No, she did not want any chocolate, no, she did not need any more shoes, no, she did not have time to take a trip, and she already had three pale pink sweaters, so thank you but no. He saw she was a total no-it-all. And the day he stopped offering would be the day she'd change her tune and accuse him of being a know-it-all.
by Monkey's Dad April 19, 2020
The care a sports hero or movie star takes to maintain eye-contact and appear humble when expounding on something they know nothing about.
Asked his opinion on the impact of coronavirus on climate change, and also how it felt to see his new action flick streamed instead of released, he looked directly at the host, maintaining icon tact, and began cautiously to espouse his scientific theories.
by Monkey's Dad March 29, 2020
A person who lies awake worrying about all the maladies, disorders and syndromes they may have, present and future.
The messages flooded in at bedtime, from her brother, her cousin - who was a doctor, mind you - studies and statistics forwarded by so many well-intentioned friends, warning of sicknesses which awaited her, if she didn't already have symptoms, which she suddenly realized she probably did have, recommendations for pills, and more pills, changes in diet, which, omg, she vowed to try, promising another sleepless night as a hypoinsomnichondriac.
by Monkey's Dad April 19, 2020
I can't wait for you to grow up
An acronym, conveying that the affectionate sender has long ago abandoned any hope that the recipient will ever grow up.
An acronym, conveying that the affectionate sender has long ago abandoned any hope that the recipient will ever grow up.
Again, her birthday, and again... turning twelve. What could he say? With steady fingers he texted "icwfytgu", secure in their shared understanding that she would remain twelve for the coming year, and for those to follow.
by Monkey's Dad June 22, 2021
Soup Nazis.
According to WWII scholar and Holocaust historian Marjorie Taylor Greene, the Gazpacho Police are now roaming the halls of Congress.
According to WWII scholar and Holocaust historian Marjorie Taylor Greene, the Gazpacho Police are now roaming the halls of Congress.
"Nancy Pelosi's Gazpacho Police, spying on members of Congress..." complained Greene. A person of her erudition could not possibly have been confusing cold vegetable soup with the Gestapo, Hitler's secret force, tasked with sending people to the concentration camps.
by Monkey's Dad February 10, 2022
1) A new word, entered here, meaning the opposite of "negate". A positive counter to "negate's" negative. To gate is to affirm, verify, support, confirm, validate, agree.
Also...
2) A hinged barrier used to close an aperture in a wall, fence, or hedge.
3) A suffix denoting any kind of scandal, real or imagined - "Pizzagate" - following the 1972 Nixonian Watergate imbroglio, itself named for a Washington Hotel.
Also...
2) A hinged barrier used to close an aperture in a wall, fence, or hedge.
3) A suffix denoting any kind of scandal, real or imagined - "Pizzagate" - following the 1972 Nixonian Watergate imbroglio, itself named for a Washington Hotel.
She entered the courtroom, confident that the DNA evidence, supported by eyewitness testimony, would gate her client's claim of innocence.
by Monkey's Dad March 28, 2021
She refused to be vaccinated, certain that Bill Gates had engineered the whole pandemic to take over the world. The shot would implant a microchip in her brain. Bill Gates would know where she was at all times, what she bought, the websites she visited, what songs she liked. She had learned this from her i-phone, which was always on, always in her hand. She was a certifiable vaccadoodle and if she perished from Covid, at least Gates would never know.
by Monkey's Dad February 15, 2021