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Definitions by Kung-fu Jesus

tyre kicker

(n.) A person who appears interested in buying your car, but on the day displays any of the following traits.

• Does not show up
• Does not bring money
• Kicks the tyres and complains about even the most minor faults
• Seems to know barely anything about the car
• Offers stupid money (a large amount either side of what you expected)
• Keeps asking if he can part exchange his rusty old Ford for your car, not wondering why anyone wouldn't want it
• Assumes the car is in fine working condition just by kicking the tyres
• Tries to drive a restoration project dozens of miles home with him.
• Asks questions repeatedly, specifically ones mentioned in adevertising the car
• Gets the manufacturers' name wrong
• Asks if you are willing to transport the car without charge.
• Makes a bid for a car placed on ebay or similar without any positive feedback
• Dresses up as, or asserts that they are a priest or mulla in an attempt to pay less for the car
• Is a young driver who just passed his test looking to buy a cheap old car, rice it up, and show off to thier friends. Quite likely to wreck it in a month.
If selling an old or rare car on ebay, it is advisable to warn tyre kickers from bidding.
tyre kicker by Kung-Fu Jesus June 6, 2004

bugger me 

An expression of surprise and partial disbelief. Not to be taken literally. Also used as a challenge.
Well bugger me if you'll be getting an example!
bugger me by Kung-Fu Jesus June 6, 2004
That pussy is hirsute!
hirsute by Kung-Fu Jesus June 6, 2004

masturbation policy 

How many times a male masturbates per day/week.
His masturbation policy is ten times a day, the crazy wanker!

male bonding 

The alternative to a woman dripping blood and getting angry.

red baron 

(n.) A person that delights in seeing mechanical disasters, especially plane crashes. Named after WWI german ace who downed over 80 allied aircraft during the first world war. The origianal dogfight king.
red baron by Kung-Fu Jesus June 6, 2004
The sphinx is a limestone/rock structure located in the Valley of the Kings, Egypt. It consists of a lions' body and the head of King Khafra. Until 1926 only the head could be seen above ground, until a French-led team excavated the area revealing the entire statue. However, since it has been exposed to both the desert air and pollution from poorly drained 300,000 populous tourist city nearby the condition has declined greatly. The head is expected to fall within 200 years, and it is being eaten away at a rate of 1/5th of an inch per year. Since it was built the shpinx has been under constant maintanence, although the decline of the conquerers of Egypt, the Romans left it to gather dust after withdrawl frrom Egypt. Both the romans and the greeks however did make good efforts to rebuild the crumbling outers of the shpinx. This differes from the industrial-hardcore-and-cement methods used in 1981 by a hasty group of investors. The supreme council of antiquities has since commisioned skilled labourers to do the work properly, using the same methods as were origianally used. The 1981 attempt resulted in repair sections simply falling away, and further eroding the inner beast with high salt adhesives. Ideas for saving the battered head include a steel pole being driven through to the neck. There was a beard added in the eighteenth dynasty, although this fell off, and the fragments are scattered among private collections and museums. The largest chunk is approx. 1/13th of the beard located in London.


The nose of the sphinx is missing, and the face badly damaged.
Contrary to popular myth, the nose was not knocked off by french in the napoleonic wars, nor by the brits in WWI. Photographs show the nose being missing long before WWI, and accounts of the face being in present state predate the napoleonic wars by half a millenia.
Sphinx by Kung-Fu Jesus June 6, 2004