Definitions by QuacksO
reverse psychology
Where an arrogant/disgruntled/overly-confident client "turns the tables" and attempts to counsel the psychologist.
Dr. Phil: Let's talk about your childhood.
Madea (cheerfully): Let's talk about YOUR childhood.
Dr. Phil. Talkin' about MY childhood isn't gonna help YOU out. Okay, let's try a different route. Do you sleep well at night?
Madea (with an impish breezy smile): Do YOU sleep well at night?
Dr. Phil (passing his hand over his face in a "I can't handle this --- NOBODY could talk any sense into this woman" gesture): Look --- I ain't gonna be able to help ya if you're gonna practice reverse psychology here!
Madea (cheerfully): Let's talk about YOUR childhood.
Dr. Phil. Talkin' about MY childhood isn't gonna help YOU out. Okay, let's try a different route. Do you sleep well at night?
Madea (with an impish breezy smile): Do YOU sleep well at night?
Dr. Phil (passing his hand over his face in a "I can't handle this --- NOBODY could talk any sense into this woman" gesture): Look --- I ain't gonna be able to help ya if you're gonna practice reverse psychology here!
reverse psychology by QuacksO December 25, 2016
verbal compensation
The greatest bunch of hokey ever conceived as a supposedly acceptable/adequate alternative to monetary payment or actual physical labor to recompense someone for goods/services that he's provided. Even if it was agreed beforehand that the person's assistance would be performed at no cost, too many moochers take advantage of this practice by knowingly/grossly underestimating the amount of time/effort/resources that would actually be required to perform the task, and so the prospective provider is deceived into thinking that the requested task is far less arduous/involved than is turns out to be; he would likely never have agreed to provide his services for free if he'd known the true size/scope of the requested task.
Disgruntled teenager: That skinflint connivin' ol' fart Mr. Jones snookered my buddies and me into "just loading a discarded pile of lightweight foam insulation into the dumpster" for him… not only did he neglect to mention that said insulation was GLUED ONTO PANELS OF SHEETROCK which made them about ten times as heavy, but then afterwards he just gave us VERBAL compensation ---"Great job, fellas... appreciate it! Thanks! I'm really grateful for your volunteering to help out an old weak-muscled geezer like me!" --- instead of slipping us each a ten-spot, the way any decent person would do!
verbal compensation by QuacksO December 21, 2016
pump-handle
The ultimate enthusiastic greeting between best buddies or a guy to a girl he feels super-glad to see; it's where ya grab yer friend's hands and shake his arms vigorously up and down while making joyful enthusiastic "musical grunting" noises in time to the motions.
Huge-statured marshmallow-hearted guy, joyfully playing pump-handle with a cute fluffy little thing whom he hasn't seen for ages: URuh-URuh-URuh-URuh-URuh-URuh-URuh-URuh...!
Cutie: Hey --- don't wear out my arms, Mr. "URuh-URuh-URuh-URuh"!!
Cutie: Hey --- don't wear out my arms, Mr. "URuh-URuh-URuh-URuh"!!
pump-handle by QuacksO December 19, 2016
COPD
Refers to a severe shortness-of-breath lung-disorder that causes the sufferer to uncontrollably writhe his body and spasmodically flail his limbs in such shocking and alarming motions that he often gets investigated by the police to see if he's drunk, high on drugs, an escapee from a mental ward, etc.
COPD patient: I'm gonna get myself a medical bracelet at the hospital so that I can just show that to any officer who stops me on the street while I'm in the middle of an oxygen-starved panic-attack.
wiggleitis
The inability to sit still for more than thirty seconds. Most commonly afflicts youngsters, but people of any age can be significantly affected by it. Often is diagnosed incorrectly/unfairly by insensitive and/or "tedious" people who possess either an uncommonly-high level of patience/indifference for whatever monotonous condition/activity is making said sufferer(s) have ants in their pants, or the colorless/heartless mindset/ability to create/maintain such an elevated level of palpable tedium themselves. It may also be a lack of memory of the torturer's OWN childhood which causes him to mindlessly subject the sufferer to such intolerably boring circumstances, since it may not occur to him that HE HIMSELF would likely not have been able to withstand such agonies when he was the sufferer's age, either.
Amused gramma, observing a whimpery squirming child in a church pew: You have an advanced case of wiggleitis.
Child: Yeah?! Well, didn't YOU ever have trouble sitting still during church services when YOU were a child?
Amused gramma, shrugging casually and naively: No, not really, sweetie --- at your age, I was a choir girl, and we all hadda rehearse for hours every week. But I loved it, 'cuz I always felt so close to The Lord, and I---
Child, bursting into noisy floods of tears and jumping up to storm out the door: Oh, that DOES it --- I'm OUTTA here! I'm going swimming --- it's too hot and stuffy in here to sit and listen to this nonsense!
Amused gramma, serenely watching the child stomp out of the church and slam the door behind him, then turning back and exchanging amused helpless shrugs with other old-fogy parishioners before placidly settling back in her hard wooden pew-seat and composedly resuming listening to the preacher's seemingly-endless droning.
Child: Yeah?! Well, didn't YOU ever have trouble sitting still during church services when YOU were a child?
Amused gramma, shrugging casually and naively: No, not really, sweetie --- at your age, I was a choir girl, and we all hadda rehearse for hours every week. But I loved it, 'cuz I always felt so close to The Lord, and I---
Child, bursting into noisy floods of tears and jumping up to storm out the door: Oh, that DOES it --- I'm OUTTA here! I'm going swimming --- it's too hot and stuffy in here to sit and listen to this nonsense!
Amused gramma, serenely watching the child stomp out of the church and slam the door behind him, then turning back and exchanging amused helpless shrugs with other old-fogy parishioners before placidly settling back in her hard wooden pew-seat and composedly resuming listening to the preacher's seemingly-endless droning.
wiggleitis by QuacksO December 18, 2016
hysteriactomy
An operation that a woman has "down there" to remove the "what if I get pregnant?" hysteria that she normally feels whenever she has unprotected sex.
Hot chick: I love "doing it" with all of the "well-hung" guys I know, so I had a hysteriactomy to avoid any unexpected pitter-patter of little feet.
hysteriactomy by QuacksO December 17, 2016
andeffective
A mealy-mouthed "feature" of some hyped product, spoken after cheerful and virtuous-sounding words like "safe" or cheap", and intended to not actually lie but sometimes to trick someone into thinking you mean one thing when you may actually mean something entirely the opposite.
When a radio or TV advertiser says that some medicine or other edible substance is "tasty andeffective", I never know if he is indeed saying, "and effective", or if he's really saying, "and DEfective"!
andeffective by QuacksO December 8, 2016