Rollo & Biff's definitions

Santorum

1: A foul-smelling, frothy mixture of fecal matter and semen that dribbles from a male partner's raw, tumescent anus after sodomy and dribbles down his testicles like so much chocolate syrup and mayonnaise.

2: Biting, pejorative term used to describe a plutocratic, homophobic theocrat; a component of the radical right who embraces tax cuts for the rich, social spending cuts for the poor, anti-gay legislation in every concievable form and adherence to the strictest tenets of the Christian right.

3. Last name of U.S. Senator from Pennsylvania who former Nebraska Senator Bob Kerry likened to the innermost part of the posterior and who President shit-for-brains referred to as "inclusive."

Upon entering the darkened room, I noticed Reverend Falwell's eyes rolling wildly in his head, his gentle whimpers undulating in response to the savage pounding his prostate was undergoing. Then, all at once, he let out a long, melodic sigh and began to gently cry. It was all he could do after taking it in the ass by Rick Santorum.

by Rollo & Biff October 26, 2006

Sarah Palin

John McCain's VP pick for his disasterous 2008 presidential run is a vicious, bellicose, spiteful, vindictive, homophobic ultra right-wing crackpot who is opposed to abortion rights and stem-cell research, and is in favor of extreme gun-rights, unrestricted drilling for oil, lowering the drinking age and creationism taught in the public schools. Even for a polititian, her ability to look a TV camera straight in the eye while unloading an avalanche of bullshit is astounding. A pathological liar to the max, she makes Richard Nixon look like a choirboy on sodium pentathol. Watch her keep a straight face while referring to herself as a maverick, or when she says that dinosaurs were around 4,000 years ago. To top it all off, she married a guy who said the core American values are "hunting and fishing."

Sarah Palin would make a lousy Vice President, but she would probably give great head.

by Rollo & Biff December 9, 2008

Sloppy Gonzales

Disgusting but effective bathroom prank. The Sloppy Gonzales is performed by wiping your ass on toilet paper after a particularly messy shit and using it to flush the toilet before disposing of it in the bowl. Also effective on sink faucets as well. A perfect companion piece to the greasy pablo and the upper decker.

As I proceeded to take a wicked shit at the party, some rude guy kept pounding on the door and telling me to "hurry the fuck up," so I left the asshole a Sloppy Gonzales before departing.

by Rollo & Biff January 9, 2008

Yodel in the Gulley

(verb) The act of performing cunnilingus. Also
called, "Yodel in the Valley."

LAURA: Now, go brush your teeth, George, and after you get back I'll let you yodel in the gulley.

GEORGE: Duh, whaz a gulley?

by Rollo & Biff April 20, 2006

blowhard

1. A very boastful and talkative person; a braggart

2. A self-important egomaniac who likes to toot his own horn, like those assholes who put bumper stickers on their cars that say "PROUD PARENTS OF AN HONOR STUDENT AT (blah blah blah) HIGH SCHOOL"

"Did you catch the State of the Union speech last night? What a fucking blowhard!"

by Rollo & Biff May 30, 2006

Walter the Farting Dog

An immensely popular series of children's books written by William Kotzwinkle and Glenn Murray with illustrations by Audrey Colman. Walter is an ugly but lovable mutt rescued from the dog pound by two warm-hearted children. However, Walter has a problem, he is constantly farting the most ghastly farts one has ever smelled, which almost send him back to the pound until he proves his worth by foiling a couple of house-breakers with his awful gas.

The Walter franchaise has five entries thus far: "Walter the Farting Dog," "Trouble at the Yard Sale," "Rough Weather Ahead For Walter the Farting Dog," "Walter the Farting Dog Goes on a Cruise," and "Walter the Farting Dog Banned From the Beach." All have made it on the New York Times Bestseller List.

Each time a new Walter the Farting Dog book comes out, we gather around at bedtime and I read about Walter's newest exploits it to my excited children, as they make wonderful bedtime stories.

by Rollo & Biff December 25, 2007

Telemarketer

A heartless cretin making minimum wage whose job involves calling prospective clients to sell them goods or services they don't want, can't afford and have no use for. They tend to target the elderly and the very young, as these two are the most vulnerable to their bullshit sales pitches, and usually call to annoy you around dinner time as that is when you are most likely to be around. These miserable parasites are as moral as an Islamic terrorist on PCP and are the social equivalent of a tiny insect feasting on the sweaty brown residue between the anus and testicles.

ME: Hello?
TELEMARKETER: Hello, is this Mr. (my name)?
ME: Yes, how can I help you?
TELEMARKETER: Hi! I represent the Federal Guarantee Life Insurance Company, and I'd like to talk to you about--
ME: Excuse me...there's someone at my door. Could you hold on for a moment?
TELEMARKETER: Sure!
(I go off to watch TV and return five minutes later)
ME: You still there?
TELEMARKETER: Yes.
ME: Fuck you, dickwad. --click--

by Rollo & Biff January 6, 2009