Definitions by QuacksO
epiclectic mix
An assortment so diverse and radically-eccentric that one actually risks a seizure from trying to take it all in.
From what I've heard, Woodstock was an epiclectic mix of counterculture and entertainment such as had never been seen before nor has ever been seen since... zheeesh, I wish I could have been there to experience it for myself!
epiclectic mix by QuacksO November 25, 2018
single-letter difference between God and the IRS
Said letter is "R" --- God tells us to "PRAY with faith and without ceasing", whereas the IRS tells us to "PAY with faith and without ceasing". Otherwise, both "mighty entities" are essentially the same... they act like they've got your best interests at heart, but in reality they just mercilessly "milk you for all you're worth" and then turn their backs on you when you've been drained dry... no further explanation necessary.
Come to think of it, the single-letter difference between God and the IRS isn't the only direct correlation between the two "superpowers" --- because the IRS tells us to PAY so much, it causes poorer folks to PRAY to God a lot more due to their worries over becoming even more destitute from shelling out for their income taxes!
single-letter difference between God and the IRS by QuacksO November 25, 2018
Joules Verne
An immensely "electrifying" author who really "lit up" his pages, and always gave his readers a real "jolt".
At a young age, Doc Brown decided to devote his life to science after the writings of Joules Verne "really went though him like a bolt of lightning".
Joules Verne by QuacksO November 24, 2018
epileprosy
Derogatory term for a completely-phony “song ‘n’ dance” routine that's merely intended to manipulate, distract, and/or gain undeserved sympathy/allowance/assistance from others. The ploy involves turning ghastly-pale (white grease-paint can be helpful here) and wildly thrashing your limbs and loudly gasping/grunting as if you’re having a seizure, so that observers will conclude that you have multiple serious illnesses and therefore need emergency assistance, are so totally “out of it” that you should not be held responsible for your actions, etc.
There are many types of situations where resorting to epileprosy may be called for, such as when you wish to change the subject, you're in imminent danger of "getting caught with your hand in the cookie jar" (and so you wish to appear to merely be aimlessly wandering about instead of intentionally occupying an "off-limits" location), you wish to avoid strenuous labor or a disagreeable health/medical procedure, etc.
epileprosy by QuacksO November 23, 2018
epileptic seizure
Refers to a insanely-demented "wild-overreaction" exercise by government/police officials who crazily stampede though a certain area and wrongfully/needlessly confiscate items from the general public.
Ever since the IRS was founded "way back when", U.S. citizens have felt like Uncle Sam launches an epileptic seizure each April.
epileptic seizure by QuacksO November 23, 2018
Murphy's Law of Spares
"If you buy just one of something, you will surely break it almost immediately, but if you buy one or more "spare" items to have "just in case", your "initial" item will miraculously escape damage no matter how many mishaps you endure, and thus those duplicate items will merely gather dust in the garage or at the back of your desk-drawer."
I have always tried to handle objects gently and carefully, but due to extreme forgetfulness and physical/mental/emotional infirmities, I tend to "be rough on my stuff" --- sitting/stepping on unobserved items, blundering into objects as I'm groggily stumbling to the bathroom in the middle of the night, soiling items or spilling/dropping stuff, etc., and so I occasionally attempt to "prepare for the future" by acquiring spares of the types of items which I typically seem to damage or break; only prob is that just as soon as I do "lay in for a rainy day" like that, the "currently-being-used" object that I had been procuring said spares for NEVER SEEMS TO ACTUALLY SUSTAIN SIGNIFICANT DAMAGE, and so all of those extras that I'd carefully tucked away just "sit there for decades"... talk about a classic case of "Murphy's Law of Spares"!
Murphy's Law of Spares by QuacksO November 23, 2018
If it ain't Baroque, don't fix it
What the manager of an antiques-restoration shop specializing in post-Renaissance-era pieces tells a trainee while surveying a recently-delivered assortment of vintage art and furniture.
To ensure that we don't become overwhelmed with antiques that need TLC, I always tell my repairmen to just stick to pieces dating from the early 1600's through the mid-1700's --- "If it ain't Baroque, don't fix it, boys --- we'll send all the items from other periods elsewhere for refurbishing."
If it ain't Baroque, don't fix it by QuacksO November 23, 2018