Rob Porter's definitions

chat sex

(n.) Same as phone sex, except that one must keep both hands on the keyboard. This indicates that one must use one's feet to masturbate, or learn to type with their toes. This leaves both hands free to grope yourself and someone else simultaneously. If fortune prevails, you could use the other hand to perform a rusty trombone or rusty trumpet on your favorite live sex partner while having chat sex with a third party.

STEVE42: Are you there, Bruce?
BRUCE69: Yes.
STEVE42: Let's have chat sex, OK?
BRUCE69: All right, man!
STEVE42: Let me find my big giant dildo, OK?
BRUCE69: OK. I'll just give your grandmother a rusty trumpet to pass the time, OK?
STEVE42: Sounds good.
BRUCE69: All right, my man! We're gonna get naked and nasty tonight!

by Rob Porter January 5, 2009

gross ignoramus

(n.) A person who is 144 times worse than a normal ignoramus.

"I move that we fire that smart-assed IT tech. He's a gross ignoramus."

by Rob Porter July 20, 2008

clitoromaniac

(n.) One who is obsessed or particularly infatuated with clitori of all varieties.

Suzie loves to lick clits 24/7. Man, she's a fucking clitoromaniac!

by Rob Porter December 27, 2007

schplotz

1. (v.) To engage in sexual intercourse with a person or object.

2. (v.) To penetrate the deep orifices or cavities of a person or object with a dildo. It is more polite to use this term than the F-word in mixed company.

This must not be misconstrued or misspelled as the verb splotch.

Synonym: fuck

I love to schplotz myself with a broom handle.

John and Mary were arrested for schplotzing on their front lawn.

He schplotzed his inflatable doll all night long.

by Rob Porter March 12, 2009

dumphole

(n.) The anus and rectum of any primate, including homo sapiens.

Say, doctor, do you have any medicine for hemorroids? There's a Turkish freighter about to dock and my dumphole is itching like hell!

by Rob Porter May 15, 2008

scumbag slut

(n.) One that indulges in felching used condoms (scumbags), regardless of what orifice it was used to penetrate. The afflicted individual then consumes the condom to top off the delicious snack.

As she strutted down the sidewalk in her slutty attire, she thought of how great it felt to be the most popular scumbag slut in the red light district of town.

"Say, Doc, there's three rubbers in the vomit of that guy in ER room 5. This patient is a scumbag slut if I ever saw one."

by Rob Porter March 2, 2009

holitis

(n.) inflammation of a body cavity or sphincter, particularly the asshole.

That guy fucked me too hard for too long and now I have holitis.

She had a 9-day-old tampon up her cunthole. The doctor said she had a bad case of holitis.

by Rob Porter December 31, 2007