Joe Smiff's definitions

Neandergammon

pro-Brexit politicians who continue to believe Brexit is still a good thing for the United Kingdom and will argue against any sort of scrutiny based on facts and reality until pink in the face like an inbred pig.

See the news at 10 last night? There was this fucking Neandergammon prick on the telly making all sorts of wild claims about how its past March 29th and we are still in the EU. Maybe he's one of these tax fiddler cunts and wants out at any cost before the EU come chapping his door about his offshore bank account.

by Joe Smiff April 10, 2019

Kent bunting

2020 ends with Christmas where the Kent countryside has been decorated in soiled underpants thanks to the contributions of thousands of stranded lorry drivers.

Drove through Kent yesterday, saw the legendary Kent bunting, many a yellow front brown backs as far as the eyes could see!

by Joe Smiff December 24, 2020

Cringe wanker

Entitled or narcissistic individuals who film bizarre and deperate acts in the hope for validation from strangers on social media. This normally comes at the expense of invading the privacy and personal space of innocent people.

Yet another cringe wanker becoming infuriated because i was in his camera shot at the gym.

by Joe Smiff October 11, 2023

Shit an ace

To find no signs excrement on the first wipe.

To cut costs UK prisons found that introducing oatmeal for breakfast would reduce the usage of toilet paper by 87%

Prisoners from South London would often call out to their governor, "Guv, I shit an ace innit" and roars of cheers would resonate around the young offenders wing of the prison.

by Joe Smiff March 1, 2024

The sweaty gusset

The Kent lorry park that is supposed to reduce the bottleneck of exported goods entering the EU.

As I opened the bay windows of my kent townhouse, I was welcomed by my morning ritual of diesel and wafts of stale piss and belching from the concrete abomination that is "the sweaty gusset" lorry park.

by Joe Smiff November 12, 2020

Cringicism

(Noun) The act of posting staged, attention-hungry content online in a desperate attempt for validation, usually ends in secondhand embarrassment.

When the brand deals dry up and she starts posting ‘sleeping prank’ videos fully glammed in makeup whilst pretending to be fast asleep, that’s pure cringicism.

by Joe Smiff June 10, 2025

Cock gleam

The glisten on a penis caused by vaginal fluid.

As Sir Hemingworth neared the peak of his pleasure, he withdrew at the last moment, his desire surging like a tide against the shore. In the golden morning light of the Quantocks, his glistening length stood proud, a sword of passion poised above Lady Buchanon’s heaving bosom. The slick cock gleam upon him caught the sun’s glow, like Excalibur itself, majestic, potent, and honking like a fish mongers cuff

by Joe Smiff February 16, 2025