L.MARTIN's definitions
FOR AVERAGE JOE HETEROSEXUAL:The point at which if a woman has'nt decided to do you(Trust me.-She knows.)...END.ALL.CONTACT! Either she's not into you...or worse...she'll continue to let you waste money time and attention on her.Painful as it may be-turn the page.Helpful hint:The wealthier you become...the more the world looks like a catalog.
FOR LESBIANS & GAYS: Shorten this to the "TWO EYEBLINK RULE"
Lucky fux!
FOR LESBIANS & GAYS: Shorten this to the "TWO EYEBLINK RULE"
Lucky fux!
DUDE 1:"So you takin' Mandy out tonite?"
DUDE 2:"Hell no.She talks too much.She keeps reminding me how incredibly smart she is...And to top it off she's maxed out the "TWO DATE RULE".Next.
DUDE 2:"Hell no.She talks too much.She keeps reminding me how incredibly smart she is...And to top it off she's maxed out the "TWO DATE RULE".Next.
by L.MARTIN September 27, 2005
Get the TWO DATE RULEmug. When you're really good at what you do...yet it fails to make those around you better...or produce winning results.
DRINKIN BUDDY 1:"What do Barry Bonds,John Kerry,Jim Kelly,& Carly Fiorina have in common?"
DRINKIN BUDDY 2:"'Dunno...A-ROD SYNDROME?"
DB 1:"Co-rrect!Next ones' on me."
DRINKIN BUDDY 2:"'Dunno...A-ROD SYNDROME?"
DB 1:"Co-rrect!Next ones' on me."
by L.MARTIN November 23, 2005
Get the A-ROD SYNDROMEmug. The annoying tendency of our mainstream political/ news/entertainment industrial complex to have it's talking heads deliver thinly veiled messages of class warfare and bigotry.ALL mainstream ideological viewpoints are guilty of this.
When America wants to explore it's ills...social or otherwise...it usually explores it in the context of skin color first...class second...and finally as a problem to be solved-when it's hideously clear that it's EVERYONES problem.(this sometimes takes decades)...But since for better or worse one is unable anymore to flat-out offend/demean/impugn the sensibilities of this or that tribe...words and phrases are used in conjunction with pictures to form or reinforce assumptions of what or who the "problem" is.A coupla' "CODESPEAKS'GREATEST HITS" would include:
"CHILDREN BORN OUT OF WEDLOCK"-For decades the picture in your head was that of a Black welfare mother with no father in sight...probably still is...But when you factor in such things as divorce and White professional females having kids...man be damned...you see that if in fact households without men is a problem...it's everyones problem.
"HIV"-Does'nt make the headlines much anymore unless it relates to Africa or the porn industry...But not too long ago when the disease was a sure death sentence...you never heard a story about HIV that did'nt suggest that this was a disease of "THE INNER CITY"...And without fail-there would be a story every year about some young Black man just outta jail who moves into some suburban/rural White community and starts infecting the local White girls.Suggesting that as long as you were a White heterosexual...and you only fucked other White heterosexuals...you need not worry.Of course someone forgot to tell NASCAR star Tim Richmond this before he went off and infected 250 groupies-uh women with it on his way to that great oval in the sky.(he was white)Of course there were no stories either about the probably thousands of "UPPER-MIDDLE CLASS"
people who've been infected...yet becuase of private health insurance and privacy issues did'nt end up in the stats that are so often repeated.IT'S STILL EVERYONES PROBLEM.
"CRIME"-Are you kidding me?
When America wants to explore it's ills...social or otherwise...it usually explores it in the context of skin color first...class second...and finally as a problem to be solved-when it's hideously clear that it's EVERYONES problem.(this sometimes takes decades)...But since for better or worse one is unable anymore to flat-out offend/demean/impugn the sensibilities of this or that tribe...words and phrases are used in conjunction with pictures to form or reinforce assumptions of what or who the "problem" is.A coupla' "CODESPEAKS'GREATEST HITS" would include:
"CHILDREN BORN OUT OF WEDLOCK"-For decades the picture in your head was that of a Black welfare mother with no father in sight...probably still is...But when you factor in such things as divorce and White professional females having kids...man be damned...you see that if in fact households without men is a problem...it's everyones problem.
