Definitions by Studs Lonigan III
Buttfucked in the Face
(p.t. v): One's own acknowledgement of a soul-crushing embarrassing moment of being humiliated by people of stature; family members, bosses, colleagues, and friends.
Nick (consoling Bill as he is hunched down and crying): Hey, Bill. I saw what happened. It's not that bad. I mean, just go home, sleep on it and tomorrow is another day, man.
Bill (wiping the tears off his face as he looks back at Nick): Nick, you don't understand. I was in the middle of the biggest proposal of my life. Then, just before asking Amy for my hand in marriage in front of her family, my family, friends, co-workers, my fuckin' boss, I bend down with the ring in my hand to ask Amy, the love of my life, for her hand in marriage, and sharted. Everyone was silent for a brief moment, then they all started laughing. Then they were pointing at me. Then they were mimicking me bending down and sharting. Nick, I felt like I got Buttfucked in the Face.
Nick: Bill, if it makes you feel any better...I fucked Amy last night. She's a whore.
Bill (wiping the tears off his face as he looks back at Nick): Nick, you don't understand. I was in the middle of the biggest proposal of my life. Then, just before asking Amy for my hand in marriage in front of her family, my family, friends, co-workers, my fuckin' boss, I bend down with the ring in my hand to ask Amy, the love of my life, for her hand in marriage, and sharted. Everyone was silent for a brief moment, then they all started laughing. Then they were pointing at me. Then they were mimicking me bending down and sharting. Nick, I felt like I got Buttfucked in the Face.
Nick: Bill, if it makes you feel any better...I fucked Amy last night. She's a whore.
Buttfucked in the Face by Studs Lonigan III April 17, 2026
Niggwinked
Nigg-wingked
past verb
To be deceived or tricked by a black person, especially if you are a white liberal.
past verb
To be deceived or tricked by a black person, especially if you are a white liberal.
Karen: Karen, do you remember that cute lil' black kid, Lil' Nas X, singing that country song "Old Town Road" that our little kids enjoyed a few years back?
Karen II: Oh, yeah. That was cute. Why do you ask?
Karen: Well, it looks like Lil' Nas X, was recently on SNL and MTV worshipping Satan, twerking, eating at Satan's butthole and sucking the Devil's cock!
Karen II: Karen, it looks like we've been Niggwinked!
Karen II: Oh, yeah. That was cute. Why do you ask?
Karen: Well, it looks like Lil' Nas X, was recently on SNL and MTV worshipping Satan, twerking, eating at Satan's butthole and sucking the Devil's cock!
Karen II: Karen, it looks like we've been Niggwinked!
Niggwinked by Studs Lonigan III December 6, 2025
Pre-Cum Shot
(n): A liquor parlor shot made out of 1/2 vodka, 1/2 RumChata, served in a salted rim shot glass. The etymology of the shot came from a conversation amongst friends when in the hypothetical accident in which one man sticks his dick through a gloryhole and instead of receiving a mouth on the other end, the said penis is actually head-butted by another receiving penis. After a few moments of the two penises rubbing against each other, one (or both) of the man's penis(es) achieve premature ejaculation or pre-cum.
The actual liquor shot combination with the salted rim actually achieves the accumulated taste of a white chocolate pretzel.
The actual liquor shot combination with the salted rim actually achieves the accumulated taste of a white chocolate pretzel.
Logan (coming back from the men's bathroom): Hey, did you see that hole in the wall in the bathroom? It looks like a gloryhole.
Nick: Yeah, I saw that. Hey, imagine there's two guys each on the opposite sides of that wall and at the same time they stick their dicks through the hole, touching at the same time.
Logan: That's disgusting!
Nick: Even worse, as they accidentally touch dicks, they get a pre-cum.
Logan (gagging to hold back his mouth-puke): We should create a shot of that. Hey, Barry (the bartender). Can we get a 1/2 shot of vodka and a 1/2 shot of RumChata with a salted rim?
Barry (pouring the shots): What do you call these shots?
Nick & Logan: Pre-Cum Shot
Nick: Yeah, I saw that. Hey, imagine there's two guys each on the opposite sides of that wall and at the same time they stick their dicks through the hole, touching at the same time.
Logan: That's disgusting!
Nick: Even worse, as they accidentally touch dicks, they get a pre-cum.
Logan (gagging to hold back his mouth-puke): We should create a shot of that. Hey, Barry (the bartender). Can we get a 1/2 shot of vodka and a 1/2 shot of RumChata with a salted rim?
Barry (pouring the shots): What do you call these shots?
