Jack Atrophy's definitions
When you're all horny in your trailer at night and want to have a special fap, so you sneak into kitchen and grab a can of Great Value sweet peas. You open the can with your Dollar Tree can opener and dowse the peas in canola oil. You then proceed to fuck the can of peas, but because all of the products you use are cheap and you are poor and stupid, there's a jagged piece of metal on the rim of the can that suddenly splits your dick down the middle. BAM! Now you've got split peen soup.
Girlfriend: We haven't had sex in two weeks. What's wrong with you?
Boyfriend: I didn't want to say anything, but last week I had three servings of split peen soup..."
Boyfriend: I didn't want to say anything, but last week I had three servings of split peen soup..."
by Jack Atrophy August 6, 2022
Get the split peen soupmug. 1. When your penis is covered in feces after engaging in anal sex.
2. When you are engaged in anal sex and a sharp turd pricks the tip of your penis.
2. When you are engaged in anal sex and a sharp turd pricks the tip of your penis.
by Jack Atrophy August 6, 2022
Get the poo prickmug. Therapist: "How have you been feeling lately?"
Client: "I was feeling depressed, but then I plowed a twink stinker and now feel that life is worth living again."
Client: "I was feeling depressed, but then I plowed a twink stinker and now feel that life is worth living again."
by Jack Atrophy August 6, 2022
Get the twink stinkermug. When a Southern gentleman presumptuously addresses a young woman as 'Miss'.
"Pardon me, Miss. Do you know where the restroom is?"
"Pardon YOU, did you just fucking Miss-gender me!?"
"Pardon YOU, did you just fucking Miss-gender me!?"
by Jack Atrophy August 6, 2022
Get the Miss-gendermug. Insurance that pays out a sum of money to the injured party in cases where an asshole becomes too loose to retain feces after consistent anal sex.
I may have to wear a diaper for the rest of my life, but at least I got a fat check from the gape insurance company.
by Jack Atrophy August 10, 2022
Get the gape insurancemug. A genre of stench in which the aroma of a freshly baked poo combines with the steam from a hot shower.
by Jack Atrophy August 9, 2022
Get the steamfunkmug. All of the factors in a social system that that perpetuate, enable, and incentivize the adoption of identities based in victimhood.
"Why are people listing their ailments in their Twitter bios?"
"Oh, it's a great way to rack up intersectional points and climb up a few tiers in the victim hierarchy."
"Why would they want to do that?"
"Because with victimhood comes a whole bunch of perks. If you are a victim, you always have an excuse to fail. You always have a hypothetical oppressor to blame. You are given license to censure anyone who disagrees with you. You receive an abundance of pity. And best of all, you get to envision yourself as the noble underdog struggling in the next big civil rights movement!"
"That sounds pathological."
"That's because it is... and it is all a product of systemic victimhood."
"Oh, it's a great way to rack up intersectional points and climb up a few tiers in the victim hierarchy."
"Why would they want to do that?"
"Because with victimhood comes a whole bunch of perks. If you are a victim, you always have an excuse to fail. You always have a hypothetical oppressor to blame. You are given license to censure anyone who disagrees with you. You receive an abundance of pity. And best of all, you get to envision yourself as the noble underdog struggling in the next big civil rights movement!"
"That sounds pathological."
"That's because it is... and it is all a product of systemic victimhood."
by Jack Atrophy August 6, 2022
Get the systemic victimhoodmug.