Nicholas D's definitions
Short for investment banking, an industry devoted to squeezing money out of transactions, famous for paying a metric shitload, being filled with douchebags, and doing absolutely nothing for the benefit of society. It is amazing that anyone actually ends up in this industry, as you have to be very smart to get such a job, but very stupid to take it.
Common characteristics are:
1) 80-100+ hour weeks, rarely even a weekend day off. Although it pays a lot in absolute terms, if you consider it on a per-hour basis (including overtime pay), it's not too far above minimum wage.
2) Meaningless, tedious, mind-numbing work.
3) A constant false sense of urgency on all projects.
4) Bonuses almost as big and sometimes bigger than base salaries, that is if you survive until bonus time.
5) Ranking everyone in the firm on the scale {Analyst, Associate, Vice President, Director/Executive Director, Managing Director, and so on}, often even HR, secretaries, and sanitation workers. Contradictorily, an "Analyst" in HR doesn't analyze anything, and a "Vice President" really isn't very important or high up at all.
6) Consistently recruits top college graduates into voluntary sweatshop-like slave labor camps called "Analyst programs."
Common characteristics are:
1) 80-100+ hour weeks, rarely even a weekend day off. Although it pays a lot in absolute terms, if you consider it on a per-hour basis (including overtime pay), it's not too far above minimum wage.
2) Meaningless, tedious, mind-numbing work.
3) A constant false sense of urgency on all projects.
4) Bonuses almost as big and sometimes bigger than base salaries, that is if you survive until bonus time.
5) Ranking everyone in the firm on the scale {Analyst, Associate, Vice President, Director/Executive Director, Managing Director, and so on}, often even HR, secretaries, and sanitation workers. Contradictorily, an "Analyst" in HR doesn't analyze anything, and a "Vice President" really isn't very important or high up at all.
6) Consistently recruits top college graduates into voluntary sweatshop-like slave labor camps called "Analyst programs."
Vice President #1: "SHIT!!! I'm going to have to spend all weekend getting this investor request done!!!"
Vice President #2: "Calm down man, it's not due back to them til the end of next week!"
VP #1: "NO, it needs to be done NOW!!! Where are all those analysts we hired? One of them can do the mindless bitch work."
VP #2: "Um, one committed suicide, two ended up in the mental ward, and another drowned in the huge pool of bullshit."
VP #1: "DAMN IT!!! We need to hire a new one. How about that janitor analyst Joe?"
VP #2: "Um...I guess so..."
VP #1: "Hey Joe, do you want a job as a corporate finance I-banking analyst here at Goldman Sachs? We'll pay you $60,000 base and you'll probably get $60,000 more in bonus. All we need from you is to give up every waking hour of your life, your health, and your soul."
Joe: "No thanks, I'd rather unclog toilets. Besides, I already make $8 an hour - I don't want to take a pay cut."
VP #1: "OH SHIT!!! WE'RE SO SCREWED!!! This needs to get done NOW!!!"
VP #2: "Whatever man, just make Nick D do it."
Vice President #2: "Calm down man, it's not due back to them til the end of next week!"
VP #1: "NO, it needs to be done NOW!!! Where are all those analysts we hired? One of them can do the mindless bitch work."
VP #2: "Um, one committed suicide, two ended up in the mental ward, and another drowned in the huge pool of bullshit."
VP #1: "DAMN IT!!! We need to hire a new one. How about that janitor analyst Joe?"
VP #2: "Um...I guess so..."
VP #1: "Hey Joe, do you want a job as a corporate finance I-banking analyst here at Goldman Sachs? We'll pay you $60,000 base and you'll probably get $60,000 more in bonus. All we need from you is to give up every waking hour of your life, your health, and your soul."
Joe: "No thanks, I'd rather unclog toilets. Besides, I already make $8 an hour - I don't want to take a pay cut."
VP #1: "OH SHIT!!! WE'RE SO SCREWED!!! This needs to get done NOW!!!"
VP #2: "Whatever man, just make Nick D do it."
by Nicholas D May 7, 2007
Get the I-banking mug."A big fine woman'll make you smile when she pass you
Damn that girl sexy, her mamma got ass too."
-Juvenile, "Mamma Got Ass"
Steve: "Maaan, this party at Wellington's house is going to suck baaaalllls."
Kevin: "Word to your mother. Working for that guy is a bitch. I can only imagine what that old stiff's family is like."
