Definitions by QuacksO

Vinylhaven 

A small Coastal-Maine town where phonograph records are made.

After successfully stocking up on crisp new yellow hexagonal No. 2's in Pencilvania, I headed on up the coast to Vinylhaven to pick up some oldies on LP. Town Manager Susan Lessard was certainly very pleasant and welcoming when I eagerly breezed into her office at the town hall, but then when I asked for directions to the nearest records-stamping plant, she just gave me a puzzled look like she didn't even have a clue what I was talking about ("Well, sorry to disappoint you, Sir, but all of our new-product vendors switched to CDs years ago"), then smilingly suggested that I check out their local thrift shops for a broad selection of nice pre-owned albums.

Vinylhaven by QuacksO November 22, 2018

Fundementalist 

A religious fanatic who takes his beliefs to such an extreme that he makes himself --- and unfortunately, often those around him, as well --- literally insane... whether they're so-called "believers" or not, everyone connected with said radical becomes totally "demented".

What with all of his despicable Fundementalist beliefs, teachings, and actions, it's no wonder that Warren Jeffs created such a depraved cesspool of humanity and eventually ended up in so much hot water!

Fundementalist by QuacksO November 22, 2018

fifth base

The absolute ultimate feminine honor --- a sign of trust and permissiveness that's actually even greater than her allowing you access "down there" --- namely, a chick's giving you a copy of the key to her house or apartment, so that you can just gleefully waltz right on in and "get it on hot 'n' heavy" with her anytime you desire.

Fifth base is actually kind of a "mixed blessings" spot to reach on da ol' playin'-field... yes, it is indeed a wonderful thing if a nice lady entrusts you with the "magical strip of brass", but like all situations like this, "with great power comes great responsibility"... you'll want to "guard that key with your life" --- securely tether it to a sturdy key-ring and/or chain, keep it hidden or locked up when you're at home, and never let it out of your sight when you're traveling... there are far too many less-than-honorable individuals out there who might wanna access said key for equally-less-than-honorable purposes!

fifth base by QuacksO November 21, 2018

"ultimate" fingers-crossing

Refers to where you also manually cross your ring-finger over-top of "Big Boy", and then cross "Little Boy" over-top of your ring-finger; the theory is that perhaps this will give you a better chance of not getting your a** blown off than you'd have from crossing just your first two fingers. Extra points if you cross all four fingers of both your hands in this way, and/or if you also scuttle around and similarly-arrange da hand-appendages of any and all bystanders (provided their fingers are slender and limber enough to fairly-comfortably do so, of course) prior to saying, "Well --- here goes nuttin'"... with THAT voluminous number of "overlapped digits", it would conceivably put pressure on Fate to allow your endeavor to succeed, similar to how a prayer-chain supposedly does with God.

My elderly neighbor had given me a ride downtown to fill my water-jogs at the local public faucet, and he was concerned that his car's severely-worn starter wasn't going to "mesh in" correctly when he turned the key. So I jokingly showed him the "ultimate" fingers-crossing when he was ready to try starting his car; he looked at my seemingly-impossibly-"pretzeled" fingers and said a bit sadly, "Zheeesh --- I could NEVER do that with my poor old craggy arthritic fingers!", and then tentatively "twisted da brass" and beamed appreciatively when the car's engine whirled right over! "I guess crossing your fingers like that DID work," my friend chuckled.

"ultimate" fingers-crossing by QuacksO November 21, 2018

buystander 

Someone who approaches you from a crowd of onlookers and offers to purchase one or more of the items that you're displaying for them. This can be a very awkward experience, of course, especially if you'd never actually had any intention of selling whatever it is the person is interested in, but had merely been showing said possessions to the gathered huddle as a way of promoting a local business/service, getting a little "bragging limelight", etc.

Whenever I set up in the town square to show my musical instruments and tool-collection to the locals, I do indeed always make sure to mention right off that nothing I'm displaying there is for sale --- I'm merely trying to show everyone how well I can play music so they'll hire me to perform live entertainment for them, and how good I am at building and repairing things so that they'll know who to call for help with home-improvement projects, but it never seems to be totally effective... like as not, there's at least one pushy buystander in the ranks who tries to pressure me into parting with some of my equipment!

buystander by QuacksO November 21, 2018

chemical whorefare 

Perfume, aftershave, pheromone-colognes., etc, dat "loose" humans use to hopefully "fight a better battle" in their quest for succulent sweetmeat. And yes, sometimes this practice can indeed allow you to "score" more readily, but da problem is dat you may then rely too heavily on da essential oils to maintain a gal's interest, without expending enough time/effort to actually charm her personally, i.e., to demonstrate to her how truly likeable you are on da inside. And so as a result, even though you may indeed initially "win da battle" by enticing a cutie-chick into your bed with da wonderful sensual aromas dat you'd slathered on yourself, you may still stand a good chance of "losing da war" --- after da gal's heady essential-oils high wears off, she may just slump glumly on da edge of your bed for a while to think things over, and then --- still unaware of your good/redeeming qualities because you have simply not yet given her a proper chance to truly get to know you --- just quietly slip out your door again.

In the classic “taking advantage of the priest’s ‘privileged’ knowledge about his congregation” joke, Little Tommy Shaughnessy --- in an effort to improve his currently-bleak prospects of getting laid, but not wishing to resort to chemical whorefare --- made a phony “sin of the flesh” admission at confessional, thereby tricking Father John into unwittingly revealing to Tommy the names of the “loosest” local hussies and thus letting him know which girls he’d have the best chances with.

chemical whorefare by QuacksO November 21, 2018

nightstallion 

Can refer to two totally-different bed-related things:
(1) A good, happy, peaceful dream
(2) An exceptionally virile and energetic dude who literally wants to "do it till dawn".

I never understood why bad dreams were called nightMARES and good dreams are nightSTALLIONS... in the stock-breeding world, we all know that mares are much easier to saddle-break than stallions, so why give "da ladies" such a bad rap??

nightstallion by QuacksO November 21, 2018