles, screenshots with red circles, and twelve-minute videos explaining why an ordinary object is evidence of systemic evil.
Every explanation becomes “proof”. Every disagreement becomes “complicity”.
At that point, you are not fighting injustice. You are writing outrage fan fiction: casting yourself as the hero, inventing the villain, supplying your own evidence, and demanding a medal.
A Social Justice Arsonist commits moral arson, investigates their own fire, appoints themselves first responder, holds a press conference about their courage, and gets furious when nobody nominates them for Firefighter of the Year.
Karen noticed that the café had arranged three brown muffins next to two white muffins and immediately posted a fourteen-part TikTok series titled ‘Pastry Apartheid: The Colonial Violence Hidden in Your Breakfast.’
The café explained that the employee had simply put the muffins on the tray in the order they came out of the oven.
Naturally, this made things worse.
‘EXACTLY,’ they replied. ‘You think ovens are neutral? Maybe ask yourself why the brown muffins had to endure more heat.’
By lunchtime, they had produced a diagram, circled the muffin tray in red, identified the cooling rack as a ‘historically oppressive spatial hierarchy’, demanded the resignation of a nineteen-year-old barista named Kyle, and organised a boycott attended by themselves and one extremely confused DoorDash driver.
That is a Social Justice Arsonist: somebody who sees a muffin, invents a hate crime, solves the hate crime they invented, and then gets pissed off when the city refuses to lower the flags to half-mast.
The café explained that the employee had simply put the muffins on the tray in the order they came out of the oven.
Naturally, this made things worse.
‘EXACTLY,’ they replied. ‘You think ovens are neutral? Maybe ask yourself why the brown muffins had to endure more heat.’
By lunchtime, they had produced a diagram, circled the muffin tray in red, identified the cooling rack as a ‘historically oppressive spatial hierarchy’, demanded the resignation of a nineteen-year-old barista named Kyle, and organised a boycott attended by themselves and one extremely confused DoorDash driver.
That is a Social Justice Arsonist: somebody who sees a muffin, invents a hate crime, solves the hate crime they invented, and then gets pissed off when the city refuses to lower the flags to half-mast.
Social Justice Arsonist by Toast.Jerviss September 22, 2026
Old Man Larry
Old Man Larry by Toast.Jerviss November 13, 2023
Moby The Dick
A pasty pale white racist who is disgusting example of a dad bod when they don’t have their shirt on.
Moby The Dick by Toast.Jerviss July 19, 2022
A wicked Jeff
A wicked Jeff occurs when you have to poop so bad you end up reenacting the bathroom scene from the movie ”Dumb and Dumber”
A wicked Jeff by Toast.Jerviss September 24, 2019
Orange Goblin
A US President who uses too much fake tan and who is ridiculously corrupt. He should be impeached and tossed on jail.
Also known as Donald Trump
Also known as Donald Trump
Orange Goblin by Toast.Jerviss September 24, 2019