Definitions by QuacksO
hallooseination
A mirage created by the male brain that perceives certain women as being more willing to drop their drawers than they actually are.
If you look at the diagram of a dude's brain (huh?! Men actually HAVE brains??!?!??) as opposed to a chick's, you can see how many hallooseinations they have regarding the fairer gender... while a woman has major sectors of her brain for "delicate nuances" activities like listening, empathy for others, understanding, sensitivity, apparel-fashion, home-decor, etc., a guy's brain has just minutely-tiny "pea-brain" areas for these "minor and fastidious" thought-processes, but contains several huge sections marked "SEX", "HAVE SEX", "BOOBS-OBSERVER", CROTCH-SCANNER", etc.
hallooseination by QuacksO August 26, 2019
de-hyperventilate
Refers to what you do immediately following a super-stressful/worrisome period/event (like an emergency repair or tense/uncertain appointment with someone) which you have wheezingly struggled thtough without mishap (thankfully!); you are thus obliged to "deflate and regroup" in exhausted relief afterwards.
I was shaking in my shoes all during my 20-mile drive home due to some malfunctioning of my car's engine, but luckily I did make it back without incident, and then after I'd sat there in my driveway and de-hyperventilated for a few, I checked under da hood to ferret out da issues, and was immensely relieved to see dat it was all fairly-minor stuff dat I could fix myself.
de-hyperventilate by QuacksO August 26, 2019
local ordnance
A bu**s**t crazy-a** rule dat a municipality thoughtlessly imposes on its citizens and anyone else who visits said locale, and fanatically enforces said directives with heavy weaponry.
Two comically-absurd examples of a local ordnance are the obviously-copycats-of-each-other animated shorts "Pink Panzer" and "Suppressed Duck" --- in both films, absurdly-large/heavy firepower is employed merely to maintain/enforce a boundary-line.
local ordnance by QuacksO August 26, 2019
axecess
What da Tin Woodman gained by chopping in da door of da room where da Wicked Witch of Da West had imprisoned Dorothy.
Murphy's Law of Staff-Availability
"If you have to request assistance/advice from a store/office-employee, you will be obliged to wander all over da place and "search till Doomsday" to find someone who is not presently too occupied to listen to you. Yet once you finally receive your answer, THEN there will be ABSOLUTE MULTITUDES OF PERSONNEL just lounging around and making themselves available, and so you will feel like a total JACKA** for not having simply waited a few more minutes to ask your question, rather than wearing out your feet and legs from running all over da shop to find someone to ask!"
I spent over five minutes scampering up and down the aisles at Wally-World trying to find a "free" employee to ask about the availability of a certain product, but then afterwards, there were several non-busy staffpeople whom I met en-route back to my shopping-cart whom I could have asked just as easily at that point --- talk about a classic case of Murphy's Law of Staff-Availability! :P :P
Murphy's Law of Staff-Availability by QuacksO August 26, 2019
infilchrate
Where --- rather than an undercover agent's getting a crime-organization to accept him into their group so that he can collect evidence to bust them --- a BAD guy surreptitiously sneaks his way into a GOOD organization in order to pilfer items and/or sensitive information from them merely to use for his own benefit.
Doc Brown kind of "played both sides of the fence" when he managed to infilchrate the Libyan terrorist group --- yes, he was indeed a "good guy" who was getting a bunch of evil men to trust him, although admittedly he was indeed there to dishonestly rob them of their bomb-making material. However, he was not stealing the plutonium to use for financial gain or a nefarious purpose, and thus he was not exactly being a "bad guy", either --- he was merely wanting to do something beneficial and progressive for mankind (i.e., invent a time machine), plus of course his relieving the hotheaded Arab crooks of their dangerous radioactive loot prevented them from using said fuel to make a bomb to hurt people, so that was a good thing, as well.
infilchrate by QuacksO August 26, 2019
Smith Corona
Da brand of "dinosaur" mechanical typewriter dat made you so frustrated dat you'd likely need to drink fresh-lime-imbued pale-ale from a clear-glass bottle in order to tolerate da ordeal of using said clackety-clack unit to create documents.
In my younger days, I hadda use a clunky Smith Corona if I didn't wanna laboriously write everything out by hand. I'm a absolutely lousy typist even today, and therefore I totally wear out da "backspace" key on my computer-keyboard; dunno how I didn't take up drinking as a younger dude from all of dat stress of trying to hit da right keys every time.
Smith Corona by QuacksO August 26, 2019