Definitions by Matti! Matti! Matti!
The Deep North
The northern latitudes of Australia. States in the Deep North are generally poorer, hotter, more humid, more conservative, and more prone to cyclones than its more poleward cousins. In the USA, this would be called the Deep South.
A: "I can't believe my fellow Queenslanders voted against gay marriage."
B: "That's what you get when you live in the Deep North."
B: "That's what you get when you live in the Deep North."
The Deep North by Matti! Matti! Matti! September 12, 2013
constipatience
To become resigned to the fact that you won't be able to defecate until your colon decides it's ready to.
Patient: "I took the laxatives you gave me but I still haven't been able to go to the toilet."
Doctor: "Well, your bowel will evacuate when it's ready. You'll just have to learn constipatience."
Doctor: "Well, your bowel will evacuate when it's ready. You'll just have to learn constipatience."
constipatience by Matti! Matti! Matti! May 15, 2013
you can't get there from here
A situation where streets have been subject to so much traffic calming modification (eg fences, traffic lights, one way streets) that it is impossible to get to the place you want, even though you can see it clearly.
Tourist: "I want to go to that shop but there's nowhere to cross the street."
Local: "You can't get there from here. You have to go back the way you came to the traffic lights, cross over to the other side of the street, walk back this way, go past here, then three blocks down there's a pedestrian crossing, cross back to this side, and head back down this way."
Tourist: "That's ridiculous!"
Local: "Yeah, but what can you do?"
Local: "You can't get there from here. You have to go back the way you came to the traffic lights, cross over to the other side of the street, walk back this way, go past here, then three blocks down there's a pedestrian crossing, cross back to this side, and head back down this way."
Tourist: "That's ridiculous!"
Local: "Yeah, but what can you do?"
you can't get there from here by Matti! Matti! Matti! January 15, 2013
Clipboard of Power
A derogatory term for the petty bureaucrat's badge of office. It is held close to the chest and carries papers with information that is jealously guarded. It allows access to sensitive areas and gives the bearer authority to pry into the work being done by others. Often used for micromanagement and the application of "bureaucracy gone mad".
Clipboard of Power by Matti! Matti! Matti! October 13, 2012
Department of Clipboards
An alternative collective noun for a shuffle of bureaucrats, specifically those with some sort of auditing task. Inspired by their flocking behaviour and use of clipboards as a work tool. Derogatory.
"Better sort out those paperclips, Bob; the Department of Clipboards is just getting out of the lift."
Department of Clipboards by Matti! Matti! Matti! October 13, 2012
lifestyle vampire
A person who is quiet and subdued when on their own, but comes alive when around other people, feeding off the energy of their social interaction or the event they are attending.
A: "Went rafting today which is fun but going out and doing stuff like that is always funner when you have people to share it with."
B: "Are you like me, a lifestyle vampire? You exist on your own, but you live when you're with others."
B: "Are you like me, a lifestyle vampire? You exist on your own, but you live when you're with others."
lifestyle vampire by Matti! Matti! Matti! October 6, 2012
Guerrilla Weeding
Inspired by the Guerrilla Gardening movement, it is a way to improve a neighbourhood by entering public and private gardens and performing any kind of maintenance that is required, such as weeding, pruning, and thinning. If one already has the tools, it is a zero-cost activity that can be done at any time.
Granddaughter: You were a long time on your walk, Grandma.
Grandmother: Yes, dear, that's because I was Guerrilla Weeding the neighbour's garden. They really need to look after their gypsophila better.
Grandmother: Yes, dear, that's because I was Guerrilla Weeding the neighbour's garden. They really need to look after their gypsophila better.
Guerrilla Weeding by Matti! Matti! Matti! August 12, 2012