*Ding Dong*
Hot girl: "Hello, I'm Mr. Wellington's daughter Tiffany."
Steve: "BAZOOING! Damn that girl is hot!"
Kevin: "No kidding dude. I didn't expect old Wellington's daughter to have ass like that. Did you see the rack on that smokin' piece of tail?"
Steve: "Hell yeah man! I'd love to give those tig ol' bitties a good motorboating."
Mr. Wellington (having overheard): "Ahem...speaking of having ass, how about you two have your asses out of the office by Monday? You're fired."
Damn that girl sexy, her mamma got ass too."
-Juvenile, "Mamma Got Ass"
Steve: "Maaan, this party at Wellington's house is going to suck baaaalllls."
Kevin: "Word to your mother. Working for that guy is a bitch. I can only imagine what that old stiff's family is like."
*Ding Dong*
Hot girl: "Hello, I'm Mr. Wellington's daughter Tiffany."
Steve: "BAZOOING! Damn that girl is hot!"
Kevin: "No kidding dude. I didn't expect old Wellington's daughter to have ass like that. Did you see the rack on that smokin' piece of tail?"
Steve: "Hell yeah man! I'd love to give those tig ol' bitties a good motorboating."
Mr. Wellington (having overheard): "Ahem...speaking of having ass, how about you two have your asses out of the office by Monday? You're fired."
by Nicholas D February 27, 2011
Get the have ass mug.A phrase that signifies that a person's prior remark could have been interpreted sexually while also insulting the (presumably male) speaker. Means that no woman would ever say such a thing about that person because it would be blatantly untrue. If the target of the comment is female, the related saying that's what he didn't say should be used.
Tim: "Hey man, check out big-ass bag of weed I scored from Sampson. Let's blaze this shit up."
Dave: "Wow, I've never seen one that big!"
Tim: "That's what she didn't say!"
Dave: "Ah, you got me there. I guess everyone knows I have a 3-inch penis."
Tim: "Well, I was just joking, but they do now!"
Dave: "Wow, I've never seen one that big!"
Tim: "That's what she didn't say!"
Dave: "Ah, you got me there. I guess everyone knows I have a 3-inch penis."
Tim: "Well, I was just joking, but they do now!"
by Nicholas D December 18, 2012
Get the that's what she didn't say mug.A hypothetical form of the game wiffle ball (also spelled whiffle ball) that involves players with skill. Used in insults. Similar effect as minton or goodminton in the game of badminton.
John: "Ok, throw it. This one's going to be right in my wheelhouse and it's heading straight over the fence."
(Bill pitches ball, John whiffs)
Bill: "That's strike three - sit your ass down!"
John: "Whatever man, you got lucky there. I'm going to crush it next time I get up."
Bill: "You know, this game used to be called hittle ball before you started playing."
(Bill pitches ball, John whiffs)
Bill: "That's strike three - sit your ass down!"
John: "Whatever man, you got lucky there. I'm going to crush it next time I get up."
Bill: "You know, this game used to be called hittle ball before you started playing."
by Nicholas D March 10, 2009
Get the hittle ball mug.To be currently engaged in (blank) activity, or behaving in the manner of (blank).
NOTE: The exception to the grammatical syntax of this saying is when the word in the blank is "bullshit" or another word ending in "shit." In such a case the second "shit" would be redundant, so it is omitted, and the saying is simply, "on some bullshit."
NOTE: The exception to the grammatical syntax of this saying is when the word in the blank is "bullshit" or another word ending in "shit." In such a case the second "shit" would be redundant, so it is omitted, and the saying is simply, "on some bullshit."
"Now I ain't even on no rap shit no more.
I'm on some fuckin' you up shit when I see you.
And I will see you too."
-Eminem, "Girls"
Translation: "From the current point on, creating rap music is not not no longer my top priority. On the contrary, I will primarily concern myself with causing you physical harm the next time we encounter each other. As a footnote, rest assured that I such an encounter will indeed occur."
Notice the speaker's cunning usage of a triple negative in the first 'on some (blank) shit' which is meant to confuse the listener.
"But you on some bullshit, nigga.
This yo' last beer.
Get the fuck off my dick
And tell yo' bitch to bring her ass here."
-D12, "Blow My Buzz"
Translation: "However, my African-American acquaintance, the manner in which you are conducting yourself is not appropriate. Since you appear to be intoxicated, I will see to it that you do not consume another fermented malted barley beverage. I demand that you cease your excessive flattery and encourage your female friend to approach me."
