Pete Dick's definitions

sexual credit report

when a new love interest begins to inquire about one's sexual history, like a credit report, any sexual acts occurring more than seven years ago do not count.

Cook: "I'm glad your back with Venus."
Pete DicK: "Well, she ran my sexual credit report."
Cook: "oh, shit, you're done man."
Pete DicK" "no way, I haven't banged a girl in the ass for ten years, I'm clean"
Cook: "thank God, for the sexual credit report, at least its off your file"
Pete DicK: "YES, now I can fuck her in the ass virgin style."

by Pete Dick September 14, 2009

super punter

the colloquial term for very successful gamblers.

Pete: "You got any action on the big game?"
Cooker: "No, my wife would kill me if she knew I was gambling."
Pete: "Well I put down ten large."
Cooker: "Shit, you have some balls, but you have always been a super punter."

by Pete Dick February 10, 2008

Cost Per Lay

Also known as "CPL," the Cost Per Lay is the amount of money a man spends to get laid.

Cook: "Hey, are you still dating that high maintenace bitch?"
Pete: "Yeah, she is killing me."
Cook: "Why, she's pretty hot?"
Pete: "Yeah she is but I have to take her out on expensive dates or she won't give me any."
Cook: "What's your Cost Per Lay?"
Pete: "Fuck, I dunno, at least a hundred bucks."
Cook (laughing): "Dude, your so fucked, dump that bitch!"
Pete: "Not before I tape myself nailing her."
Cook: "That'll be some expensive porn my good man..."

by Pete Dick February 10, 2008

HIVey

how one feels the day after having drunk, unprotected sex. The anxiety of not knowing if you contracted an STD along with the withdrawl symptoms of a hangover combine to form this unsettling feeling.

TP: "Dude, did you bang that girl from the bar last night?"
Pete: "aaahhh, yeah, kinda"
TP: "Dude, you totally didn't wear a rubber did you?"
Pete: "aaahhh, yeah, kinda not"
TP: "Dude, are you feeling HIVey?"
Pete: "aaahhh, yeah, kinda"
TP: "Idiot"
Pete: "aaahhh, yeah, kinda"

by Pete Dick February 10, 2008

To Be Fucked List

a list of women/men that one maintains who them desire to have sex with at some point in the future, but for some reason are presently unable to at this point. also known by an acronym of TBFL.

Pete: "You see that bartender?"
Cook: "Yeah, you fuck her?"
Pete: "No, she's loyal to her god damn boyfriend."
Cook: "What, that sucks."
Pete: "Dude, don't worry, I got her on the old To Be Fucked List."
Cook: "You are a wise man."
Pete: "Fortune favors the prepared penis."
Cook: "Your wisdom knows no boundries."

by Pete Dick February 13, 2008

braggadocio

empty boasting, arrogant pretension, a swaggering, cocky manner.

Cook: "Who's that loud fuck sitting across the bar."
Pete: "Oh, that's Adam."
Cook: "What a dickhead."
Pete: "Yeah, but in spite of all the braggadocio, I actually like the guy."
Cook: "Really?"
Pete: "No, really?"

by Pete Dick February 13, 2008

stalking horse

Someone or something whose role is to become the focal point for, or the initiator of, a debate or challenge. However, in reality their leadership role is an illusion, and the stalking horse is really working to promote a challenge or debate that will benefit a third party whose identity remains a secret.

Pete: "You been watching what them Clintons are up to?"
Cook: "I've been trying to ignore them now for 12 years."
Pete: "Well Slick Willie has been attacking Obama."
Cook: "Why?"
Pete: "Well he is acting as a stalking horse for Hillary to damage Obama's rep."
Cook: "I figured Obama already damaged his rep."
Pete: "Not as much as Willie can."
Cook: "Your wisdom is boundless."

by Pete Dick February 13, 2008