Matti! Matti! Matti!'s definitions

Recovering American

An American who has been living in another country long enough to understand that/why the people in that country feel antipathy toward Americans, and is modifying their behaviour/educating themselves to overcome those deficiencies.

From the phrase "recovering alcoholic".

No, it's all right, you can invite Crandall to Grandpère's birthday: he's a recovering American.

by Matti! Matti! Matti! January 4, 2011

circumsuction

To stand in one place while vacuuming in a circle around you.

Some people like to vacuum in straight lines but I prefer to circumsuction.

by Matti! Matti! Matti! November 9, 2010

Clipboard of Power

A derogatory term for the petty bureaucrat's badge of office. It is held close to the chest and carries papers with information that is jealously guarded. It allows access to sensitive areas and gives the bearer authority to pry into the work being done by others. Often used for micromanagement and the application of "bureaucracy gone mad".

Line up your pencils everyone! Here comes Snottynose Snivelson with his Clipboard of Power.

by Matti! Matti! Matti! October 13, 2012

you can't get there from here

A situation where streets have been subject to so much traffic calming modification (eg fences, traffic lights, one way streets) that it is impossible to get to the place you want, even though you can see it clearly.

Tourist: "I want to go to that shop but there's nowhere to cross the street."
Local: "You can't get there from here. You have to go back the way you came to the traffic lights, cross over to the other side of the street, walk back this way, go past here, then three blocks down there's a pedestrian crossing, cross back to this side, and head back down this way."
Tourist: "That's ridiculous!"
Local: "Yeah, but what can you do?"

by Matti! Matti! Matti! January 15, 2013

The 3M Rule

A method by which one can evaluate a man for hotness, the rule consists of three parts: 1 man, 1 minute, 1 metre. One man because many men confuse the senses, one minute to allow the surge of hormones to subside, one metre because everyone looks better the further away they are.

I thought he was a total fox but it must've been my beer goggles because when I got up close and used the 3M Rule, I realised that he was a dog!

by Matti! Matti! Matti! January 20, 2011

crymaxing

To cry while masturbating because one is thinking of one's ex.

From cry + climax.

From reddit: "My girlfriend is going to break up with me in 5 hours from now."

–remotepath 105 points 16 hours ago
please masturbate, it clears your head

–mf4633 59 points 15 hours ago
one caveat: don't think about her when you're doing it

–speedstix 33 points 10 hours ago
crymaxing is never good.

by Matti! Matti! Matti! November 24, 2011

Japocalypse

The events in Japan following on from the earthquake of 11 March 2011, ie earthquake damage, tsunami damage, nuclear power plant damage, volcanic eruption, missing trains, massive destruction and climbing death toll.

From "japan" and "apocalypse".

Man, all they need are zombies and the Japocalypse would be complete.

by Matti! Matti! Matti! April 1, 2011