Matti! Matti! Matti!'s definitions

Orphan's Christmas

A standard Christmas celebration held by people who aren't able to be with their birth families because they are overseas or have a difficult relationship with their family.

Often used by people who have been disowned by their parents, such as homosexuals who have escaped their conservative, small-town upbringing and moved to the more open-minded city.

"Tell everyone there's an Orphan's Christmas at mine this year. Bring a plate and the booze is on me!"

by Matti! Matti! Matti! November 25, 2011

procrasturbake

To waste time baking, especially treats like cupcakes, instead of being productive. From procrasturbate.

I should be writing my final essay but I think I'll procrasturbake instead.

by Matti! Matti! Matti! June 29, 2011

constipatience

To become resigned to the fact that you won't be able to defecate until your colon decides it's ready to.

Patient: "I took the laxatives you gave me but I still haven't been able to go to the toilet."
Doctor: "Well, your bowel will evacuate when it's ready. You'll just have to learn constipatience."

by Matti! Matti! Matti! May 15, 2013

Sex-is-love Disorder

When a (usually) woman equates sex with love, thinking that because a man had sex with her, it means that he loves her. In men, it is often a nerdy type who has sex out of his league and turns into a total obsessive. Is often the trigger for stalkerish behaviour.

Dude, you can't bang her, she has Sex-is-love Disorder!

by Matti! Matti! Matti! January 4, 2011

pestrian

A pedestrian who disobeys the road rules, causing you to swerve to avoid hitting them.

I can't believe she just walked out into the road like that! Bloody pestrian!

by Matti! Matti! Matti! November 22, 2010

Clipboard of Power

A derogatory term for the petty bureaucrat's badge of office. It is held close to the chest and carries papers with information that is jealously guarded. It allows access to sensitive areas and gives the bearer authority to pry into the work being done by others. Often used for micromanagement and the application of "bureaucracy gone mad".

Line up your pencils everyone! Here comes Snottynose Snivelson with his Clipboard of Power.

by Matti! Matti! Matti! October 13, 2012

lifestyle vampire

A person who is quiet and subdued when on their own, but comes alive when around other people, feeding off the energy of their social interaction or the event they are attending.

A: "Went rafting today which is fun but going out and doing stuff like that is always funner when you have people to share it with."

B: "Are you like me, a lifestyle vampire? You exist on your own, but you live when you're with others."

by Matti! Matti! Matti! October 6, 2012