Definitions by QuacksO
hay
Nickname for any valuable "resource" (money, expensive food/gifts, gasoline to give her rides where she wants to go, hot and/or arduous mechanical/carpentry work, patient endurance of boring/cutesy "girl stuff", etc.) that a naive "dairy farmer" (mushy-hearted guy with raging hormones) "feeds" to his "cow" (an attractive girl whom he hopes to win over) in an effort to please/satisfy her so that hopefully she'll feel enough favorably disposed towards him to "allow him to milk her" (spread her legs for him) sometime later. May or may not be successful, depending on how “loose” the chick in question is, or how much she respects the guy’s feelings or truly appreciates/values his caring efforts to help her out.
Stud #1: Yo! Why the long face, dude? I take it you didn't "get to 4th base" with Tiffany?
Stud #2: Nope! And I fed her a whole BALE of hay, too --- worked my butt off for three hours straight in the scorchin' sun to get her car road-ready again, and burned up three of my brand-new DeWalt cut-off blades in the process --- but then afterwards she claimed to have suddenly "got religion" and wouldn't "give me any milk", even though she'd promised she would if I'd fix her car.
Stud #2: Nope! And I fed her a whole BALE of hay, too --- worked my butt off for three hours straight in the scorchin' sun to get her car road-ready again, and burned up three of my brand-new DeWalt cut-off blades in the process --- but then afterwards she claimed to have suddenly "got religion" and wouldn't "give me any milk", even though she'd promised she would if I'd fix her car.
strict-9
Uncomplimentary term that is muttered by resentful residents/visitors of nursing homes where they feel that the establishment’s “rules ‘n’ regulations” are so overzealously enforced/adhered to, unnecessarily dictatorial, etc., that it makes everyone feel as if they are actually being poisoned by the rules. The expression derives from the “top nine” most notorious rules that --- due to the rules’ restricting/forbidding “totally harmless” actions that really would not bother anything if all parties involved practice moderation and maintain appropriate/responsible behavior --- cause needless difficulties and stifled feelings among the residents and their friends/family members who come to see them.
The “strict-9” at many of the snooty “big-city” nursing homes:
(1) No visitors before 9 A.M. or after 10 P.M.
(2) No visitor is permitted to stay overnight with a resident, even if said visitor is a quiet responsible adult family member or trusted friend with a 100% clean criminal record.
(3) No visitors may use the facility’s parking lots to sleep in their cars overnight, even if it’s just for one night, if said visitors are totally quiet and responsible, and if the parking lot is otherwise empty/unused all night.
(4) No visitors are permitted to take showers, brush teeth, or otherwise make use of a resident’s washroom except to merely “answer a call of nature”, even if the resident does not mind, and if the visitor would be neat and expedient about using said washroom.
(5) No resident may leave the facility grounds unless accompanied by a staffperson, even if said resident is in the company of an immediate family member or trusted friend.
(6) No resident may be left unattended outside of the facility building, even if it’s just for a moment to allow a visitor to go use the restroom or retrieve something from his car.
(7) No resident is permitted pets of any kind, even “quiet” and “tidy” creatures such as tropical fish or small birds.
(8) All residents must have their meals in the cafeteria; eating meals in rooms is forbidden.
(9) Sharing/exchanging food with your “cafeteria neighbors” is prohibited, even if said food would otherwise just be thrown away and wasted.
(1) No visitors before 9 A.M. or after 10 P.M.
(2) No visitor is permitted to stay overnight with a resident, even if said visitor is a quiet responsible adult family member or trusted friend with a 100% clean criminal record.
(3) No visitors may use the facility’s parking lots to sleep in their cars overnight, even if it’s just for one night, if said visitors are totally quiet and responsible, and if the parking lot is otherwise empty/unused all night.
(4) No visitors are permitted to take showers, brush teeth, or otherwise make use of a resident’s washroom except to merely “answer a call of nature”, even if the resident does not mind, and if the visitor would be neat and expedient about using said washroom.
(5) No resident may leave the facility grounds unless accompanied by a staffperson, even if said resident is in the company of an immediate family member or trusted friend.
(6) No resident may be left unattended outside of the facility building, even if it’s just for a moment to allow a visitor to go use the restroom or retrieve something from his car.
(7) No resident is permitted pets of any kind, even “quiet” and “tidy” creatures such as tropical fish or small birds.
