8 track tapeworm

A song stuck in your head, on auto-repeat since 1966.
Having blown their cash on a then-state-of-the-art sound system for the band truck, the guys only had enough to buy one tape. For the last five decades, Martha and the Vandellas had been singing endlessly in his head - "It's like a heatwave, burnin' in my hea-a-art, can't keep from a-cry-in', tearin' me apa-a-art", his personal 8 track tapeworm.
by Monkey's Dad March 08, 2020
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dawth

'died and went to heaven', an acronym for the state of happiness beyond words.
Looking at her across the table, staring into her phone as she'd done all through dinner, the joy he felt in being with her on their first date was inexpressible. He texted 'dawth' to her, heard the thrilling 'ping' and thought she might look up and meet his eyes, but... whatever.
by Monkey's Dad July 26, 2022
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Bi-pass heart surgery

An extreme form of conversion therapy, intended to cure the bi-curious and turn them straight.
Arriving home in Wichita from Princeton for the summer, Amber confided to her devoutly Methodist mother that she was equally in love with her 'friends' Jason and Jennifer. Shocked, and too unworldly to know that this was a transitory phase for many of the girls in Amber's class, her mother whispered the threat of bi-pass heart surgery to make her normal again.
by Monkey's Dad February 28, 2020
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Urban Legend

In the near future, a fantastical story told by parents to children of what the word 'city' meant.
They sat at six-foot intervals to hear their favorite Urban Legend. They knew it was not real, yet it entertained them to imagine people walking the streets, crowding together to eat and drink and listen to music, where 'school' was a building kids went to, together.
by Monkey's Dad March 23, 2020
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toll

A cost in lives.

Damage resulting from an event or practice.

Charge for a service or permission.

The sound of a bell rung at a steady interval.
The tolls from coronavirus will be great, many and enduring, and the bells will toll for the dead.
by Monkey's Dad April 05, 2020
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No-It-All

A person whose reflex is to refuse, dispute, and oppose everything.
No, she did not want any chocolate, no, she did not need any more shoes, no, she did not have time to take a trip, and she already had three pale pink sweaters, so thank you but no. He saw she was a total no-it-all. And the day he stopped offering would be the day she'd change her tune and accuse him of being a know-it-all.
by Monkey's Dad April 19, 2020
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Icon tact

The care a sports hero or movie star takes to maintain eye-contact and appear humble when expounding on something they know nothing about.
Asked his opinion on the impact of coronavirus on climate change, and also how it felt to see his new action flick streamed instead of released, he looked directly at the host, maintaining icon tact, and began cautiously to espouse his scientific theories.
by Monkey's Dad March 29, 2020
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