Darjeeling standpipe

A pleasurable sex act whereby a teapot is filled with hot, not boiling water, the scrotum suspended therein, and a consenting adult partner encouraged to blow through the spout while wanking one off. The effect is similar to a testicular jacuzzi.

Don't put the leaf in yet, sweetness. I fancy a Darjeeling standpipe.

by Lord Grimcock October 15, 2007

Natalie Portman

Appallingly bad wedge-faced actress, career sustained by membership of the Tribe and fanatical crypto-paedophilic fanbase.

Having said that, I had all sorts of filthy ideas watching 'Leon'.

'V for Vendetta' is one of the worst films ever made, in large part thanks to her lack of talent, though to be fair the script, direction and premise fucked it from the off.

Haven't seen 'Closer', don't plan to.

I'd give Natalie Portman one between the jewbs, nan, but I'd be doing her a fucking favour.

by Lord Grimcock August 28, 2007

baby boomer

The generation that destroyed the West.

This fucking baby boomer fought no wars, underfunded the welfare state, failed to have any kids, bought the White Album and was a generally self-righteous hippy cunt while Rome burned. Now he wants MY taxes to pay his pension and medical costs for 40 years of mounting senility? Fuck that.

by Lord Grimcock January 14, 2008

pie-curious

A binge eater. Otherwise normal, one who, at times, feels himself powerfully drawn towards the non-salad end of the buffet table.

I became pie-curious after an enjoyable but ultimately damaging experience in my second year at college.

by Lord Grimcock January 19, 2008

Catterick condom

The one failsafe method of birth control, much favoured between military types in the eponymous Yorkshire garrison town. See also: Colchester condom.

Now you will be wearing a Catterick condom when I meet you behind the barrack block tonight, won't you lieutenant?

by Lord Grimcock January 05, 2008

ball glaze

British. Pre-ejaculate; gleet.

Pressed against that schoolgirl's hip on the axle seat of the 57, I'm ashamed to say I involuntarily released a few drops of ball glaze as we passed over that unmade road, Father.

by Lord Grimcock September 13, 2007

cuntware

A piece of software so useless, intrusive, poorly-conceived, designed and/or supported one forms the opinion that everyone who was involved in its creation, marketing and distribution is a cunt.

Norton Anti-Virus is the archetype of cuntware.

by Lord Grimcock November 06, 2007