Matti! Matti! Matti!'s definitions

Ugly Day

A day on which all the people one meets are unattractive, despite the odds which say that half the people one meets will be attractive.

You're lucky you stayed home: it was Ugly Day at the gym today!

by Matti! Matti! Matti! November 22, 2010

constipatience

To become resigned to the fact that you won't be able to defecate until your colon decides it's ready to.

Patient: "I took the laxatives you gave me but I still haven't been able to go to the toilet."
Doctor: "Well, your bowel will evacuate when it's ready. You'll just have to learn constipatience."

by Matti! Matti! Matti! May 15, 2013

pestrian

A pedestrian who disobeys the road rules, causing you to swerve to avoid hitting them.

I can't believe she just walked out into the road like that! Bloody pestrian!

by Matti! Matti! Matti! November 22, 2010

Sex-is-love Disorder

When a (usually) woman equates sex with love, thinking that because a man had sex with her, it means that he loves her. In men, it is often a nerdy type who has sex out of his league and turns into a total obsessive. Is often the trigger for stalkerish behaviour.

Dude, you can't bang her, she has Sex-is-love Disorder!

by Matti! Matti! Matti! January 4, 2011

crymaxing

To cry while masturbating because one is thinking of one's ex.

From cry + climax.

From reddit: "My girlfriend is going to break up with me in 5 hours from now."

–remotepath 105 points 16 hours ago
please masturbate, it clears your head

–mf4633 59 points 15 hours ago
one caveat: don't think about her when you're doing it

–speedstix 33 points 10 hours ago
crymaxing is never good.

by Matti! Matti! Matti! November 24, 2011

you can't get there from here

A situation where streets have been subject to so much traffic calming modification (eg fences, traffic lights, one way streets) that it is impossible to get to the place you want, even though you can see it clearly.

Tourist: "I want to go to that shop but there's nowhere to cross the street."
Local: "You can't get there from here. You have to go back the way you came to the traffic lights, cross over to the other side of the street, walk back this way, go past here, then three blocks down there's a pedestrian crossing, cross back to this side, and head back down this way."
Tourist: "That's ridiculous!"
Local: "Yeah, but what can you do?"

by Matti! Matti! Matti! January 15, 2013

The 3M Rule

A method by which one can evaluate a man for hotness, the rule consists of three parts: 1 man, 1 minute, 1 metre. One man because many men confuse the senses, one minute to allow the surge of hormones to subside, one metre because everyone looks better the further away they are.

I thought he was a total fox but it must've been my beer goggles because when I got up close and used the 3M Rule, I realised that he was a dog!

by Matti! Matti! Matti! January 20, 2011