Shitbit

Similar to a Fitbit around your wrist, this device goes around your waist. Every time you defecate, it will sense that you are about to excrete fecal matter and will start going to work. With its advanced detection system, this device will calculate the amount of snickers dropped in the punch bowl, total squeezes of the sphincter, and will even detect the development of hemorrhoids during the painful process of squeezing out your piping hot logs. At the end of the week, the device will send you a report of how many dumps you have taken each day. It will also recommend lifestyle changes if you are dropping the kids off at the pool too frequently throughout the week. This device is available for a price of $69.99.

Tyrant: Yo dude, my shits have been crazy lately. The tater tots I ate yesterday legit blew through me like a laxative. I bought a Shitbit to help me track how many times I shit per day and the number is astounding. On average, i shit about 4 to 5 times a day.

Big Easy: Bro you might want to see a doctor about that. It seems kinda unhealthy.

Tyrant: Nah dude, doctors are overrated. That’s why I bought a Shitbit. It recommends specific lifestyle changes and even gives you words of encouragement like Siri does sometimes.

Big Easy: Siri and I had sex once.

by Stoney69 March 06, 2019

Jitt-Skiing

Step 1: Get a slutty chick, 2 horny bros and a jet ski.

Step 2: Position the hoe in between the 2 dudes and start the engine.

Step 3: The gutter slut proceeds to pump both dudes off as they glide across the moist bay.

Tyrunt: Yo bro tryna go jet skiing this summer?

Big Queasy: Nah that’s for geeks. I only go jitt-skiing with my boy and his tranny girl. It’s a hell of a time and we drink Coronas after.

Tyrunt: You’re my bedtime hero.

by Stoney69 April 02, 2020

Toilet Sodomy

The act of taking a shit on an automatic flushing toilet and the toilet suddenly flushes while you are still in process of pooing. The fecal matter will be forcefully thrusted back into your anal cavity. This is one of the most traumatic experiences, especially if it occurs at work. Many people experience POO-TSD (See POO-TSD) in the coming years.

Mike: Yo dude I took a nasty shit last night. Shit smelled like rotten eggs and dirty grundul.

Stoney: Bro at least you didn’t experience toilet sodomy yesterday. Shit happened to me out of nowhere. Took me like a half hour to clean myself up.

by Stoney69 January 12, 2019

Girthquake

When you pounding a girl so hard with your girthy salami stick, that it causes cracks in her snatch region. In rare cases, the aftercocks can be so powerful, that they cause a rectal prolapse. ER trips are strongly recommended if this occurs, but only skanks and weenie hut JR. members actually go to the ER.

Miguel Cumbrera: Yo hombre, we hitting the casino tonight? I hear they’re doing strip poker.

Stoney Tonio: Yo cabrón, sheeeeeet I can’t tonight. I gave my girl a girthquake. I thought I was just taking her to pound town, turns out I took her to pound country, and busted up her clam bake. Now she has two cracks down there 🤣

MC: Dawg you’re gonna have to teach me that one. We can try it at strip poker next time. There are loads of loose grannies down at the casino waiting to be plunked by our micro Slim James.

SA: Sheeet home sizzle, sounds good to me, I’m getting a half Chubb just thinking about it. I’m listening to Girth Brooks right now to get in the mood.

by Stoney69 July 29, 2022

Puke-Dick & Shit

So one night you’re laying in bed and your stomach starts to hurt. So you go to the bathroom to drop a dook. You start pumpin out some snickers but then you realize you gotta puke. With your b-hole all greased up, you’re hesitant to get off the shitter. Before you can even make any decision, your throat sphincter gives in and releases your intestine goo. Reacting quickly, you aim down at the toilet you are still sitting on... and now you have a puke dick. Nice goin a-hole.

Miguel Cumbrera: Yo amigo. How you handling the quarantino?

Antonio Bonederas: Mi Hermano it’s not going so bueno. Last night I went to drop some snickers in the punch bowl, and I ended up with puke-dick & shit too. At least I can’t go anywhere, so my chicas at the club won’t know.

Miguel Cumbrera: Hombre that’s some gnarly mierda you got there. You and me should get together tomorrow for drinks. How about some Coronas?

by Stoney69 March 24, 2020

Jittcuzzi Tub of Cumception

A man loads his semen into the jacuzzi jets before turning on the tub. The next unassuming woman to take a relaxing bath will be bombarded with the man’s jitt (hense jittcuzzi). The sloor may later becum pregnant from the jacuzzi jets firing the jizz into her cooch, like that of a cannonball shooting out of a cannon.

Disclaimer: Not recommended in Alabama

Caitlin Jenner: Took a nice bubble bath in my neighbor’s hot tub last night. It was hella relaxing.

Pimp: Bitch, hope you wasn’t in a Jittcuzzi Tub of Cumception. Them shits will get you preg af. Worst thing is, if you is in Alabamer, they gon’ make you keep the baby. Unless you wanna go to jail and get pounded by Sandusky type mofos and shit like that.

by Stoney69 May 16, 2019

Boogkake

This steamy act unfolds with a man blowing his boogies all over his hoe’s face. If he wants to get extra kinky, the slore will open her mouth and suck up all the boogies while he shoots them out of his nose, similar to a vacuum cleaner sucking up dust.

Stonyus Maximus (SM): Yo brotein Shake, merry Clitmas. How was your ho-ho-holiday?

Big Beefy Queefy (BBQ): Sup asshole, my Clitmas was good. Popped this chick’s cherry and dropped a chocolate rain on her afterwards. Hbu?

SM: Mine was solid. I hit this skank with a pile of Boogkake. Throttled that shit down her throat faster than Kim John Ewn fires his rockets into the sky.

BBQ: You sir are a bonerfide badass. Invite me next time and we can be Boogskimo Bros.

by Stoney69 December 26, 2021