Definitions by Monkey's Dad
gymgnostic
His endorphins surging, what he saw in the mirror after his daily devotion to the ellipticals, free weights, rowers and treadmills lulled him into a gymgnostic state of belief in his own divinity.
gymgnostic by Monkey's Dad March 6, 2020
meat loafers
She had fallen for his whole 'I'm so kind to animals' thing. On their first date, happily sharing Impossible Burgers with him, she dropped her fork. At floor level, she saw his feet. "Hypocrite!" she screamed. Are those vegan leather? No! You are wearing meat loafers!" She grabbed her phone, unfriended him, and stalked off. Needing some comfort food, he signaled the waiter for a bacon cheeseburger.
meat loafers by Monkey's Dad March 6, 2020
Narcissistic personality order
Because the narcissist has no disorder.
"As you insisted, I went to the therapist. She told me I have narcissistic personality order, which she said very few individuals have. I described our relationship and she wants to see you three times a week."
Narcissistic personality order by Monkey's Dad March 6, 2020
Germaphobe
Observing the near-empty streets, theaters and gyms, seeing people all around him wearing masks, avoiding doorknobs, refusing to take the subway or eat in public, watching as nobody is shaking hands, the germaphobe felt that what he had known for years was finally sinking in.
Germaphobe by Monkey's Dad March 6, 2020
Official Wokesperson
The face of an institution, corporation, etc , whose job it is to stand before the press and convey an image of irreproachable political correctness.
"Here at Enlightenment Worldwide, LLC, there is not one single straight, white, male on our staff", said the Official Wokesperson, who indeed seemed oddly indeterminate as to gender and ethnicity. "Further, I apologize for my English, as it is not my first language but my seventh."
Official Wokesperson by Monkey's Dad March 6, 2020
wrydyllic
Describing her wrydyllic Hollywood upbringing, with her famously absent, movie-star father, her alcoholic mother's three-day orgies that allowed her no place to hide, her joyous hitch-hiking escape up the coast to Haight-Ashbury at 14, she kept a straight face and slight smile, the better to confound her interviewer.
wrydyllic by Monkey's Dad March 6, 2020