Stoney69's definitions

Cum-mudgeon

An angry old man who has lost all of his morals and doesn’t give a fuck anymore. He goes around and seeks out random women to blow his loads on.

Big Sleezy: Yo Tyrant, I saw this old dude blowing his loads all over the place last week. Dude must be getting castrated or something soon.

Tyrant: Nah dude, that’s just the local Cum-mudgeon. That dude sprays his loads on any and every woman he sees. Idk how he doesn’t run out of sperm, that dude can go for days.

Big Sleezy: I want to be like him when I grow up...

by Stoney69 March 1, 2019

Shitbit

Similar to a Fitbit around your wrist, this device goes around your waist. Every time you defecate, it will sense that you are about to excrete fecal matter and will start going to work. With its advanced detection system, this device will calculate the amount of snickers dropped in the punch bowl, total squeezes of the sphincter, and will even detect the development of hemorrhoids during the painful process of squeezing out your piping hot logs. At the end of the week, the device will send you a report of how many dumps you have taken each day. It will also recommend lifestyle changes if you are dropping the kids off at the pool too frequently throughout the week. This device is available for a price of $69.99.

Tyrant: Yo dude, my shits have been crazy lately. The tater tots I ate yesterday legit blew through me like a laxative. I bought a Shitbit to help me track how many times I shit per day and the number is astounding. On average, i shit about 4 to 5 times a day.

Big Easy: Bro you might want to see a doctor about that. It seems kinda unhealthy.

Tyrant: Nah dude, doctors are overrated. That’s why I bought a Shitbit. It recommends specific lifestyle changes and even gives you words of encouragement like Siri does sometimes.

Big Easy: Siri and I had sex once.

by Stoney69 March 6, 2019

Dual Moanitors

Having two computer monitors for the purpose of watching porn. This will allow the viewer to listen to the moaning through two high definition speakers, which makes for some great fondling and erotic ejaculations.

Big Easy: Dude, I was plowing my wife last night, and she was moaning like a whale on crack.

Juicy J: Bro, me and my chick were watching some porn on some Dual Moanitors last night. The shit was electric and I swear I blew a load like a whale blows water out it’s blowhole. It really works wonders.

Big Easy: Wow... I have never been so proud of you in my life.

by Stoney69 March 16, 2019

Mongolian Battering Ram

This uneventful situation occurs when the woman’s vagina is too small to accompany the man’s schlong. The male attempts to use his penis as a battering ram to forcefully penetrate the woman’s vagina, mimicking the act of a crazed Mongolian trying to annihilate the Great Wall of China. If and when the man achieves penetration, a successful Mongolian battering ram has been accomplished.

Guy: Dude how was your weekend?

Nick Foles: It was great. I won another Super Bowl and performed a Mongolian Battering Ram on my wife because my dick is just way too big.

Guy: Bro that’s wicked. You’ll have to show me sometime.

by Stoney69 January 5, 2019

Chocolate Rain

A revenge term for when you find out your gf is cheating on you and instead of breaking up with her, you hit her with a chocolate rain. First, you take a bunch of laxatives before sex and make sure you are pounding doggy style. Then, right as you are about to bust your load, you pull out and swiftly hop forward like a kangaroo and cover her head with a concoction of cum and diarrhea. The key is to make sure this all takes place in HER bed and once you are done, you hold up both middle fingers and walk out with a huge smile.

Mike: Dude I had some wicked sex last night, I must’ve busted like 6 times.

Stoney: Bruh, my gf is a total gutter slut and cheated on me with some douchewad. So I acted like I didn’t know and I hit her with the gnarliest chocolate rain. It was glorious.

Mike: Bro.... NICE!!!!

by Stoney69 January 9, 2019

Fruity Pubeles

The man consumes copious amounts of fruit, causing his semen to taste sweet. He proceeds to ejaculate into the woman’s mouth, while she simultaneously sucks on his furry pebbles, receiving a delicious taste of Fruity Pubeles… part of a balanced breakfast.

Barney: Dude my girlfriend has been super hungry lately, it’s kind of making her a total bitch.

Fred: Brotato, just give her a taste of some of your Fruity Pubeles and she’ll be satiated in no time.

by Stoney69 January 12, 2019

Running from the Buhls

This is like the tradition “Running with the bulls”, except it involves a woman or women running from “buhls”. The buhls represent a bunch of horny dudes tryna pound some Krabby patties.

Shaqueefa: I had such a fab weekend. My boyfriend treated me to a nice Mongolian battering ram (See Mongolian Battering Ram) and even gave me a nice Cleveland Steamer. What a gentleman!!

Quontilfa: Ugh I wish I could say the same… I went running from the buhls all weekend. Even got speared a few times by their horns. Have to say it felt pretty good though.

Shaqueefa: Ima come with you next time. We can definitely outrun those buhls ;)

by Stoney69 January 12, 2019