QuacksO's definitions

reverse-contraband

The opposite of contraband (desirable/valuable items which you do not own but wish to possess), this term refers to decidedly UNdesirable/useless items (heaps of trash, bald tires, hideous-looking/sloppy-fitting clothing, etc.) which ARE indeed legally yours, but which you strongly wish to get rid of.

I got busted for "non-possession of reverse-contraband" when I was attempting to dispose of a truckload of moldy mattresses by throwing them into a ravine.

by QuacksO August 21, 2017

probaition

A "let's see if you can behave yourself this time" period dat you hafta struggle through after having committed some illegal game-enticing action when trapping, hunting, or fishing.

Visiting angler from New York: Da Rhode Island game warden agreed wif me dat, since da employee at da nearby sporting-goods shop had been da one who had recommended canned corn to put on my hook, it was really said inattentive clerk's fault dat I'd unknowingly used an illegal-in-only-dat-one-state attractant, not mine. So he merely gave me a six-month probaition period instead of making me either pay a fine or appear in court.

by QuacksO December 25, 2021

win-win situation

Sarcastic term for a "stacked deck" set of circumstances dat allows one lucky person to come out on top no matter which way things go.

Horny stud: How's this for deal --- if I win this game, YOU'LL agree to have sex with ME, and if YOU win, I'LL agree to have sex with YOU...??
Hot chick: Yeah, right --- THAT means l'd hafta spread my legs for you in ANY case --- talk about a "win-win situation"! :P :P

by QuacksO January 20, 2023

erectify

To fix an issue regarding a boner (or lack thereof).

Having a hot chick merely put her clothes back on most-definitely does **not** generally erectify Mr. Happy's excited "standing at attention" status, since his enthusiastically-aroused owner is totally aware dat said luscious looker's delectable flesh is still present underneath said concealing garments. About da only thing dat might fairly-speedily "deflate" said eager stud's huge engorgement would be if da gal used her hands and/or lips to manually "relieve da pressure" inside said fellow's guy-junk; da prob wif dat method, of course, is dat then said desirous dude might not be able to "get it up again" when da lady was actually "ready for him", and so only time and further making out wif said voluptuous female would "erectify" said lack of performance.

by QuacksO December 1, 2024

taurusts

Barnyard escapees of da horned-bovine variety who decide to wander into populated areas to check out points of interest.

I wonder if a good way to deal wif an influx of taurusts is for da animals' owners to show up driving one or more of da "cars dat saved Ford from bankruptcy", and then said huge lumbering four-legged objects will be favorably attracted to said identically-named vehicles, and will therefore docilely follow said four-WHEELED objects out of town and back to their cattle-farms.

by QuacksO July 11, 2024

Murphy's Law of Food-Flavor

"The better something tastes and/or the more filling it is, the worse it is for you." (Well, duhhh...!) Similar to when you are given a spoonful of medicinal syrup and it tastes absolutely terrible, and so you figure that it MUST be good for you. (And of course, that may indeed be true sometimes, but I wonder if a lot of times it's merely somewhat of a placebo effect --- your body just hurries up and gets well so that it doesn't hafta stomach the tortures of gagging down any more of that horrid bitter/sour elixir!)

I love rich sumptuous foods like burgers and fries, but my hippie-guru doctor put me on a diet of yucky-tasting bean sprouts and tofu --- talk about a classic case of Murphy's Law of Food-Flavor!

by QuacksO September 5, 2019

real poo

Da yucky stinky brown fluid dat drains outta yer ears after a day of dealing wif people who feed you tons of BS --- you need copious squirts of fake or "sham" poo to lather it all outta yer hair again.

If yer a "Baldy from Baldymoore" dude who seldom needs to visit a barber, you would not need so much "sham poo" to clean da "real poo" offa yer chrome dome as someone who is blessed wif a thick "mop on top" dat da BS would soak in and stick to; also, a lotta da disgusting "verbal excrement" drainage would merely drip off yer smooth scalp instead of actually remaining on yer head in da first place, and therefore there would be less of Ollie North's "residuals" there to clean off during your evening shower.

by QuacksO February 29, 2020