"HIV"-Does'nt make the headlines much anymore unless it relates to Africa or the porn industry...But not too long ago when the disease was a sure death sentence...you never heard a story about HIV that did'nt suggest that this was a disease of "THE INNER CITY"...And without fail-there would be a story every year about some young Black man just outta jail who moves into some suburban/rural White community and starts infecting the local White girls.Suggesting that as long as you were a White heterosexual...and you only fucked other White heterosexuals...you need not worry.Of course someone forgot to tell NASCAR star Tim Richmond this before he went off and infected 250 groupies-uh women with it on his way to that great oval in the sky.(he was white)Of course there were no stories either about the probably thousands of "UPPER-MIDDLE CLASS"
people who've been infected...yet becuase of private health insurance and privacy issues did'nt end up in the stats that are so often repeated.IT'S STILL EVERYONES PROBLEM.
"CRIME"-Are you kidding me?
CODESPEAK ANCHORMAN:"In the news today:Low test scores...affirmative action...new golf course!Back after this."
by L.MARTIN October 19, 2005
Get the CODESPEAKmug. OIL TRADER:..."So we're walking through the park...and we drop a blanket on the grass at the amphitheater...and as I
poured wine for us,I had JEFFREY OSBOURNE come out on stage and sing LOVE BALLAD...at which point I presented her with a 4ct. rock.-and a proposal.Cool,yeah?"
ARMS DEALER:"That is so fucking DIAMOND COMMERCIAL.Don't repeat it to anyone else.Congratulations."
poured wine for us,I had JEFFREY OSBOURNE come out on stage and sing LOVE BALLAD...at which point I presented her with a 4ct. rock.-and a proposal.Cool,yeah?"
ARMS DEALER:"That is so fucking DIAMOND COMMERCIAL.Don't repeat it to anyone else.Congratulations."
by L.MARTIN December 5, 2005
Get the DIAMOND COMMERCIALmug. A useless legal document easily voided by even the most average of divorce attorneys.What she does'nt get in alimony
or property settlement...she will more than get in CHILD SUPPORT.Why do you think she had them?
or property settlement...she will more than get in CHILD SUPPORT.Why do you think she had them?
DIVORCEE'- "What are we gonna do? I stupidly signed that damn
pre-nup eight years ago.'The fuck was I thinking?"
ATTORNEY- "We're good.Courts care about the welfare of the
child over anything.Did I mention they don't
make you document where...or how you spend child
support payments? Little Emily is worth about
20 grand a month based on his present income.
The judge is a woman.I'll probably get you 25."
DIVORCEE'-"I think I love you."
ATTORNEY-"After this is over we'll do a weekend down in
St.Bartts.Bring your pill."
pre-nup eight years ago.'The fuck was I thinking?"
ATTORNEY- "We're good.Courts care about the welfare of the
child over anything.Did I mention they don't
make you document where...or how you spend child
support payments? Little Emily is worth about
20 grand a month based on his present income.
The judge is a woman.I'll probably get you 25."
DIVORCEE'-"I think I love you."
ATTORNEY-"After this is over we'll do a weekend down in
St.Bartts.Bring your pill."
by L.MARTIN September 3, 2006
Get the PRE-NUPmug. ONE PHONE CALL: If she/he can't decide to get together after one phone call...it was'nt meant to be.Either they're not into you or worse...they're indecisive.
TWO DATES:If he/she is'nt in the bed of your choosing after two dates-(They know if they want you)-end all contact.Either they're not into you,or worse...they're indecisive attention whores.
THREE FUCKS:Get past the first two? Got him/her in bed? Good.Make it enjoyable for all involved...but at about that third session...someone will want to be involved more deeply.Time to bounce.Who's on deck?
TWO DATES:If he/she is'nt in the bed of your choosing after two dates-(They know if they want you)-end all contact.Either they're not into you,or worse...they're indecisive attention whores.
THREE FUCKS:Get past the first two? Got him/her in bed? Good.Make it enjoyable for all involved...but at about that third session...someone will want to be involved more deeply.Time to bounce.Who's on deck?
DUDE 1:"Gina is hot...but whatever happened to Josie?"
DUDE 2:"She wanted commitment.I got a RULE OF 123 I tend to follow.Just was'nt in the cards."
DUDE 2:"She wanted commitment.I got a RULE OF 123 I tend to follow.Just was'nt in the cards."
by L.MARTIN October 3, 2005
Get the RULE OF 123mug. CARPENTER 1:"Say fella...would you step back n' take a look at
n'see how this door fits?"
CARPENTER 2:"Hmmm...'bout a coupla RED CUNT HAIRS off the
bottom oughta' do it.Break out the sander."
n'see how this door fits?"
CARPENTER 2:"Hmmm...'bout a coupla RED CUNT HAIRS off the
bottom oughta' do it.Break out the sander."
by L.MARTIN September 27, 2005
Get the RED CUNT HAIRmug.