Definitions by McCririck's unlucky Laundress

Chocolate Police 

Chocolate Police (noun) Governing force to regulate and prevent the consumption of chocolate. Resides within the super-ego of the human subconscious. Singles out women and attacks them viciously, using guilt as a weapon. More likely to punish after the crime than to deter beforehand.

At the supermarket in the confectionery aisle:
Unknown shopper: - Shuffle -
Nancy (turning, sharply; dropping jumbo bar of Cadbury’s): “Ohh!!!”
Unknown shopper: “Errr… are you alright?”
Nancy: “Sorry. I thought you were the Chocolate Police.”

Later, in the car:
Mikey: “You’ll be sorry later on.”
Nancy: “Shut up.” - Chomp - “Just let me enjoy it.” - Slurp -
Mikey: “The Chocolate Police will get you.”
Nancy: “I know.” - Munch - “I’ll deal with them later. Mmmm!”

Chocolate Police by McCririck's unlucky Laundress August 9, 2008

strapadicktome 

Noun: A ratchet tool for tightening and then cutting the surplus off nylon cable ties or 'straps' without leaving a sharp point protruding.
Familiar due to sounding a bit like 'appendectomy'. Phrase in use by employees of GEC in UK in 1980s.

Shouted the length of a telephone exchange or similar electrical engineering environment "Who's got my strapadicktome? I'll have to trim these with side cutters."

strapadicktome by McCririck's unlucky Laundress July 20, 2008

Pengé 

Proper noun: Frenchified form of Penge, a south London suburb which is full of pikeys and as rough as a badger's arse. It has recently enjoyed an influx of gentrifiers who are desperately talking the area up. If pronounced 'ponjay' (with a very soft 'j') an estate agent will add £2500 to the price of your crack den with a blocked toilet.

Laurent and Guy bake these oat-sprinkled baguettes every morning in their boulangerie in the bohemian quarter of Pengé.
Mmmm. Such a wealthy bouquet. Wait! They're identical to the ones I buy from Tesceaux in Croix Nouveau!

Pengé by McCririck's unlucky Laundress October 10, 2005

Mud Cupboard 

Noun: Arse, rectum, bum cavity, etc.

She told me she loves it up the mud cupboard but I reckon it's just coz it's closing time and she still hasn't pulled anyone.

Mud Cupboard by McCririck's unlucky Laundress October 2, 2005

four wheeled wives 

Noun, plural: Women who are only ever seen in their chelsea tractors.
Works best when pronounced in the 'Jonathon Woss' estuarine english style so it sounds like an Essex person trying to say 'four-wheel-drives'.

So many four wheeled wives that I couldn't get my ambulance into the playground and the kid died.

four wheeled wives by McCririck's unlucky Laundress October 2, 2005

sausage muncher 

Noun: a German person. kraut fritz squarehead.

All my material fell flatter than a witches tit last night - there was a big crowd of sausage munchers in - and now they've taken all the sun loungers.

sausage muncher by McCririck's unlucky Laundress October 2, 2005

plastic paddy 

Noun: Term of abuse for someone who feigns being Irish when convenient. E.g. An entirely British person who in 1994, on realising that England had not made it to the soccer World Cup, had no one to cheer for and found green blood in their veins for as long as Republic of Ireland were still in with a chance.

What happened to your England shirt, you plastic paddy?
No, I'm Irish. Honest.
On which side?
Err... both. My Mum's cousin's got an Irish setter and my Dad was conceived in the County Kilburn. Guinness spritzer with a dash of Baileys please barman, cheers. Bejazus!

plastic paddy by McCririck's unlucky Laundress October 2, 2005