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Mary Mary Quite The Contrarian's definitions

Polested

When a metal pole is being horribly violated by a pole dancer in many different ways. Poles have feelings too, you know.
After my girlfriend's pole dancing class ended, I went into the gym and started gently caressing all the poles that had been polested, telling them "shhhh.... everything's going to be alright, you're safe with me now."
by Mary Mary Quite The Contrarian December 11, 2019
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sus as fuck

"You see red over there? He looks sus as fuck. Better run 'fore he grabs you into a vent."
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Paan

Paan is a stimulant that is widely consumed throughout the southeastern parts of Asia. It is made from areca nut wrapped around betel leaves (these plants are only grown in southeastern Asia). Similar to chewing tobacco, it is consumed through chewing the leaves which produces a juice that is either swallowed or spat out. Interesting though, the juice being spat out is a bloody red color.
Dudebro 1: Ey yo, you got some Paan?

Dudebro 2: Nah fam, but you can go ask those Betel nut beauties down the street
by Mary Mary Quite The Contrarian November 19, 2020
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Segway

The early 2000s equivalent to a fidget spinner (well not literally, but you know what I mean).

Also the thing that the default character from Happy Wheels rides on.
It was rumored by the Pope that several witnesses spotted Jesus riding a Segway, with a fidget spinner in one hand and a vape in the other. Is this the second coming?
by Mary Mary Quite The Contrarian September 23, 2022
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Intimate Partner Violence

Something that only animals engage in. If you engage in Intimate Partner Violence (IPV), you are considered an animal. And that's not a compliment.
Me, to my bro: Did you just commit Intimate Partner Violence?

Bro: Yeah lol

Me: You fucking animal.
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horngry

When your body suddenly decides that you're horny and it makes you really angery. The anger is due to your mind not agreeing with your body.
I was just having a normal day until my body suddenly decides to have a boner. Now I am filled with the desire to open 30 tabs of porn, yet at the same time I really don't want to. I guess you could say that I'm horngry.
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Involuntary Abstinence

When someone (typically a college student) has a fanciful desire to consume alcohol with some fellow mates and get crazy intoxicated, but doesn't have anyone to do so with (due to no close friends or social groups). They are most likely still an alcohol virgin because of this.
High school friend: Hey bud haven't seen you in a long time! How ya been?

Me: Pretty good, university life has been pretty awesome and wild here. Exams are coming soon though so it's getting pretty stressful

High school friend: That's nice! Nothing like a few shots of tequila to help alleviate all that stress

Me: Oh I don't drink alcohol

High school friend: Oh why not? Are you practicing abstinence?!

Me: Bruh of course not, it's just that I have involuntary abstinence...

High school friend: Ah, I understand.
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