Nick & Logan: Pre-Cum Shot
Pre-Cum Shot by Studs Lonigan III January 21, 2025
So, Who's Gonna Win the Superbowl This Year?
A buffer interjection of comic relief to be used at a proper time when one sees a friendly group conversation starting to turn awry. A seemingly innocent question that the group then engages in and forgets their ill-intended and possibly meaningless aggression and attempt to answer a simple non-meaningful question.
Bill (heated): I'm telling you, Johnny. You can't be pro-abortion, anti-Isreal, pro-union and a feminist at the same time.
Johnny: Bill, so you're saying that I have no rights to the 2nd amendment, be against child labor laws, while being a card-carrying member of the IRA?
Nick (interjecting): So, Who's Gonna Win the Superbowl This Year?
Bill: It's gotta be the Chiefs this year.
Johnny: No way! It's the Bills, man!
Johnny: Bill, so you're saying that I have no rights to the 2nd amendment, be against child labor laws, while being a card-carrying member of the IRA?
Nick (interjecting): So, Who's Gonna Win the Superbowl This Year?
Bill: It's gotta be the Chiefs this year.
Johnny: No way! It's the Bills, man!
So, Who's Gonna Win the Superbowl This Year? by Studs Lonigan III January 4, 2025
Ding
(n) The cousin of the comedic rimshot. To acknowledge the on-the-spot approach when a person gives a witty rebuttal, comment, insult, etc. in front of a group, in the precise moment which results in a desk bell "ding", just the word itself, or a ding emoji in texts. It is one of the last bastions of honest audience approval and the highest praise for an act of true comedic performance, pure circumstance, and timing, deemed funny to the comedy gods.
Jim (aged 30- telling his group 30-year-old friends about his dating life): ...So after our fourth date, me and Suzie saw a movie, I drove her home, and we made out for the first time.
Nick: Yeah, I remember when I was 14, too. Did you at least give her the popcorn trick?
Group: Oh! That's a ding! (bangs on the desk bell) DING!
Nick: Yeah, I remember when I was 14, too. Did you at least give her the popcorn trick?
Group: Oh! That's a ding! (bangs on the desk bell) DING!
Ding by Studs Lonigan III January 4, 2025
Concrete or Gravel?
A term used by bouncers or bartenders when kicking out an unruly customer. Concrete; meaning the front door, the sidewalk; embarrassing and in public but semi-safe. Whereas, Gravel means to be kicked out of the backdoor; where all the bartenders, bouncers, and regulars throw the unruly customer into a not-so-friendly environment, where there are no bystanders or cameras, and they all proceed to beat the shit out of the unruly one(s).
Nick the Bouncer: Hey! Was that you just breaking all those bottles?
Lil' shit kid: Yeah, so what? Fuck off! (spits at Nick the Bouncer)
Nick the Bouncer: Well, that's an easy answer to Concrete or Gravel? Boys, we got a live one! (Nick the Bouncer grabs the Lil' shit kid & throws him out the back door. Slow & steady, four regular Joes walk out the door cracking their knuckles).
Lil' shit kid: Yeah, so what? Fuck off! (spits at Nick the Bouncer)
Nick the Bouncer: Well, that's an easy answer to Concrete or Gravel? Boys, we got a live one! (Nick the Bouncer grabs the Lil' shit kid & throws him out the back door. Slow & steady, four regular Joes walk out the door cracking their knuckles).
Concrete or Gravel? by Studs Lonigan III December 5, 2024
Scratch-Off Winner
A term used when you're fingering a girl, flicking her bean, making everything work fast and hard enough, and then she squirts and convulses. It's like winning a lottery scratch-off ticket—not a big win, but enough to keep playing the game.
Nick: Hey Bill, you get with Dirty Suzie last night?
Bill: Let's just say when I was fingering her, she must have felt like I had a Kennedy Half-Dollar on me as she made me a Scratch-Off Winner. She melted off the couch after two minutes. Smell my fingers (Bill thrusts his fingers onto Nick's nasal area mockingly).
Nick (awkwardly smelling Bill's fingers): Damn....Let me lick that shit!
Bill: Let's just say when I was fingering her, she must have felt like I had a Kennedy Half-Dollar on me as she made me a Scratch-Off Winner. She melted off the couch after two minutes. Smell my fingers (Bill thrusts his fingers onto Nick's nasal area mockingly).
Nick (awkwardly smelling Bill's fingers): Damn....Let me lick that shit!
Scratch-Off Winner by Studs Lonigan III December 5, 2024