McCririck's unlucky Laundress's definitions
by McCririck's unlucky Laundress October 2, 2005
Get the bligemug. Adjective. Extremely flat. A witch is traditionally considered not to be the model of fertility and, as such to be less than buxom.
Norfolk is a very windy county but that is not surprising -it is flatter than a witch's tit.
I turned the key but, having left the radio on all night the battery was as flat as a witch's tit.
I turned the key but, having left the radio on all night the battery was as flat as a witch's tit.
by McCririck's unlucky Laundress October 2, 2005
Get the Flatter than a witch's titmug. Noun, singular or collective: A chain (or single branch of a chain) of large DIY warehouse shops occupying ugly, aircraft-hangar-like buildings - sheds. Wickes, Homebase, B&Q are sheds.
That little ironmongers on the corner didn't have one.
You'll have to go to one of the sheds then.
Yeah, but they'll only sell me a packet of 20 and charge me an arm and a leg.
You'll have to go to one of the sheds then.
Yeah, but they'll only sell me a packet of 20 and charge me an arm and a leg.
by McCririck's unlucky Laundress October 2, 2005
Get the Shedmug. Proper noun: Frenchified form of Penge, a south London suburb which is full of pikeys and as rough as a badger's arse. It has recently enjoyed an influx of gentrifiers who are desperately talking the area up. If pronounced 'ponjay' (with a very soft 'j') an estate agent will add £2500 to the price of your crack den with a blocked toilet.
Laurent and Guy bake these oat-sprinkled baguettes every morning in their boulangerie in the bohemian quarter of Pengé.
Mmmm. Such a wealthy bouquet. Wait! They're identical to the ones I buy from Tesceaux in Croix Nouveau!
Mmmm. Such a wealthy bouquet. Wait! They're identical to the ones I buy from Tesceaux in Croix Nouveau!
by McCririck's unlucky Laundress October 10, 2005
Get the Pengémug. Noun: London police slang for a crummy dive in which unwitting male tourists are promised a good time with a hot babe. They must order a drink from these unlicenced premises but get charged hundreds of pounds for a soft drink. Victims are often frog-marched to cash machines by heavies. Needless to say, the babe doesn't provide any action, just sits there.
Drink your tea, were going to bust a near beer in Brewer Street.
OK, Shall I grab a Transit van and 2 Serbo-Croat translators?
The Kinks classic 'Lola' is set in a near-beer.
I Met her in a club down in old Soho
Where they drink champagne and it tastes just like cherry-cola...
...Lo-Lo-Lo-Lo-Lola.
OK, Shall I grab a Transit van and 2 Serbo-Croat translators?
The Kinks classic 'Lola' is set in a near-beer.
I Met her in a club down in old Soho
Where they drink champagne and it tastes just like cherry-cola...
...Lo-Lo-Lo-Lo-Lola.
by McCririck's unlucky Laundress October 2, 2005
Get the near beermug. Noun: Short form of 'off licence'.
A British pub has an 'on' licence (licenced to sell intoxicating liquor for consumption ON the premises). They used to also have a little hatch where you could buy drink to take away and this had an 'off' licence. All such purchases had to be consumed off the premises.
Nowadays Britons buy their take-out booze in a shop which is unconnected to any pub. These shops have to apply for the same 'off licences' from local magistrates and have retained the name.
A British pub has an 'on' licence (licenced to sell intoxicating liquor for consumption ON the premises). They used to also have a little hatch where you could buy drink to take away and this had an 'off' licence. All such purchases had to be consumed off the premises.
Nowadays Britons buy their take-out booze in a shop which is unconnected to any pub. These shops have to apply for the same 'off licences' from local magistrates and have retained the name.
Look at the time! It's wifebeater o'clock. Should I go and drink sociably and responsibly with mature friends in the pub and then return home in a quiet, orderly fashion without vandalising or vomiting; or shall I go down the offie and buy some dangerous-looking lager, go home and get wankered - all sorry and lonesome; vandalise my own home and vomit in every room?
by McCririck's unlucky Laundress October 2, 2005
Get the offiemug. She told me she loves it up the mud cupboard but I reckon it's just coz it's closing time and she still hasn't pulled anyone.
by McCririck's unlucky Laundress October 2, 2005
Get the Mud Cupboardmug.