Jack Atrophy's definitions

late crime

When you are so egregiously late for an appointment or event that it is considered criminal.

Patient: Hello, I'm Jack. I'm here for my teeth cleaning appointment.

Dental Receptionist: Your appointment was at 8:00 AM. It is now 4:56 PM. You have committed a late crime. I'm calling the police.

by Jack Atrophy August 9, 2022

teach impediment

The disorder that afflicts public school teachers who are hopelessly incompetent at their job. Also known as pedagogical paralysis.

Unfortunately, Mrs. Hughes has a teach impediment. You will not be learning any algebra in her class this year.

by Jack Atrophy August 9, 2022

gape insurance

Insurance that pays out a sum of money to the injured party in cases where an asshole becomes too loose to retain feces after consistent anal sex.

I may have to wear a diaper for the rest of my life, but at least I got a fat check from the gape insurance company.

by Jack Atrophy August 10, 2022

steamfunk

A genre of stench in which the aroma of a freshly baked poo combines with the steam from a hot shower.

Mmm... yummy yummy for my tummy. Do you smell the steamfunk from that delectable shit I just took?

by Jack Atrophy August 9, 2022

contact bi

A heterosexual who becomes spontaneously attracted to members of the same sex after shaking hands with a sexy gay guy.

Also, the phenomenon in which this occurs.

"Hey, want to go camping next week?"

"Can't dude, still coming down from that contact bi I got at the gym last month."

by Jack Atrophy August 5, 2022

goy toy

An older Jewish woman's younger gentile boyfriend.

"Have you seen J'Quan, Mrs. Goshberg's' new boyfriend?"

"Yes, I see she's found another goy toy to play with."

by Jack Atrophy August 6, 2022

praymate

A friend who goes to church with you.

This is Andrew. He's my praymate. He goes to church with me every Sunday.

by Jack Atrophy August 9, 2022