The Medicinal Penis

An excuse given to an unwilling and uncooperative female bedfellow .
Used when she is reluctant to make best use of an urgent tumescent member .

Convince her that the stonker in your pyjamas actually possesses medicinal healing properties and if she would care to suck it or pop it into her love tunnel , then whatever may be ailing the bitch will be almost instantly cured

Imogen complained of several ailments and was cock blocking me for several hours . I did however manage eventually to convince her that 7 inches of throbbing gristle otherwise known as the medicinal penis would be just what the doctor ordered to ease her whining

by Napoleon BonerPart February 22, 2023

Tokyo Branch of specsavers

Descriptive of a particularly loose woman of whom it could be said - “she’s seen more japseyes than the Tokyo Branch of Specsavers”

Somebody like Katie Price for example

That slapper Jordan has seen more japs eyes than the Tokyo branch of Specsavers

by Napoleon BonerPart February 17, 2023

floating toldy

North East of Scotland’s poetic word for a turd which refuses to submerge below the water line and will resist virtually every attempt to encourage the bastard to depart these environs .

Agnes , you’ve dropped a fucking floating toldy in here again, I’ve told you to stop eating those Ryvitas, they’re making your jobbys far too bouyant .

by Napoleon BonerPart February 24, 2023

filthy concrete

Male Ejaculate . Semen Spunk Sperm

I asked him not to , and to pull out , but that inconsiderate bastard tipped his filthy concrete into my uterus and now I’m probably up the duff

by Napoleon BonerPart February 03, 2023

Mr Flibbertyflobbert

My cock , when it’s on the slack

Are you horny Napoleon ?

No, sadly not . I’m at home to Mr Flibbertyflobbert

by Napoleon BonerPart February 22, 2023

mammarydukeelliots

The tits , the rack , the Winston Bazoomies ,

The dead heat in a zeppelin race , the hooters, the melons , the jugulars, the paps, the jubblies, the dirty pillows, the doodaas,

The chates, the diddys, the breasticles, the fun bags , the gakkies, the headlamps,

I guess you get the idea …
The Mammary Duke-Elliots

Despite being a pretty ancient fossil , Toyah Wilcox has got one fabulous pair of Mammary Duke Elliots

Mammarydukeelliots

by Napoleon BonerPart February 24, 2023

Shitkickers waltz

The act of sort of ‘shuffling along’ instead of walking properly. Almost as if your shoes are a bit too big for you . Thus resembling someone slightly tamely advancing a relatively solid turd along the sidewalk with their foot or feet . We’ve all seen such half arsed gaits being displayed , mostly by junkies , pissed-up fuckwitts or indeed those individuals that may have in fact , shat in their own clothes .

Dancing the shitkickers waltz

See that lowlife piece of excrement over there , trying to make his way to Lidl , and dancing the shitkickers waltz ?

by Napoleon BonerPart February 17, 2023