"On some real shit.
I gotta be the best.
I gotta stay fresh.
I represent the West."
-Daz, "On Some Real Shit"
Translation: "That which I am about to disclose, I will disclose in absolute honesty. I must achieve the absolute pinnacle of my profession. I must remain stylish and continue to produce original material. I consider myself to be a personification of the entire Western region of the United States."
I'm on some fuckin' you up shit when I see you.
And I will see you too."
-Eminem, "Girls"
Translation: "From the current point on, creating rap music is not not no longer my top priority. On the contrary, I will primarily concern myself with causing you physical harm the next time we encounter each other. As a footnote, rest assured that I such an encounter will indeed occur."
Notice the speaker's cunning usage of a triple negative in the first 'on some (blank) shit' which is meant to confuse the listener.
"But you on some bullshit, nigga.
This yo' last beer.
Get the fuck off my dick
And tell yo' bitch to bring her ass here."
-D12, "Blow My Buzz"
Translation: "However, my African-American acquaintance, the manner in which you are conducting yourself is not appropriate. Since you appear to be intoxicated, I will see to it that you do not consume another fermented malted barley beverage. I demand that you cease your excessive flattery and encourage your female friend to approach me."
"On some real shit.
I gotta be the best.
I gotta stay fresh.
I represent the West."
-Daz, "On Some Real Shit"
Translation: "That which I am about to disclose, I will disclose in absolute honesty. I must achieve the absolute pinnacle of my profession. I must remain stylish and continue to produce original material. I consider myself to be a personification of the entire Western region of the United States."
by Nicholas D October 21, 2009
Get the on some (blank) shit mug.A term referring to someone who fronts like he/she is down with the hood but has in reality led a privileged upper- or upper-middle class existence for most of his/her life. Comes from the ridiculous song of the same name by J-Lo, who is a known prima donna and knows next to nothing about life in the ghetto.
Dave (after making shot and getting fouled): "And one."
Kevin: "What?!? Like hell I fouled you on that!"
Dave: "Who cares, man? I schooled your ass anyway. Count it."
Kevin: "Whoa. You better check yo self, dogg. You can't be calling that shit in street ball games. Somebody would bust a cap in your ass. You're lucky I didn't pack heat today."
Dave: "Ha, like you know anything about street ball."
Kevin: "I've been around, man. I used to play in a game where like half of the people were black."
Dave: "Wow. Did you really just say that?"
Bill: "Yeah, I bet you got into some really rough games growing up in that $5 million mansion in Atherton."
Kevin: "Whatever. I also played ball with our landscapers all the time as a kid and they were straight from the barrio, muchachos."
Dave: "Dude..."
Bill: "Give it a rest, Kevin. Nobody buys your bullshit. We all know you're a total jenny from the block."
Kevin: "What?!? Like hell I fouled you on that!"
Dave: "Who cares, man? I schooled your ass anyway. Count it."
Kevin: "Whoa. You better check yo self, dogg. You can't be calling that shit in street ball games. Somebody would bust a cap in your ass. You're lucky I didn't pack heat today."
Dave: "Ha, like you know anything about street ball."
Kevin: "I've been around, man. I used to play in a game where like half of the people were black."
Dave: "Wow. Did you really just say that?"
Bill: "Yeah, I bet you got into some really rough games growing up in that $5 million mansion in Atherton."
Kevin: "Whatever. I also played ball with our landscapers all the time as a kid and they were straight from the barrio, muchachos."
Dave: "Dude..."
Bill: "Give it a rest, Kevin. Nobody buys your bullshit. We all know you're a total jenny from the block."
by Nicholas D January 18, 2012
Get the jenny from the block mug.A figurative tax that's imposed on people who do a job that benefits society, or as the "Silicon Valley" cliche goes, "makes the world a better place." Because more people want to do meaningful jobs than worthless ones, the pay tends to be lower. The opposite is the douchebag bonus, where someone makes more money for doing a job that contributes zero or negative value to society.
Jimmy works as as a researcher who has made significant advances in cancer treatment, but he only makes $70k a year because of the better place tax. Meanwhile, Chazz the hedge fund manager gets a huge douchebag bonus and managed to rake in $10 million last year even though all he did was lose a bunch of rich people a bunch of money.
by Nicholas D July 25, 2015
Get the better place tax mug.