McCririck's unlucky Laundress's definitions

Pomgolia

New Zealand term of abuse for Britain, reflecting the terrifying, dangerous wasteland that it has become. Used by British expatriates who have moved to NZ. Pom = Australian & NZ slang for a British person + suffix suggesting Mongolia, windblown desert area of Asia, renowned for its banditry, unpleasant climate and remoteness from civilisation.

An Auckland conversation I overheard:
Gregg: Do you think you'll ever go back to the UK, Dad?
Gregg's dad: What? Pomgolia? Not fucking likely, not after last time. I'm leaving that disgusting shit hole behind me.

by McCririck's unlucky Laundress October 2, 2005

Sherman

Noun: An American. Cockney rhyming slang: Sherman Tank - Yank. Real Cockney rhyming slang only uses the first word, which sounds nothing like the thing being referred to in the rhyme so secrecy is preserved.

I went to fight the sausage munchers and when I came back with my legs blown off my bird had been stolen by a fuckin' Sherman.

by McCririck's unlucky Laundress October 2, 2005

sausage muncher

Noun: a German person. kraut fritz squarehead.

All my material fell flatter than a witches tit last night - there was a big crowd of sausage munchers in - and now they've taken all the sun loungers.

by McCririck's unlucky Laundress October 2, 2005

Mockintosh

Noun, adjective. Any item of reproduction furniture or tourist souvenir which is made in the STYLE of the designer Charles Rennie MacKintosh but is just a cheap rip-off of the great man's work. Edinburgh gift shops are full of this rubbish, always cheaply made and ill-proportioned.
Helpfully contains the words 'mock' (mimic) and 'tosh' (nonsense).

'I love those dining chairs with the grid of squares in the very high back.'
'Don't go there, dear. They're mockintosh. Made in Luton from stacking palettes.'

by McCririck's unlucky Laundress October 2, 2005

permatan

The condition of a white person having tanned skin all the year round. There are two forms:
1) Rock star; TV personality; model; other wealthy person to whom an appearance of wellbeing is an inherent part of their lifestyle. Condition obtained by chasing the Summer round the globe. Looks natural.
2) Chav; trailer trash; mediocre prostitute; middle-aged woman who wears leather trousers. Condition obtained through roasting one's skin under a UV lamp. Result looks a bizarre shade of orange and ages the skin prematurely.

Jason "What's that big white ring among the wrinkles on the side of your neck?"
Shaz "Oh shit! I forgot to take my giant hoop earrings off when I was getting my permatan."

by McCririck's unlucky Laundress October 2, 2005

Bois de Colliers

Proper noun: Pretentious form of Colliers Wood, a naff suburb of south west London. Pronounced with a perfect French accent (bwa de coll-yay) and used in a mocking way about people who live there and overrate the place. See also Croùch End, Battercia, Pengé.

"You're from Wimbledon? My English friend lives in Bois de Colliers! Maybe you know her."
"Actually, I never mix with fatuous, social-climbing champagne socialists.

by McCririck's unlucky Laundress October 2, 2005

Shed

Noun, singular or collective: A chain (or single branch of a chain) of large DIY warehouse shops occupying ugly, aircraft-hangar-like buildings - sheds. Wickes, Homebase, B&Q are sheds.

That little ironmongers on the corner didn't have one.
You'll have to go to one of the sheds then.
Yeah, but they'll only sell me a packet of 20 and charge me an arm and a leg.

by McCririck's unlucky Laundress October 2, 2005