41 definitions by Mark Shackelford

<wife> How did your day go?
<hubby> Not good.
<wife> What happened?
<hubby> I took a dump at work before I realized we were out of anal tissue.
<wife> That's terrible. So what did you do?
<hubby> I used my undershirt.

<person1> Old Dewey said he's going to eat some strimps tonite. Did he really mean shrimp?
<person2> Yes, that's just the way he bronunciates it.

Say maen, I needs a Cadillac converter for my Mitsubichi Galant.

My little boy captain crashed his trike but did all he could to land the jump.

<poser> I've got fake dual exhaust with chrome tips, a dummy hood scoop, an artificial slant antenna and nonfunctional side vents. Anything else I can do to impress the women?

<tuner> Yeah, get rid of all those car warts and get a personality!

<Walmart customer in check out line> Can you speed it up, I'm about to bingo stamp my underwear?!

When life throws you nothing but the bottom of a bag of corn chips and some salsa, make mexican cereal!