Monkey's Dad's definitions

tomorrow, I will really start being good to you

Whispered to a woman who feels loved, cared-for, pampered to an ultimate degree, to let her know that you have only started.

As she lay on her back, eyes glassy, breathing deeply, wishing for nothing more than the moment, he put his lips to her ear and said, "Tomorrow, I will really start being good to you."

by Monkey's Dad December 3, 2022

Nasal Flasher

A sexual deviant who derives pleasure from exposing his or her nostrils in public, wearing a mask over their mouth but under their nose.

As with other bodily orifices, it is presently taboo to expose one's nostrils in public. So naturally there is a new breed of Nasal Flasher, making eye contact with strangers while in this way semi-naked. Not to be confused with the millions who do not understand that the nose and mouth are connected, and walk around with their own nostrils exposed.

by Monkey's Dad March 29, 2021

2020 Social Climber

Someone who aspires to share dinner in a restaurant with another person, before the year is out.

He accepted that he was a 2020 Social Climber, longing to be invited to any party, where he would weave fanciful stories of having been anywhere, and rubbed elbows with anyone.

by Monkey's Dad March 29, 2020

snake preview

A dishonest, untrustworthy person's first, seemingly innocuous gesture that should have tipped you off as to their character.

It was many years later, after he had left her for her best friend, that she realized - his stiffing the waiter on their first date was a snake preview.

by Monkey's Dad April 9, 2020

SickaDoodles

The ultimate and final-straw mixed breed dog.

"Oh, what aDORable puppies!"

"Aren't they?! We got them from the world's only breeder, in Baise-mon-Cul, Quebec. Twelve year waiting list, and you don't want to know what they cost. But. These dogs rank number one in temperament, intelligence, musical aptitude and table manners, superior to every other breed recognized by the AKC. Superb with kids, cats and tout les chien avec d'argent."

"That's so charming! And they're... no, please, let me guess. Umm... SickaDoodles! Am I right?! Totally SickaDoodles."

by Monkey's Dad October 1, 2023

daze of the week

Trying to remember what day this is, in the locked-down, shut-in, stay-at-home world.

Was it Wednesday, Monday, Thursday? With nowhere to go, no one to see, they all became daze of the week.

by Monkey's Dad April 21, 2020

Cellphcentered

A common state of being in which a person's life is directed toward and extracted from their cellphone, to the exclusion of actual experience.

She's so cellphcentered she can't take a shower without the freakin' thing in her hand. From the shower, tripping down the stairs, getting honked at while crossing the street, eyes on her phone, she's like, having dinner with tonight's guy she met through her cellphone, covertly staring at the same cellphone in her lap as she swipes right on the next three guys and sends breakup texts to the last three. Ask her the color of tonight's date's eyes, I dare you.

by Monkey's Dad October 22, 2019