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Studs Lonigan III's definitions

Ding

(n) The cousin of the comedic rimshot. To acknowledge the on-the-spot approach when a person gives a witty rebuttal, comment, insult, etc. in front of a group, in the precise moment which results in a desk bell "ding", just the word itself, or a ding emoji in texts. It is one of the last bastions of honest audience approval and the highest praise for an act of true comedic performance, pure circumstance, and timing, deemed funny to the comedy gods.
Jim (aged 30- telling his group 30-year-old friends about his dating life): ...So after our fourth date, me and Suzie saw a movie, I drove her home, and we made out for the first time.

Nick: Yeah, I remember when I was 14, too. Did you at least give her the popcorn trick?

Group: Oh! That's a ding! (bangs on the desk bell) DING!
by Studs Lonigan III January 4, 2025
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Pubservation

Pub-zur-vey-shuhn

an act or instance of noticing or perceiving while conversing at a pub.

an act or instance of regarding attentively or watching certain occurrences that only happen at a pub.
Nick: Is it just me or do you see that nasty looking whore mongering around these skangers to get free drinks?

Johnny: You're right, hell! I just bought that cunt a drink earlier. Nick, me boy, that's a great pubservation.
by Studs Lonigan III October 28, 2023
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Scratch-Off Winner

A term used when you're fingering a girl, flicking her bean, making everything work fast and hard enough, and then she squirts and convulses. It's like winning a lottery scratch-off ticket—not a big win, but enough to keep playing the game.
Nick: Hey Bill, you get with Dirty Suzie last night?
Bill: Let's just say when I was fingering her, she must have felt like I had a Kennedy Half-Dollar on me as she made me a Scratch-Off Winner. She melted off the couch after two minutes. Smell my fingers (Bill thrusts his fingers onto Nick's nasal area mockingly).
Nick (awkwardly smelling Bill's fingers): Damn....Let me lick that shit!
by Studs Lonigan III December 5, 2024
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Pre-Cum Shot

(n): A liquor parlor shot made out of 1/2 vodka, 1/2 RumChata, served in a salted rim shot glass. The etymology of the shot came from a conversation amongst friends when in the hypothetical accident in which one man sticks his dick through a gloryhole and instead of receiving a mouth on the other end, the said penis is actually head-butted by another receiving penis. After a few moments of the two penises rubbing against each other, one (or both) of the man's penis(es) achieve premature ejaculation or pre-cum.

The actual liquor shot combination with the salted rim actually achieves the accumulated taste of a white chocolate pretzel.
Logan (coming back from the men's bathroom): Hey, did you see that hole in the wall in the bathroom? It looks like a gloryhole.

Nick: Yeah, I saw that. Hey, imagine there's two guys each on the opposite sides of that wall and at the same time they stick their dicks through the hole, touching at the same time.

Logan: That's disgusting!

Nick: Even worse, as they accidentally touch dicks, they get a pre-cum.

Logan (gagging to hold back his mouth-puke): We should create a shot of that. Hey, Barry (the bartender). Can we get a 1/2 shot of vodka and a 1/2 shot of RumChata with a salted rim?

Barry (pouring the shots): What do you call these shots?

Nick & Logan: Pre-Cum Shot
by Studs Lonigan III January 21, 2025
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Ring Knocker

A derogatory term for a Black Freemason. A "Ring Knocker" wears their gaudy Freemason ring, which is akin to a High School football championship ring, wears a black suit, white shirt, and black tie, and in unison, they knock their rings on the table to come in agreement with their Freemason beliefs. They are entitled douchebags who are in a half-assed cult and/or society group. Black Freemasons are on the lower rung of factions in the trade unions and other workgroup factions.
Nick: Hey Bill, I saw a group of six black guys at an Irish pub. They were all wearing suits and ties and had big rings. I tried to converse with them, but they were very uppity and talked about how knowledge is key. They kept knocking their rings on the table.
Bill: Oh yeah, we always see those guys in the trades. They're called Ring Knockers. All they do is try to act smart. They're douches.
by Studs Lonigan III September 3, 2023
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Punch Bun

(n) A variation of the childhood game where kids traveling through the country would encounter a Volkswagen Beetle and the first kid to see a punch bug (VW) yells "PUNCH BUG" and punches someone in the arm. Yet, this is when someone witnesses a man wearing a Man Bun in public, whether it be at a coffee house, bar, gender-neutral bathroom, or in the general public, the person punches the other person on the arm and yells "PUNCH BUN".
(Nick sees a guy with a man bun and punches Bill in the arm)

Bill: Agghh! What the fuck, Nick?

Nick: (pointing to the guy with the man bun) Punch Bun, motherfucker!

Bill: Ah, game on. Do you want to get an espresso?

(The guy with the man bun walks by Nick & Bill and sighs)
by Studs Lonigan III November 24, 2024
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Shithead Duty

A statement, reprimand, or admonishment handed down to someone lower in the ranks of a work environment, mainly in the service industry or trades, especially in restaurant or bar service. Saying that they have to do the shitty work for the night. This is specially reserved for when the person is reprimanded and is doomed to serve the non-tipping customers for the night.
Nick: Eric, You showed up 20 minutes late for work. You're on shithead duty for the night. Serve table six their bread.

Eric: (Looks at the table of ten black customers) Damn, I'm not making any tips tonight. I'll never show up late to work again.
by Studs Lonigan III September 13, 2023
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