Definitions by Penis Alota
Dick Car Wash
noun.
The metaphorical state of being in a very homosexual situation, or undesirable position. Described as the brushes in a car wash being replaced with penises, and slapping the individual in the face repeatedly while revolving, as if they were cleaning the exterior of a vehicle.
The metaphorical state of being in a very homosexual situation, or undesirable position. Described as the brushes in a car wash being replaced with penises, and slapping the individual in the face repeatedly while revolving, as if they were cleaning the exterior of a vehicle.
Mark: Man, let’s get out of here….
Jim: What gives? I like the vibe of this place!
Mark: No dude, this place is a total Dick Car Wash. Do you see the amount of Navy personnel in here?
Jim: Oh….yeah there are a lot of sailors here…
Mark: Yeah. Let’s peace out and get some Taco John’s. I’m going to 9/11 that toilet later.
Jim: What gives? I like the vibe of this place!
Mark: No dude, this place is a total Dick Car Wash. Do you see the amount of Navy personnel in here?
Jim: Oh….yeah there are a lot of sailors here…
Mark: Yeah. Let’s peace out and get some Taco John’s. I’m going to 9/11 that toilet later.
Dick Car Wash by Penis Alota April 14, 2026
Hawt Sawce
Verb.
Clinical term for the popular erotic action of the deposition of hot sauce on to the sexual partner, as a means to feign ejaculation. The action involves stowing a discreetly sized bottle of hot sauce until sexual partner is near orgasm, and then proceeding to fake one’s orgasm by shaking the bottle vigorously, depositing the condiment on the stomach, breasts, or face of sexual partner.
Clinical term for the popular erotic action of the deposition of hot sauce on to the sexual partner, as a means to feign ejaculation. The action involves stowing a discreetly sized bottle of hot sauce until sexual partner is near orgasm, and then proceeding to fake one’s orgasm by shaking the bottle vigorously, depositing the condiment on the stomach, breasts, or face of sexual partner.
Mark: Hey Jim, how’d last night go?
Jim: Meh, it was okay. I had to pull the old Hawt Sawce trick on Tiffany. I’m picking her up from Urgent Care in 35 minutes.
Mark: Urgent Care?
Jim: Yeah, my aim was a little off, and I accidentally deposited onto her cornea.
Mark: Oh, darn it! Well we aren’t 25 anymore! Rule #1: Got to be vigilant with our aim when depositing!
Jim: I’ll say! Regardless, The Hawt Sawce has never let me down! Anyway, I have a little left….Do you want some scrambled eggs?
Jim: Meh, it was okay. I had to pull the old Hawt Sawce trick on Tiffany. I’m picking her up from Urgent Care in 35 minutes.
Mark: Urgent Care?
Jim: Yeah, my aim was a little off, and I accidentally deposited onto her cornea.
Mark: Oh, darn it! Well we aren’t 25 anymore! Rule #1: Got to be vigilant with our aim when depositing!
Jim: I’ll say! Regardless, The Hawt Sawce has never let me down! Anyway, I have a little left….Do you want some scrambled eggs?
Hawt Sawce by Penis Alota April 14, 2026
"About Schmidt" Challenge
The difficult undertaking of initiating masturbation at the start of the 2002 classic film, About Schmidt, with the intent to maintain arousal into the movie, with completion occurring at the infamous, Kathy Bates hot tube scene. Challengers must maintain arousal until completion, which must occur during that scene.
Mark: Jim? What's wrong??
Jim: Yeah, I just attempted the "About Schmidt" Challenge, and failed.
Mark: Bummer, I know how much this means to you. Well, how far did you get?
Jim: I was only able to get to the old lady's funeral, and then I released prematurely.
Mark: Now hey, that a new personal record for you. I've never even gotten past the "breakfast in the RV" scene. Baby steps!
Jim: Yeah mane, I guess we have a lot of work ahead of us!
Mark: Heros get remembered, but the Legends never die.
Jim: Yeah, I just attempted the "About Schmidt" Challenge, and failed.
Mark: Bummer, I know how much this means to you. Well, how far did you get?
Jim: I was only able to get to the old lady's funeral, and then I released prematurely.
Mark: Now hey, that a new personal record for you. I've never even gotten past the "breakfast in the RV" scene. Baby steps!