(8) All residents must have their meals in the cafeteria; eating meals in rooms is forbidden.
(9) Sharing/exchanging food with your “cafeteria neighbors” is prohibited, even if said food would otherwise just be thrown away and wasted.
elevator music
She: Hey, whoa --- what's with the huge hard-on? All I said was that it's too hot today for me to put on underwear!
He: Heck, Gorgeous --- that's elevator music enough to my ears!
He: Heck, Gorgeous --- that's elevator music enough to my ears!
elevator music by QuacksO August 27, 2013
introductory offer
(1) Refers to how a "perpetually horny" guy thinks whenever a fellow bachelor verbally acquaints him with an attractive lady; the sex-hungry stud interprets this casual INTRODUCTION as an OFFER to him to take the gal to bed.
(2) How a girl's spread-eagled legs are interpreted by her significant other or by anyone else of "opportunistic mindset" who happens to be within sight of her --- the unaware gal may have simply been stretching sleepily, getting comfortable while squatting/sitting flat, or otherwise merely performing a casual and "innocent" action, with no intention of trying to "solicit" herself, but any horny guy in the vicinity will automatically view the girl's crotch-baring action as an OFFER for him to INTRODUCE that portion of HIS "equipment" that resides between his OWN legs.
(2) How a girl's spread-eagled legs are interpreted by her significant other or by anyone else of "opportunistic mindset" who happens to be within sight of her --- the unaware gal may have simply been stretching sleepily, getting comfortable while squatting/sitting flat, or otherwise merely performing a casual and "innocent" action, with no intention of trying to "solicit" herself, but any horny guy in the vicinity will automatically view the girl's crotch-baring action as an OFFER for him to INTRODUCE that portion of HIS "equipment" that resides between his OWN legs.
Clueless dude: I never know which “signal” my girlfriend is sending when I happen to see her lying back with her legs spread --- I can't tell if she's making me an introductory offer, or if she is merely “airing herself out” during hot weather or after a shower.
introductory offer by QuacksO August 20, 2013
explosives enthusiast
Highly entertaining but “living extremely dangerously” person who loves to blow things up --- without proper preparation or training --- just to hear the huge thunderous booms. Usually has lots of buddies --- other equally careless/macho guys who pal around with him and assist him with his gloriously noisy tasks.
from "The Red Green Show" Patrick McKenna as Harold Green: Okay, it’s time to play the Possum Lodge Word Game, and playing for tonight’s grand prize is local demolitions expert, Mr. Edgar K. B. Montrose! K.B. stands for “Ka Boom”
Graham Greene as Edgar K. B. Montrose: Oh, I wouldn’t say I’m an explosives EXPERT, Harold --- I prefer to think of myself as just an explosives ENTHUSIAST!
Steve Smith as Red Green (in a tone of slightly wary sarcasm): Ya got a LICENSE to use high explosives, do ya, Edgar?
Graham Greene as Edgar K. B. Montrose (looking innocently puzzled): How do you mean?
Graham Greene as Edgar K. B. Montrose: Oh, I wouldn’t say I’m an explosives EXPERT, Harold --- I prefer to think of myself as just an explosives ENTHUSIAST!
Steve Smith as Red Green (in a tone of slightly wary sarcasm): Ya got a LICENSE to use high explosives, do ya, Edgar?
Graham Greene as Edgar K. B. Montrose (looking innocently puzzled): How do you mean?
explosives enthusiast by QuacksO August 19, 2013
hellp
"Assistance from Hell", where the would-be "Good Samaritan" ends up just causing massive damage and/or making the situation worse with his well-meaning but ineffective/bumbling/destructive attempts to assist or rescue someone.
A classic example of Archie Andrews' demonstrating his high-strung kind-heartedness which usually ends up being nothing but "hellp": ignoring his elderly school-principal's vigorous declining protests, Archie repeatedly attempts to assist Mr. Weatherbee to get his yellow Volkswagen Beetle started, but ends up just completely wrecking the car and frightening Mrs. Weatherbee into a total frenzy.
yalk
Pronounced "yock", it combines the words YACK and TALK, and refers to the act of just babbling endlessly without much meaningful/legitimate content.
Radio listener, irritably switching off a live interview of a politician bragging about all the supposed "progress" he's made in his still-squalid jurisdiction: Okay --- enough of that BS... got better things to do than listen to HIS yalk for the next two hours!