Rollo & Biff's definitions

Telemarketer

A heartless cretin making minimum wage whose job involves calling prospective clients to sell them goods or services they don't want, can't afford and have no use for. They tend to target the elderly and the very young, as these two are the most vulnerable to their bullshit sales pitches, and usually call to annoy you around dinner time as that is when you are most likely to be around. These miserable parasites are as moral as an Islamic terrorist on PCP and are the social equivalent of a tiny insect feasting on the sweaty brown residue between the anus and testicles.

ME: Hello?
TELEMARKETER: Hello, is this Mr. (my name)?
ME: Yes, how can I help you?
TELEMARKETER: Hi! I represent the Federal Guarantee Life Insurance Company, and I'd like to talk to you about--
ME: Excuse me...there's someone at my door. Could you hold on for a moment?
TELEMARKETER: Sure!
(I go off to watch TV and return five minutes later)
ME: You still there?
TELEMARKETER: Yes.
ME: Fuck you, dickwad. --click--

by Rollo & Biff January 6, 2009

blowhard

1. A very boastful and talkative person; a braggart

2. A self-important egomaniac who likes to toot his own horn, like those assholes who put bumper stickers on their cars that say "PROUD PARENTS OF AN HONOR STUDENT AT (blah blah blah) HIGH SCHOOL"

"Did you catch the State of the Union speech last night? What a fucking blowhard!"

by Rollo & Biff May 30, 2006

Sarah Palin

John McCain's VP pick for his disasterous 2008 presidential run is a vicious, bellicose, spiteful, vindictive, homophobic ultra right-wing crackpot who is opposed to abortion rights and stem-cell research, and is in favor of extreme gun-rights, unrestricted drilling for oil, lowering the drinking age and creationism taught in the public schools. Even for a polititian, her ability to look a TV camera straight in the eye while unloading an avalanche of bullshit is astounding. A pathological liar to the max, she makes Richard Nixon look like a choirboy on sodium pentathol. Watch her keep a straight face while referring to herself as a maverick, or when she says that dinosaurs were around 4,000 years ago. To top it all off, she married a guy who said the core American values are "hunting and fishing."

Sarah Palin would make a lousy Vice President, but she would probably give great head.

by Rollo & Biff December 9, 2008

Sloppy Gonzales

Disgusting but effective bathroom prank. The Sloppy Gonzales is performed by wiping your ass on toilet paper after a particularly messy shit and using it to flush the toilet before disposing of it in the bowl. Also effective on sink faucets as well. A perfect companion piece to the greasy pablo and the upper decker.

As I proceeded to take a wicked shit at the party, some rude guy kept pounding on the door and telling me to "hurry the fuck up," so I left the asshole a Sloppy Gonzales before departing.

by Rollo & Biff January 9, 2008

Yodel in the Gulley

(verb) The act of performing cunnilingus. Also
called, "Yodel in the Valley."

LAURA: Now, go brush your teeth, George, and after you get back I'll let you yodel in the gulley.

GEORGE: Duh, whaz a gulley?

by Rollo & Biff April 20, 2006

Starbucks

A Posh, upscale, trendy, pretentious coffee shop franchaise hell-bent on putting their more sincere competitors (like Dunkin' Donuts) out of business with their "designer" coffee and latte blends that are merely an ultra-sweetened and enriched concoction of Maxwell House, liquid shit and rat semen. They are mostly frequented by snotty, cardigan-wearing yuppie cocksuckers, corporate scumbags in three-piece suits and working class drones who think paying $4.00 for a cup of coffee makes them more successful and important.

FIREMAN: Oh, sir...sir! The World Trade Center has just collapsed and many survivors need help! Do you have any water you can spare?
STARBUCKS VENDOR: Sure. I have some bottled water over here you can have... for 300 bucks a bottle! Heh heh heh!
FIREMAN: You heartless slug... fuck you!

by Rollo & Biff October 30, 2006

$tarbuck$

A Posh, upscale, trendy, pretentious coffee shop franchaise hell-bent on putting their more sincere competitors (like Dunkin' Donuts) out of business with their "designer" coffee, mocha java and latte blends that are merely an ultra-sweetened and enriched concoction of Maxwell House, liquid shit and rat semen. They are mostly frequented by snotty, cardigan-wearing yuppie cocksuckers, corporate scumbags in three-piece suits and mindless working class drones who think paying $4.00 for a cup of coffee makes them successful and important.

FIREMAN: Oh, sir...sir! The World Trade Center has just collapsed and many survivors need help! Do you have any water you can spare?
$TARBUCK$ VENDOR: Sure. I have some bottled water over here you can have... for 300 bucks a bottle! Heh heh heh!
FIREMAN: You heartless slug... fuck you!

by Rollo & Biff October 30, 2006