Jim: Yeah mane, I guess we have a lot of work ahead of us!
Mark: Heros get remembered, but the Legends never die.
"About Schmidt" Challenge by Penis Alota August 6, 2024
Cyclone Jim Carrey
1.) noun.
Mid 30s man who torments opposing basketball coaches from row 4. Most notably, he broke Jerome Tang by imitating his sadness and disdain for the officials, prompting Tang, an otherwise honest man, to accusing the opposing team to the ludicrous act of cheating, with no substantiated proof.
2.) verb
Dancing with a bratwurst in your left hand whilst being on a national network television.
Mid 30s man who torments opposing basketball coaches from row 4. Most notably, he broke Jerome Tang by imitating his sadness and disdain for the officials, prompting Tang, an otherwise honest man, to accusing the opposing team to the ludicrous act of cheating, with no substantiated proof.
2.) verb
Dancing with a bratwurst in your left hand whilst being on a national network television.
Bill: What’s the deal with Jerome Tang? He’s usually a level headed, honest coach that fields a solid basketball team….
Verne: You didn’t hear? Cyclone Jim Carrey shattered his confidence by imitating him after that technical foul on Wednesday.
Bill: Alrighty then. I did not know that….at least his fanbase is full of upstanding, knowledgeable, and thoughtful people….
Verne: …well…compared to hawk fans….maybe….
Verne: You didn’t hear? Cyclone Jim Carrey shattered his confidence by imitating him after that technical foul on Wednesday.
Bill: Alrighty then. I did not know that….at least his fanbase is full of upstanding, knowledgeable, and thoughtful people….
Verne: …well…compared to hawk fans….maybe….
Cyclone Jim Carrey by Penis Alota February 11, 2024
muddy, floaty pile
The buoyant, flakey, well digested mass of excrement that usually follows 16-24 hours after the consumption of Arby’s.
Mark: Oh Jim….you ever had one float?
Jim: One float?
Mark: Yeah…you know…..after Arby’s?
Jim: Oh shit, mane! Yeah, no sweat. That’s just a muddy, floaty pile. I’m guessing you subbed the mozzarella sticks.
Mark: Well, yeah.
Jim: It’s a universal constant: (16<Hours<24) + Arby’s = muddy, floaty pile, which can be signified by the constant, “b ᶬ”.
Jim: One float?
Mark: Yeah…you know…..after Arby’s?
Jim: Oh shit, mane! Yeah, no sweat. That’s just a muddy, floaty pile. I’m guessing you subbed the mozzarella sticks.
Mark: Well, yeah.
Jim: It’s a universal constant: (16<Hours<24) + Arby’s = muddy, floaty pile, which can be signified by the constant, “b ᶬ”.
muddy, floaty pile by Penis Alota January 27, 2024
Kokomo-ing
When you goto a small town bar jukebox, and proceed to play The Beach Boy’s classic, “Kokomo” no less than 10 times in a row.
Mark: Hey Jim, this place is full of slack-jawed yokels. I think we need to go Kokomo-ing on these hillbillies.
Jim: I don’t know man. There are a lot of people here with guns and lisps.
Mark: That’s okay. These people have trouble urinating into urinal. Do you expect them to be able to hurt you?
Jim: Well no.
Mark: Well then drop the Kokomo!!!
Jim: I don’t know man. There are a lot of people here with guns and lisps.
Mark: That’s okay. These people have trouble urinating into urinal. Do you expect them to be able to hurt you?
Jim: Well no.
Mark: Well then drop the Kokomo!!!
Kokomo-ing by Penis Alota November 17, 2023
Hawkeye-ing
The hypocritical call for action toward a team or entity that one has no affiliation with. Many times, this can refer to the firing or “cleaning house” or an otherwise moderately successful coaching staff.
Jim: Wow, those fans are calling for that coaches head after that beat down.
Mark: Yes, this is classic Hawkeye-ing. They don’t even have a reason to care, but they feign outrage to put up the facade, like they actually have a clue what’s going on.
Jim: Man…..those people must be insufferable personally.
Mark: Yes, this is classic Hawkeye-ing. They don’t even have a reason to care, but they feign outrage to put up the facade, like they actually have a clue what’s going on.
Jim: Man…..those people must be insufferable personally.
Hawkeye-ing by Penis Alota September 23, 2023