offie

Noun: Short form of 'off licence'.
A British pub has an 'on' licence (licenced to sell intoxicating liquor for consumption ON the premises). They used to also have a little hatch where you could buy drink to take away and this had an 'off' licence. All such purchases had to be consumed off the premises.
Nowadays Britons buy their take-out booze in a shop which is unconnected to any pub. These shops have to apply for the same 'off licences' from local magistrates and have retained the name.

Look at the time! It's wifebeater o'clock. Should I go and drink sociably and responsibly with mature friends in the pub and then return home in a quiet, orderly fashion without vandalising or vomiting; or shall I go down the offie and buy some dangerous-looking lager, go home and get wankered - all sorry and lonesome; vandalise my own home and vomit in every room?

by McCririck's unlucky Laundress October 02, 2005

Mud Cupboard

Noun: Arse, rectum, bum cavity, etc.

She told me she loves it up the mud cupboard but I reckon it's just coz it's closing time and she still hasn't pulled anyone.

by McCririck's unlucky Laundress October 02, 2005

Sherman

Noun: An American. Cockney rhyming slang: Sherman Tank - Yank. Real Cockney rhyming slang only uses the first word, which sounds nothing like the thing being referred to in the rhyme so secrecy is preserved.

I went to fight the sausage munchers and when I came back with my legs blown off my bird had been stolen by a fuckin' Sherman.

by McCririck's unlucky Laundress October 02, 2005

Shed

Noun, singular or collective: A chain (or single branch of a chain) of large DIY warehouse shops occupying ugly, aircraft-hangar-like buildings - sheds. Wickes, Homebase, B&Q are sheds.

That little ironmongers on the corner didn't have one.
You'll have to go to one of the sheds then.
Yeah, but they'll only sell me a packet of 20 and charge me an arm and a leg.

by McCririck's unlucky Laundress October 02, 2005

Pengé

Proper noun: Frenchified form of Penge, a south London suburb which is full of pikeys and as rough as a badger's arse. It has recently enjoyed an influx of gentrifiers who are desperately talking the area up. If pronounced 'ponjay' (with a very soft 'j') an estate agent will add £2500 to the price of your crack den with a blocked toilet.

Laurent and Guy bake these oat-sprinkled baguettes every morning in their boulangerie in the bohemian quarter of Pengé.
Mmmm. Such a wealthy bouquet. Wait! They're identical to the ones I buy from Tesceaux in Croix Nouveau!

by McCririck's unlucky Laundress October 10, 2005

near beer

Noun: London police slang for a crummy dive in which unwitting male tourists are promised a good time with a hot babe. They must order a drink from these unlicenced premises but get charged hundreds of pounds for a soft drink. Victims are often frog-marched to cash machines by heavies. Needless to say, the babe doesn't provide any action, just sits there.

Drink your tea, were going to bust a near beer in Brewer Street.
OK, Shall I grab a Transit van and 2 Serbo-Croat translators?

The Kinks classic 'Lola' is set in a near-beer.
I Met her in a club down in old Soho
Where they drink champagne and it tastes just like cherry-cola...
...Lo-Lo-Lo-Lo-Lola.

by McCririck's unlucky Laundress October 02, 2005

Prima donald

Noun: A male exhibiting the behaviour of a prima donna.

Terence is having a tantrum over the Perrier not being room temperature.
Typical prima donald.

by McCririck's unlucky Laundress October 02, 2005