Johnny Eightball's definitions

fishin' mortician

A mortician that enjoys fishing.

That fishin' mortician over yonder works on dead people and likes to fish over at Lake Cocksucker.

by Johnny Eightball June 10, 2004

Hell's Donnie Irises

Local gang in Pittsburgh known for having small pebble like teeth and thick glasses.

"Aaaaaaah Leeeeeeaaaaaaaah, come out to playeeeaaay!"

"Shit! Run for it, it's Hell's Donnie Irises!"

by Johnny Eightball June 11, 2004

yilf

Yakoff I'd Like to Fuck

"I went to Branson to see Yakoff Smirnoff perform and found my pants were suddenly ill-fitting in the fly zone. He's one yilf, what a country!"

by Johnny Eightball July 8, 2004

wailing on the cub scout

Sounds ominous, but literally translates as listening with undivided attention.

It's nice to see everyone wailing on the cub scout for a change. Now, please provide a helmet for the button-maker, chop chop.

by Johnny Eightball June 10, 2004

total eclipse of the heart

The act of smearing one's privates with peanut butter with hopes that a dog, cat or other domesticated pet will retrieve some jelly and bread to make a sandwich with it.

Once upon a time I was falling in love
But now I'm only falling apart
Nothing I can do
A total eclipse of the heart
Once upon a time there was light in my life
But now there's only love in the dark
Nothing I can say
A total eclipse of the heart

by Johnny Eightball June 10, 2004

Missouri compromise

A mullet

See also Kentucky Waterfall.

Having just had his Missouri compromise trimmed, Enos Truffler decided to eat some leftover honey-baked ham sandwiches that his XXX porn star wife Portia Mercedes made for him the previous Sunday. He put all the fixings on it and washed it all down with a Mountain Dew. Then Enos read some of the newspaper and washed his truck. We're gonna miss him when he dies.

by Johnny Eightball June 10, 2004

Bush for President

A really bad mistake that's not worth repeating ever again. EVER. I mean, come on. What the fuck is wrong with this country anyway?

"I had the runs so bad today from that 2am Taco Bell trip."

"Well, don't pull a Bush for President and go back again."

by Johnny Eightball August 19, 2004